Going to Bed Angry in Separate Rooms?
Dating rules can take all the fun out of a new relationship. How long should you wait until you text them again? When should you hop into bed? Can you actually go to bed angry? We’re here to take the guesswork out of partnerships—let’s dive into a few rules couples should never break and which ones deserve their time on the bench.
1. Don’t Cheat on Each Other
Cheating is a massive breach of trust; it causes serious psychological damage to your partner and can even impact their relationships in the future. Successful couples need rules about what constitutes cheating in their situation—even polyamorous ones. Once you draw those lines, you’ll know how to move forward.
2. Communication is Key
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to communicate every little thing to your partner. In fact, some couples take things a step too far, often oversharing and hurting their partner in the process. Take their feelings into consideration and keep the lines of communication open. No big secrets, and speak up before things escalate.
3. Talk About Big Purchases
So, you want to buy a new mug for your adorable collection. No problem! If you plan to buy a restaurant, on the other hand, it’s time to consult your partner. Massive purchases can sink couples, especially if one partner was blindsided. Don’t hop into a new business venture or overspend without consulting them first; if it affects them, they deserve a say.
4. Don’t Keep Huge Secrets
There’s nothing wrong with a little mystery in a relationship, but it’s important to discuss large issues. It doesn’t matter if you foresee an argument, either—hiding misdeeds or keeping secrets breaches trust. It also lets problems fester rather than deal with them head-on.
5. Set Boundaries
Every relationship comes with healthy boundaries, and that’s exactly how it should be. Speak with each other about your emotional, financial, and mental lines in the sand. With a clear path forward, you’ll understand each other better. It’s also respectful to adhere to your partner’s boundaries.
6. Give Each Other Space
No couple should spend every waking second together. You don’t need to be an introvert for alone time, either—healthy personal space is a good way to recharge batteries and dive into your hobbies. It also provides a sense of security and helps set those boundaries we talked about.
7. Never Weaponize Vulnerabilities
In the throes of an argument, it’s easy to hit your partner where it hurts. However, that low blow is exactly what causes problems down the line. Opening up isn’t easy, and if your partner feels like their vulnerabilities are targeted, they likely won’t trust you with any more of them.
8. Split Duties Fairly
Fair doesn’t always mean 50/50. Couples need to communicate about what “fair” looks like to them. Does one of you work fewer hours than the other? That partner might be responsible for more chores. Does one partner make more money? Well, that person might pick up more bills. Communicate honestly and brainstorm a plan that works for both of you.
9. No Comparisons to Ex-Lovers
There’s this concrete rule in relationships that you can’t talk about ex-lovers, and while you don’t want to harp on previous endeavors, sharing old wounds sets the groundwork for what’s ahead. Speak with your current partner about what you want and let them know why things didn’t work out before; your past isn’t taboo.
10. Don’t Take Them for Granted
Long-term relationships deserve just as many sparks as new love. Don’t get complacent with your partner. Buy them little gifts here and there. Tell them how much you love them. Treat them to a homemade dinner. No matter how long you’re together, couples should always appreciate one another.
Relationship “rules” have been around since the dark ages, and some of them belong in the past. With the good ideas out of the way, let’s peek into some rules that deserve to be broken.
1. Go to Bed Angry
You’ve likely heard this old chestnut before. It makes sense in theory, but forcing resolution isn’t the solution you think it is. Not every argument is dealt with in an hour. Sometimes, it’s not even dealt with in an evening. You aren’t sleeping on your problems; you’re giving each other time to cool off and reach a proper resolution in the morning.
2. Sleep in Different Rooms
We know, we know! Many couples swear by this rule, often considering separate rooms the first step to a breakup. While that’s certainly true in some cases, other couples thrive with a space of their own. Maybe one of you snores. Maybe one of you has a different sleep schedule. Maybe you just like having your own space! There’s nothing wrong with that, so long as you talk about it first.
3. A Little Mystery is Okay
This is a tricky rule. Some people mistake “a little mystery” as a free pass to openly lie or deliberately hide things from their partner. That’s not what we’re advocating. We’re saying the choice is yours for certain topics; you don’t need to share everything with your partner, but you should feel safe enough to actually do so (and to want to).
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4. Have Your Own Bank Account
Married couples usually share a bank account, and that’s completely fine. You can both contribute, you’ll see where the money goes, and you can discuss big purchases beforehand. However, it doesn’t make sense for every couple, especially if you’re both working. Chat about it beforehand and weigh the pros and cons.
5. Break Through Gender Stereotypes
Gone are the days of gender stereotypes! Men can stay at home with the kids. Women can work a high-paying career. You can split the dishes. However household duties look to you both, don’t let archaic ideas cloud your judgement.
6. Say You’re Sorry
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Wrong. Actually, that couldn’t be more wrong. Love means saying sorry when you’re at fault. An important part of strong relationships is admitting wrongdoing and moving forward together. You’ll never get there if you assume things are over without responsibility.
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7. Talk About Touchy Subjects
It takes a whole lot of patience and bonding to fully open up, and that’s okay. That said, people deserve a safe space to share their feelings, and partners deserve the truth. Don’t shy away from rough conversations.
8. Pay for Yourself
We already spoke about gender stereotypes, and a common one is expecting the man to pay for everything. It’s one thing to treat your partner to dinner, but it’s best not to expect that every time. If you can grab the bill once in a while, it helps take the load off their shoulders.
9. Quit Giving Advice
Strong couples share their feelings and ask each other’s advice—the key point being that they ask. Although it’s tempting to offer unsolicited advice, many professionals agree that too much support can actually hinder rather than help. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let your partner figure things out for themselves and support them along the way.
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10. Don’t Hide Who You Are
Do you struggle with mental illness? Do you have any bizarre quirks? Don’t hide who you are! It’s not always easy to open up, but the right partner will stick around through the insight. If you’re going to spend your life with someone, you can’t hide who you are anyway, and you shouldn’t have to.
