A List of Half-Truths, Tall Tales, and Necessary Fibs
Every parent has resorted to these white lies, subtle exaggerations, and oddball stories to get rambunctious, misbehaving children to settle down. They are woven into bedtime routines, mealtime negotiations, and the last ten minutes before school when shoes have gone mysteriously missing again. Parents say these things not because they’re cruel, but because children—lovely as they are—can be relentless. Sometimes the lie buys a moment of peace. Sometimes it softens the sharp edges of reality and makes life simpler. Here are twenty of those lies, with a nod to why they stick, and why so many of us still repeat them even after we swore we’d never be like our parents.
1. The Ice Cream Truck Only Plays Music When It’s Out Of Ice Cream
This is probably the most efficient parenting lie ever concocted. Children hear the jingle, sprint to the window, eyes wide as saucers. Next come the anticipated questions. And then—disappointment managed in one neat sentence. It prevents a meltdown at 7 p.m. on a Tuesday and saves a family from spending $14 on popsicles.
2. Carrots Will Help You See In The Dark
When said with conviction, this one almost feels scientific. A kid reluctantly staring down at steamed carrots suddenly perks up as they imagine superhero night vision. The lie itself comes from a World War II propaganda campaign, but it’s better to keep it simple: eat your carrots, unlock your secret powers.
3. If You Swallow Gum, It Stays In Your Stomach For Seven Years
Every playground has one kid who swears it’s true. Parents, meanwhile, weaponize it against mindless gum-chewing. The visual alone of wads of gum collecting in the bottom of your stomach like a sticky garbage dump makes kids hesitate.
4. Sitting Too Close To The TV Will Ruin Your Eyes
It’s a health warning disguised as a threat. And who knows, it may actually be true. Parents need kids to back away from the glowing screen, so why not conjure visions of permanent damage? The funny thing is that many adults now sit with their eyes three inches from their computers without a second thought about their own eyesight.
5. Santa Claus Is Watching You
This one’s the nuclear option for misbehaving children. Parents outsource discipline to a jolly man in a red suit and the threat of receiving a lump of coal in their stocking. Suddenly, chores are done with remarkable efficiency. This strategy is particularly effective in December, less so in July.
6. The Pet Went To Live On A Farm
It’s far easier to picture a beloved hamster frolicking among distant fields than attempt to explain mortality to a child who still believes a band-aid can fix everything. The farm becomes a mythical haven for every lost cat, fish, and turtle—at least until they’re old enough to understand the fragility of life.
7. Coffee Will Stunt Your Growth
Parents want the coffee pot left alone, whereas children want to imitate their parents. Cue the dire warning to prevent a second-degree burn. The threat of eternal shortness is surprisingly persuasive, especially for a nine-year-old who desperately wants to be tall enough for the roller coasters.
8. Don’t Crack Your Knuckles, Or You’ll Get Arthritis
Although this one has been disproven as a wise tale, the sound of cracking joints is no less annoying. But wrapped in a tiny lie, this advisory becomes a preventive health measure and buys silence in the car, at the dinner table, during church.
9. If You Keep Making That Face, It’ll Get Stuck Like That
A child sticks out their tongue or contorts their expression into something hideous, and out comes this warning. The sheer horror of being trapped forever with crossed eyes works wonders. Kids snap back to neutral expressions immediately. And honestly, with all of our laugh lines and scowl wrinkles, it seems somewhat plausible.
10. The Tooth Fairy Pays Less If You Don’t Brush Your Teeth
This one doubles as health advisory and economic model for oral hygiene. The exchange system of teeth for cash creates an instant incentive. Suddenly brushing is tied to profit. Suddenly flossing has a purpose. No need for lectures when capitalism does the motivating.
11. We’re Almost There
Time is elastic in the parental mouth, especially on long journeys. “Almost there” might mean two minutes or two hours. It doesn’t matter; the phrase soothes restless kids in the back seat, even if the gas station is still 80 miles away.
12. The Playground Is Closed
Not always true, obviously, and it’s certainly difficult to insist on this fact when there are a half-dozen children swinging on the monkey bars. But sometimes parents just cannot bear another hour pushing their child on the swing. This little lie becomes an easy exit strategy.
13. The Wi-Fi Is Broken
This one’s a 21st-century gem. Rather than argue about screen time, parents quietly unplug the router and then shrug. Kids may huff, but you can’t argue with broken technology. At least not until they grow old enough to fix it themselves.
14. This Medicine Tastes Good
The truth is it rarely does. Cherry-flavored syrup is a special kind of betrayal, although, admittedly, the banana variety isn’t so bad. Still, the lie helps the first spoonful go down. By the second, it’s too late to back out.
15. It’s Way Past Your Bedtime
Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it’s 8:15, not 9:00. But parents crave silence, and the little ones get relegated to their room ahead of schedule. Darkness outside makes the fib easier to sell. Children protest, yawn, then surrender.
16. That Toy Is Sold Out Right Now
The truth is it’s sitting on the shelf at Target right now, but parents know that this $40 plastic monstrosity will only hold their child’s attention for a day or two before it gets relegated to the pile. The hope is that their child will forget by next week. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t.
17. The Doctor Won’t Give You A Shot Today
Parents want calm children, not shrieking banshees in pediatric waiting rooms. The promise is made with crossed fingers, and yes, sometimes it backfires spectacularly. All the more so when the doctor says, “On three,” and delivers the shot on the count of two.
National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
18. If You Tell The Truth, You Won’t Get In Trouble
A beautiful lie—noble even. It encourages honesty, even though consequences often follow. The paradox sits unexamined in many households. Still, kids learn that truth matters even if it’s occasionally punished.
19. We’ll Come Back For It Later
Spoiler: that stuffed animal in aisle six is never coming home, but the phrase delays a tantrum and buys enough time to escape the store. Parents know it’s a false promise. Kids don’t. Not yet, at least.
20. Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees
Technically accurate, but this truth is always delivered with a touch of sadness. If only it were that easy. It’s a way of telling kids no without explaining the sad state of a bank account. Parents gesture vaguely toward the yard, the absence of dollar bills rustling in branches.
