If you've been in any online parenting spaces in the past few years, you've probably seen two terms thrown around a lot: Boy Moms and Girl Dads. While neither term is necessarily harmful, they aren't entirely good either. In particular, Boy Moms can do immense amount of harms to their daughters.
What Are Boy Moms?
Boy Moms are exactly what they sound like: mothers with sons. Similarly, Girl Dads are fathers with daughters. Whether or not either category of parent has other children is seen as beside the point.
On the surface, there isn't anything wrong with Boy Moms. After all, parenting has traditionally been split down rigid gender lines with fathers playing catch with their sons while their wives teach girls how to paint their nails. If anything, mothers and sons connecting across gender lines should be a good thing, right?
Unfortunately, problems arise when Boy Moms take things a little too far. For all the care they put into raising their sons, they often end up hurting their daughters without realizing. This harm takes two main forms: ignoring daughters and enabling sons' bad behavior.
Let's take a look at the first problem.
How Boy Moms Harm Daughters
While loving children should be second nature, some Boy Moms take this to the next level, developing unhealthy emotional attachments to their sons. These attachments can even take on pseudo-romantic dimensions with Boy Moms treating their sons similarly to boyfriends or encouraging sons to mimic their father's behavior, even if it's inappropriate.
By treating sons as a "prize" for birthing girls, Boy Moms impose thousands of years of patriarchal ideals onto their daughters. In prioritizing their sons, Boy Moms sideline daughters who are equally valuable people with their own thoughts and dreams, even if their mothers refuse to see them.
Boy Moms ignoring their daughters mean that young girls may grow up having their emotional, physical, and mental needs unmet. In response, these daughters may start acting out, seeking attention outside of the safety of the home. This can lead to danger and fractured relationships between mothers and daughters.
The Price Of Playing Favorites
The marginalization of daughters within their own homes leads quite nicely into our second issue: excusing sons' bad behavior. The phrase "boys will be boys" has been used to excuse a culture of assault and patriarchal violence. While every little mistake a daughter makes has nuclear fallout—if it's even noticed, that is—sons can do no wrong.
While it's important to allow kids to be kids and make mistakes, a line must be drawn somewhere. Knocking over a glass or coloring outside of the lines of no big deal. A boy hitting his siblings because he's never been told not to is a whole other story.
The children of today grow into the adults and rulemakers of tomorrow. A boy who grows up bullying his sisters may grow into a man who treats his wife and daughters the same way. Similarly, a boy who grows up being waited on hand and foot by his mother may continue to see women as disposable and servile in adulthood.
In short, the worst of the Boy Mom movement relies on outdated stereotypes that mothers have tried to undue for literally thousands of years. Additionally, it devalues an entire gender, with women falling victim to internalized misogyny. At its worst, it perpetuates cycles of abuse.
Children should be raised to be curious and kind, regardless of gender.
