Every relationship is bound to run into rough patches eventually, even those between the happiest of couples. Arguments can actually be healthy and even serve to improve your relationship. However, some fights couples have are just plain unavoidable. They happen again and again until they become routine. There is one topic that comes up more than any other and creates drama behind closed doors.
You would never guess what it is. Infidelity, money, and life choices don’t top the list. Believe it or not, couples argue about chores more than anything else. Whether it be laundry duties or who’s “always” forgetting to take out the trash.
The Uneven Chore Load
Unequal workloads are a huge culprit when it comes to chore disagreements. Whether they load the dishwasher half-empty or “forget” to take out the trash, it’s frustrating to pick up after your partner. If this behavior happens repeatedly, you will undoubtedly begin to resent them for it, even if they don’t mean to make you feel that way.
Everyone has a different perception of what is considered chores being done “equally.” Your partner may feel like they are doing their fair share while you feel like you do everything. When both people have this mindset, it’s only a matter of time before small annoyances turn into huge arguments.
We all lead busy lives with many things pulling at our attention. Whether it be work or family time, it’s easy for chores to fall to the wayside. When you do have to take care of something around the house, it can build up as another thing you have to do on your own. That built-up frustration can cause you to lash out at your partner.
The easiest solution? Start doing chores for just two minutes. Most likely those two minutes will turn into twenty, and you won’t even notice. The hardest thing about having to do chores is starting the task, and the rest just goes by smoothly. If you start something, you will probably want to finish it, since leaving it half-way done is worse than what it was before you even started.
The Battle Over Standards
Household chores arguments can stem from more than just who does more or less work. Maybe you have high standards when it comes to folding laundry or keeping the kitchen clean. Your partner may not be as meticulous as you are. When you have different standards, you may find yourself constantly pointing out things your partner is doing "wrong." This may leave you both feeling annoyed or resentful.
You'd be surprised how small annoyances can build up over time. If you focus on everything your partner is doing wrong, they will feel like they never do anything right. On the other hand, if you let everything go, you may smile and nod on the outside while bottling up resentment on the inside. Often times, arguments about chores aren't about the person not doing something, they're about unmet expectations.
Compromise will be key if you and your partner have different standards. Maybe you both agree that the bathroom and kitchen need to be cleaned a certain way, but other chores can be done however your partner sees fit. By choosing your battles, you can avoid many arguments while still keeping your house relatively tidy.
Communication, or the Lack of It
A second common issue that causes conflict over chores is communication. Oftentimes, one person in a relationship believes that their other half knows what they’re supposed to do. Imagine you think your partner is going to do the dishes after dinner because you’ve always done them in the past. Your partner is thinking that it is your turn to do the dishes after dinner. See where I’m going with this? Everyone needs to remember to communicate with their other half.
Speaking of communication, not only do you need to communicate with your partner but you should also pay attention to exactly when you talk to them about cleaning. Telling your partner that they didn’t do something they were supposed to do when you’re already angry will only make them become defensive. Find a good time to sit down and talk about each of your chores so you can both calmly speak on what needs to be done.
Speaking of calendars and reminders, another issue some couples face is not using a central form of communication. I know a lot of people like to keep track of things like chores in their head. However, you should really try to have a set system with your partner. Use a calendar, a whiteboard, or a chore list. Find what works for both of you and stick to it!
So there you have it. Fighting over chores is never about the actual chores. It’s about feeling respected and knowing that your partner has your back. Once you accept that, and help alleviate some of your spouse’s workload, you’ll be able to avoid fighting about chores altogether.
