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Sure, you've hit your own milestones. Maybe you're in a career you love, secured your dream job, live in a cozy nook you can proudly call your home. But when you jump on social media or catch up with your friends in person, it seems like every month there's someone else getting engaged, married, or starting a family. And over time, when you still haven't gotten to where they are yet, it can be an isolating feeling.
But the truth is, as much as you might think you're at fault for not being at the same place as everyone else, a lot of what counts as on time is shaped by outside factors: shifting economics, for one, a culture that rewards visible outcomes over steady growth, for another. When you zoom out, the idea that you’re falling behind starts to look less like a personal failure and more like a predictable response to the world you’re living in, even if you can't quite see it that way yet.
Why Feeling Behind Is So Common Now
Back then, moving out at 18 was the norm. If not, then moving out in your early 20s. But now? Economic reality has changed the order and timing of adult milestones, whether or not anyone wants to admit it out loud. Housing costs, student debt, and uneven wage growth don’t just affect budgets; they affect when people feel stable enough to become fully independent, partner up, or plan long-term. In the U.S., Pew Research Center found that in 2023, 18% of adults ages 25 to 34 were living in a parent’s home—an arrangement many described as financially helpful, even if it complicated other parts of life.
Plenty of people are also dealing with broad stressors that make the future feel uncertain, which can make your present choices feel like they don’t count. The American Psychological Association’s 2024 Stress in America survey describes a nationally representative poll conducted with over 3,300 U.S. adults; it highlights how major societal concerns—with U.S. politics ranking high—can show up as personal strain. When the background level of stress is high, it’s harder to interpret a slower season as normal rather than alarming.
Even the language we use about success is often built around a narrow set of timelines: finish school, secure a job, move out, get married, start a family. But that script ignores career pivots, caregiving, health setbacks, and the messy truth that many people start all over again more than once. If your life doesn’t match the template, it doesn’t mean you’re late; it may mean you’re living through a version of adulthood the template never accounted for.
The Hidden Costs of Comparing Timelines
You're often told not to compare yourself to others, but that's easier said than done. You can't just notice what others are doing without taking notes; you can't watch their highlight reels without translating them into a judgment about your own worth. Over time, that can train you to treat everything as a determiner of whether you’re ahead or behind, instead of asking whether it’s actually right for you.
Social disconnection can make comparison sharper, too, because loneliness changes how you interpret everything. The APA’s reporting has drawn attention to how common loneliness and emotional disconnection feel for many adults, and how those feelings can show up alongside stress and mental health strain. When you’re disconnected, you’re more likely to assume other people are doing better, and less likely to hear the more honest parts of their stories.
It’s also worth remembering that mental health isn’t a side issue here—it’s central to how you perceive your own life. The World Health Organization describes how depression, in particular, can distort your sense of progress by making effort feel invisible and the future feel closed off. Meanwhile, U.S. prevalence data tracked by the National Institute of Mental Health shows how common major depressive episodes are in population surveys, which matters because common problems can still feel private when you’re stuck inside them.
How to Rebuild a Timeline That Fits You
Comparing yourself to others might make you feel bad about your circumstances, but it's important to remember that everyone has their own timeline. So start by defining progress in terms you can actually control; instead of measuring yourself by external milestones, try focusing on inputs: skill-building, consistent applications, budgeting habits, therapy sessions, sleep, movement, or reconnecting with people you trust. These actions may not look "impressive" compared to the highlight reels of others, but they’re the building blocks that make visible change possible later; they also give you evidence that you’re participating in your own life rather than waiting for it to begin.
You’ll also benefit from putting relationships back in the center of your plan, not as an accessory to success but as a foundation for resilience. Research regularly emphasizes that close relationships are strongly associated with long-term health and well-being, and that social connection helps buffer life’s stress. That doesn’t mean you need a massive social circle, but it does mean you should prioritize a few bonds where you can be supported and challenged in a way that helps you grow.
Finally, give your timeline enough room to be realistic without becoming vague. Set a short list of goals for the next three months, and make them specific enough that you’ll know when you’ve done them; then build one longer runway goal for the next year that you can revisit and revise. If you keep feeling stuck, consider treating it as a signal rather than a verdict—talk with a clinician, a career counselor, or someone practical who can help you translate anxiety into next steps. Remember: you don’t need to win a race you never agreed to run, and you don’t need to justify your pace to deserve a stable, meaningful life.
