They Love You, But They're Silently Suffering
Your bridesmaids adore you and genuinely want to celebrate your big day, which is precisely why they'll never tell you about the dozens of small annoyances that come with being part of a wedding party. It may not feel this way to you, but asking them to be a part of your party means they've signed up for months of group texts, financial obligations, and wardrobe choices they had no say in, all while maintaining enthusiastic smiles and nods. The truth is that being a bridesmaid often requires the patience of a saint and the budget of someone who definitely makes more money than most bridesmaids actually do. Here are twenty things your wedding party is too polite to mention.
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1. Their Dress Can't Be Reworn
Every bride insists the bridesmaid dress is re-wearable, and every bridesmaid knows this is a beautiful lie. That floor-length chiffon gown in dusty rose might photograph well in a vineyard, yet it will spend the rest of eternity in the back of a closet.
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2. Paying For Professional Hair And Makeup
When you require everyone to use your chosen hair and makeup artists, you're asking your bridesmaids to spend $150 to $300 on beauty services they might not want or need. Some people are perfectly capable of doing their own makeup and would rather save that money for the hotel room or the bachelorette trip they're also funding.
3. The Bachelorette Weekend
Spending $800 on a weekend in Nashville or Miami sounds fun until your bridesmaids realize they could have used that money for their own actual vacation. The expectation of attending a multi-day bachelorette party, complete with matching outfits, planned activities, and expensive dinners, adds up incredibly fast.
4. Group Chats That Never Sleep
The bridesmaid group chat starts innocently enough and then morphs into a 24/7 notification nightmare where opinions are needed on everything from napkin colors to the reception playlist. Your bridesmaids have jobs and lives, and waking up to 47 unread messages about centerpiece options isn’t their ideal start to a day.
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5. Mandatory Attendance At Every Pre-Wedding Event
Between the engagement party, bridal shower, dress fittings, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner, your bridesmaids are attending more events for your wedding than they do for their own birthdays. Each event requires time off work, travel arrangements, and usually another outfit purchase or hostess gift.
6. The Dress-spectation
Spending six hours in a bridal boutique trying on dresses that may or may not be flattering sounds like a nightmare to most people. Your bridesmaids want you to find the perfect dress, yet they don't necessarily want to watch you try on 30 versions of essentially the same gown.
7. Bridesmaid Dresses That Don’t Suit Their Body Type
When you pick a style that works beautifully on your sister, who's 5'10" with broad shoulders, you're potentially choosing a dress that will make your 5'2" friend look like she's drowning in fabric. One-size-fits-all dress styles don't actually fit all bodies, and 90% of your bridesmaids know they're going to look awkward in the photos.
8. Early Risings Day Of
Nobody wants to be in a salon chair at dawn on a Saturday, yet wedding day timelines often require bridesmaids to wake up earlier than they do for work. Three hours of hair and makeup followed by another hour of getting dressed means your bridesmaids are running on coffee and adrenaline by the time the ceremony starts.
9. Standing In Heels
Your beautiful outdoor ceremony under the oak trees sounds romantic until your bridesmaids are standing in the grass wearing stilettos for 60 minutes. Their feet are screaming, their shoes are sinking into the lawn, and they're trying to maintain pleasant expressions while secretly wondering if anyone would notice if they just sat down.
10. The Obligation To Stay
Your bridesmaids would love to leave the reception at a reasonable hour, especially if they have early flights the next morning. The unspoken expectation that the wedding party stays until the bride and groom exit means they're often the last ones on the dance floor at 11 PM when they've been awake since 5 AM.
11. Matching Accessories
The specific shoes, jewelry, and clutch that you want everyone to wear might create a cohesive look in photos, yet they also add another expense to an already costly commitment. Your bridesmaids probably own perfectly acceptable nude heels and simple earrings that would work just fine if given the chance.
12. Weight Loss
We know you think all of your bridesmaids are perfect and beautiful, but when you start talking about wedding workout plans or mention that everyone should start eating healthier before the big day, your bridesmaids hear the subtext. The suggestion that everyone needs to get in shape for your wedding creates unnecessary anxiety and implies their current bodies aren't good enough for your photos.
13. Being Volunteered For DIY Projects
Your bridesmaids signed up to stand next to you at the altar, not to spend their weekends making centerpieces or folding 200 origami cranes. When you announce at brunch that there's a crafting party at your house next Saturday, your bridesmaids are mentally checking their calendars for conflicts.
14. Extreme Weather
Standing outside in 95-degree heat or freezing temperatures for an hour of photo tests everyone's patience and physical endurance. Your bridesmaids love you enough to smile through it, yet they're genuinely suffering in those sleeveless chiffon dresses while the photographer captures the perfect golden hour shot.
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15. The Maid Of Honor's Assumed Responsibilities
If you've chosen a maid of honor, she's likely shouldering the bulk of planning and organizing while the other bridesmaids reap the benefits. She's managing the group chat, coordinating the shower, and handling logistics, all while spending the same amount of money as everyone else.
Kari Bjorn Photography on Unsplash
16. Destination Weddings That Require Vacation Days
Asking your bridesmaids to use their limited vacation time and travel budgets for your wedding means they might have to skip their own trips or family obligations. A destination wedding sounds dreamy for you, yet it represents a significant financial and time commitment for everyone in your party.
17. The Social Media Performance
Your bridesmaids are happy to post congratulatory messages and beautiful photos from your wedding, yet the expectation to document every moment and create Instagram-worthy content adds pressure to what's already an exhausting day. Some people just want to enjoy the party without worrying about getting the perfect story for social media.
Fotógrafo Samuel Cruz on Unsplash
18. Where They’re Seated
Separating your bridesmaids from their significant others for the entire reception dinner seems like a minor detail to you. For them, it means spending the meal with people they might barely know instead of the person they came with.
19. Inter-Bridesmaid Drama
When you've assembled a group of people who don't all know each other well, there's bound to be personality clashes or social awkwardness. Your bridesmaids didn't sign up to mediate disputes or manage other people's feelings about dress choices and party planning.
20. The Assumption That This Wedding Is Their Top Priority
Your wedding is the most significant event in your life right now, but your bridesmaids also have jobs, relationships, family obligations, and their own challenges. The assumption that they can drop everything to attend last-minute planning sessions or emergency dress fittings ignores the reality of their own lives.
