Uh-oh. You need to make an appointment. Or maybe you need to call someone back, someone important, someone you definitely cannot stutter in front of. It sounds like an easy thing to do: just pick up the phone and dial, right? But why does it feel like the world is ending and your heart is beating like death is knocking on your door?
Well, it might help to know you're not alone. In fact, research shows this reaction is widespread: a survey of UK office workers found that 40% of baby boomers and 76% of millennials experience anxious thoughts when the phone rings, and the pattern only intensifies with younger generations who grew up texting before they ever learned to make a call.
Phone anxiety, sometimes called telephobia, might seem like something minor, but it can shape how you handle your job, your relationships, and even your health. According to research compiled on phone anxiety, some people report delaying medical appointments specifically to avoid making the call to book them, which shows how far-reaching this fear can become. So, how do you break free from the hold it has on you? Here are three tricks that might just help.
Trick #1: Reframe Your Thoughts
A lot of phone anxiety comes down to catastrophic thinking; you assume the worst before the call has even started. Maybe you picture yourself stumbling over your words or imagine the other person judging you the second you pick up. Maybe you imagine them laughing at you with their colleague, gossiping about how this person I'm talking to can't even say three words without stuttering. But you should know that you're probably not the only one who's ever sounded nervous on the line with them, and you won't be the last. By the time the call is finished, whoever you were speaking with will have probably already moved on to their next task.
So, to stop thinking up worst-case scenarios every time you pick up the phone, start by writing down the specific thought that pops into your head right before a call. You might notice something like "they're going to think I'm incompetent" or "I'm going to freeze up." Once you have it on paper, ask yourself what actual evidence supports that thought and what evidence contradicts it. It might help to also ask yourself whether it really matters. What's really the worst thing that could happen if you stumble over your words? Are you going to appear on the news for being the world's most embarrassing phone caller? Probably not.
Of course, that's not saying that nothing could ever go wrong, but you should aim for a more balanced perspective. Try telling yourself, "I might stumble a little, but that doesn't mean the whole call is a disaster." Over time, this kind of mental rehearsal makes the automatic negative reaction less powerful.
Trick #2: Just. Do. It.
Dodging phone calls entirely might feel like relief in the short term, but it actually reinforces your anxiety over time. After all, the more you avoid something, the more you tell your brain that it's something to be afraid of. It's why exposure therapy works so well: by deliberately facing the feared situation in small, manageable steps until it stops feeling so threatening, this process allows you to confront your fears in a controlled manner and gradually build confidence, which is exactly what you need if calls have become something you sidestep at all costs.
But how do you expose yourself to it? Well, try starting small rather than jumping straight into a high-stakes work call. You could begin by calling a close friend or family member who already knows you well and won't judge a slightly awkward exchange. From there, work your way up to slightly more demanding calls, like ordering takeout over the phone or calling a store to ask about their hours.
Each successful call, even a short and simple one, will help chip away at your fear a little more. Over time, as you build momentum and challenge yourself further, you'll grow tolerance to uncertainty and decrease your anxiety. Before you know it, you'll wonder why you were so scared in the first place.
If you want, it may also help to keep a rough log of the calls you make and how anxious you felt on a scale of one to 10 beforehand and afterward. You'll likely notice a pattern where your anticipatory anxiety is almost always worse than how the call actually goes. Seeing that pattern in writing can be surprisingly convincing when your brain tries to talk you out of the next call.
Trick #3: Prepare Ahead (and Craft an Exit Strategy)
Uncertainty is one of the biggest drivers of phone anxiety, so removing some of that uncertainty in advance can make a real difference. Before an important call, jot down a few bullet points covering what you need to say or ask. People with phone anxiety may feel stressed about embarrassing themselves or worry about bothering the call recipient, which can lead to an increased heart rate, nausea, shaking, and lack of concentration, so having a script nearby can ease a lot of that pressure.
Of course, you don't need to write out every single sentence, and you shouldn't; that might only end up making you sound stiff or robotic, and if you (or the other person) accidentally deviate from the script, you may feel even more panicked. So focus on the key points you want to hit instead, and maybe a friendly opening line to break the ice. Having this outline in front of you means you're never left scrambling for words out of thin air if your mind goes blank mid-conversation or as soon as the line connects.
It also helps to know you can end the call if you genuinely need to. Knowing you have an easy exit, like "I have another call coming in, but let's follow up over email," can lower the pressure significantly before you've even picked up. Even simple strategies like smiling before a call or visualizing success can help you feel more at ease and prepared for whatever comes your way.
The Bottom Line
All in all, phone anxiety is far more common than most people realize. But by reframing your anxious thoughts, easing into calls through gradual exposure, and preparing ahead of time, you'll find that phone calls aren't actually all that bad. Really, what's the worst that could happen?
