How to Dress Appropriately for Lost Loved Ones
When someone passes, usually the last thing on our mind is what to wear. It’s only natural for our grief to steer the ship for a while, but it’s even more common to get caught up in all the planning that comes during such a stressful time. That being said, though dress codes vary across families and cultures, most require a handful of traditional pieces that properly pay respect. Come with us as we break down which items aren’t the smartest choice, and which modest items make the most sense.
1. Bright Clothes
Traditional funerals typically call for black clothing. Unless the family opted for a lighter celebration of life, now isn’t the time to arrive in loud colors or prints. Even your accessories should resemble the family’s wishes.
2. Anything Too Revealing
This should go without saying, but people draw different lines. If you’re ever hesitant about a low-cut shirt, it’s likely too revealing. Keep it simple with plain sweaters over anything like tank tops or V-neck tees.
3. Overly Casual Attire
Speaking of casual attire, funerals usually aren’t the place for overly comfortable clothing. Of course, it all depends on the family’s wishes and the venue, but more traditional settings call for something dressier than t-shirts and sneakers.
4. Distracting Items
It doesn’t matter if either is a part of your everyday personality—ditch any loud prints or bold colors. Funerals aren’t the place to show off any distracting items, even if they seem muted; it’s all about blending with the crowd and paying your respects.
5. Stilettos
You’ll walk more than you think during a funeral. There’s the trip from the parking lot, paying condolences to the family, and potentially traveling to the burial site. Opt for comfortable shoes and leave those heels at home.
6. Jeans
Not every celebration requires freshly ironed slacks, but funerals are a pretty obvious choice. Don’t forget that most funerals call for more than jeans, especially tight-fitting varieties or anything with rips. Mind the venue and dress appropriately.
7. Rarely Worn Clothing
We all have that one piece designated for big events—a dress for weddings, a suit for funerals, etc. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but make sure it’s in tip-top shape beforehand. The last thing you want is to show up in an abandoned blazer from nine years ago.
8. Flashy Jewelry
Flashy jewelry draws a lot of attention, much like an animal print blouse or bold winter accessory. A simple pendant here or a wedding ring there is completely fine, but don’t break out your entire jewelry box.
9. Strong Perfume
A quick spritz of perfume isn’t the end of the world—dousing yourself beforehand is. Plenty of people attend funerals, and a strong scent could easily trigger allergies. You’ll also chat with people throughout, so keep it subtle or skip it.
10. A Full Face of Makeup
There’s nothing wrong with a little makeup, but you’ll cry a full face clean off. It’s okay to forego your everyday routine for something less noticeable. Don’t be shy about ditching makeup altogether, either.
Now, that doesn’t mean you’re without options, and it doesn’t mean you need to overthink your attire. You still have several appropriate options, so let’s explore the best attire and accessories for such an occasion.
1. Simple Black Shoes
You can’t go wrong with a good pair of black shoes. Women can opt for ballet flats or casual boots in the wintertime, whereas men can easily slip into a pair of Oxfords or dress shoes. Just make sure they’re comfortable for a potential day of walking.
2. Sunglasses
It’s natural to cry at funerals. It’s also natural to feel a little self-conscious about it. If the funeral takes place outside, sunglasses aren’t against conventional dress codes. Pop them on for a touch of privacy during the ceremony—just take them off once you’re inside.
3. Casual Accessories
Everyday accessories like cufflinks, winter scarves, and casual jewelry work well at a funeral. They aren’t out of place and appropriately tie an outfit together. Try to keep things minimal, though, to prevent going overboard.
4. Dark Tones
It’s okay if you don’t have an entire black ensemble at home. Gray or navy tones work just as well. Burgundy is also good in a pinch. It’s not about avoiding color per se; it’s about keeping your hues in line with the dress code.
5. A Light Coat
It’s a good idea to pack a light coat or sweater. Anything from trench coats to simple cardigans can combat the cold and keep you comfortable throughout the service. They’re particularly useful during the chilly months.
6. Small Handbags
You don’t need a tote bag, but small handbags and clutches work well. They’re good to stow your phone, tissues, or simple makeup. They’re also better suited for somber outfits since they aren’t as flashy as an everyday bag.
7. Knee-Length Dress
Mini skirts are an obvious omission, but knee-length dresses are perfectly acceptable. Maxi skirts and dresses work too. Don’t worry about any softer prints either; subtle florals or small polka dots won’t distract guests.
8. Dark Accessories
Whether it’s leather gloves or a pair of socks, everything should match the dress code. It might seem strange to dress head-to-toe in black, but it’s stranger to sit down in a dark suit and show off an inappropriate banana pattern.
Fotógrafo Samuel Cruz on Unsplash
9. Plain Blazer
Plain black blazers look good on anyone, and there’s a reason they’re a common choice for such sombre settings. They pair well with dresses and slacks alike, so there’s no shame in slipping one on. So long as it’s ironed and fits you comfortably, blazers are a classic choice.
10. Venue-Appropriate Attire
Not every funeral takes place in a parlor. Not every funeral calls for black clothing. The most important thing is that you adhere to the family’s wishes and dress accordingly. A good rule of thumb is to ditch anything you second-guess.
