Parents Need Peace, Too
As a kid, you were always told to tell the truth, so why aren’t parents held to the same standard? If you’re not a parent or you’ve never had the pleasure of answering a toddler's endless questions, then you won’t understand. Whether it’s for safety, hygiene, or a little bit of peace and quiet, sometimes parents just have to lie.
1. Monster Spray
Monsters aren’t real, but that doesn’t stop your kid from getting out of bed after seeing something that spooked them. Luckily, many parents have opted for the “monster spray” option, where they spray water or air freshener under the bed or in the closet so their babies can stay safe from the terrors of the night.
2. Lying Turns Your Ears Red
This effective catch-22 caught any kid in a lie. “We’ll know if you’re fibbing because your ears will turn red, but only adults can see it.” Either your kid will start telling you the truth, or they’ll cover their ears before lying to your face. Definitely one of the more effective lie detector tests out there.
3. Eyes On The Back Of Your Head
Unless she’s a secret alien, your mom doesn’t have eyes on the back of her head. However, parents know everything and see everything. This boils down to a general statement to deter mischief, but is also an excellent commentary on the not-so-sneaky thought process of children.
4. “You Won’t Like It, It’s Spicy”
Don’t want your kid eating your food or accidentally drinking your beer? Just tell them it's spicy! Because of their sensitive taste buds, this effective statement will keep them far away from your snacks. Not everything has to be shared.
5. Your Teeth Will Fall Out
A somewhat true statement if you avoid the task long enough, but this statement strikes fear into the heart of any kid who avoids brushing their teeth. Be careful with this one, however, as kids tend to lose their teeth anyway, and it could lead to a potential meltdown if you don’t choose your words wisely.
6. Chocolate Milk = Brown Cows
We get it, chocolate milk is objectively more tasty than regular milk, but a kid can’t have chocolate milk all the time. This white lie keeps your kid’s blood sugar at a regular level, and you can tell them that there weren’t enough brown cows at the store to make their favorite drink.
7. Your Hair is a Birds Nest
Kids have a low pain tolerance, and anyone who’s tried brushing the long hair of an impatient seven-year-old knows the trials and tribulations of completing this basic hygienic task. Telling your kids that little birds will make a nest and lay eggs in their hair can usually make them agreeable enough to the task.
8. “Yes, It’s Chicken”
Trying new foods can be a struggle for some kids, but for some reason, children love chicken. If your kid hates leaving their comfort zone, just tell them it's chicken! You can do a proper food reveal when they’re emotionally ready to hear it.
9. Put Your Seatbelt On
“If you don’t put your seatbelt on, the car won’t start,” is an effective and necessary white lie for safety’s sake. General knowledge of car safety is important, but a five-year-old doesn’t need the gory details of what happens if you get into a car crash.
10. Sucking Up Ghosts
Some kids really enjoy domestic life and will do their best to tidy up their space. If they’re scared or hesitant to use the vacuum, however, you can tell them it’s sucking up the ghosts in the house. You get a clean floor and a spiritually clean home to boot.
11. Drinking Water To Stop Crying
Drinking water can help you feel better, especially if you’ve cried yourself to the point of dehydration. Telling a kid mid-meltdown that water will make them feel better will pause the screams, because you can’t cry and drink at the same time. Once they’ve calmed down, you can move forward with fixing the problem.
12. The Music Truck
Instead of making the mistake of telling your kids that the music truck sells ice cream, you can tell them instead that it's the music truck that brings the joy of song to your neighborhood. Alternatively, many parents also tell their kids that the ice cream truck only plays music when they’ve run out of product.
13. “I Have Santa’s Phone Number”
Effective all year round, but particularly in the holiday season, telling your kids that you can call Santa and tell them about their bad behavior will freeze a troublemaker in their tracks. They can’t possibly let that jolly old gift-giver know of their bad deeds!
14. Swallowing Watermelon Seeds
While watermelon seeds are generally safe for consumption, they can be a choking hazard for little ones, and eating too many can lead to digestive issues. Instead of explaining the complexities of the human body, just tell your kids that a watermelon will grow in their stomach.
15. “It’s Closed Today”
When a child really, really, really wants to go somewhere but you really, really, really don’t have the energy for it that day, a simple solution is to tell them that wherever they want to go is closed. Nowadays, with iPads being so close by, this really only works on the little ones who don’t have a great grasp on reading.
16. Turning On The Car Light
Driving with a car light on is destructive to the driver, but sometimes kids don’t care, or they really want to read their book. Telling them that turning on the car light is illegal tends to dissuade them, and you’ll be able to safely transport your family to your destination.
17. Swallowing Gum
Teaching kids how to chew gum can be a tedious process, and sometimes kids make the mistake of falling asleep with gum in their mouths, which is a big no-no. Telling kids that if they swallow gum it’ll stay in their tummies for seven years is an effective way to keep them from potential choking hazards.
18. No Batteries
Certain kids' toys are loud and incredibly annoying— and that’s what makes them so fun! However, if you can’t listen to whatever Paw Patrol character they have say the same three lines over and over, you can take the batteries out and tell your kids you don’t have the right replacements.
19. The Tooth Fairy
This funny myth is a great way for parents to collect their kids' baby teeth, and a financial opportunity for the kids. Sure, this lie isn’t rooted in safety, but it's fun to add a little bit of whimsy to the day.
20. “We’re Almost There!”
You’re probably not almost there, but sometimes these three words are all a kid needs to hear for 10 more minutes of a quiet car ride. The best part is that this statement can work a few times before they catch on, and the jig is up.
