Searching for Love in a Digital Haze
Dating advice gets passed around like old chain emails. Everyone’s got a trick, a line, a supposed golden rule that they insist works every time. Most of it sounds good in theory—short, catchy, easy to repeat—but when you actually try it in the messy, unpredictable reality of human relationships, it often ends in disaster. Some of these you’ve probably tried yourself, while others you’ve had the prescience to roll your eyes at. Either way, these bits of advice stick around, recycled on talk shows and declared aloud by friends after a couple of drinks in the bar. Here are twenty of the worst offenders.
1. Play Hard To Get
Sounds exciting, right? A little game of cat and mouse. In reality, playing hard to get only creates confusion. Not answering texts for two days doesn’t build intrigue, it makes the other person assume you’re not interested. Worse, it sets up a weird dynamic where games are the default instead of honesty.
2. Never Talk About Exes
Referring to an ex-partner is often treated as a cardinal sin, yet pretending your past doesn’t exist makes conversations weirdly hollow. Mentioning that your ex hated camping or always burned the pancakes doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the past, it just means you have one. And sometimes those little anecdotes are the exact thing that helps your current partner understand you better.
3. Always Let Them Make The First Move
Waiting for the other person to act doesn’t create suspense, it just fosters silence. Imagine both people clutching their phones, each one convinced the other should text first. Hours turn into days, and suddenly what could’ve been a fulfilling relationship fizzles into nothing. Taking the initiative is attractive.
4. Don’t Be Too Available
Sure, no one wants to seem desperate. But let’s be honest—if you actually like someone, what’s wrong with showing it? Canceling dinner with a friend you see every week to grab last-minute tacos with a new crush isn’t a crime. Availability doesn’t kill attraction, indifference does.
5. Opposites Attract
Ah, this cliché. The neat freak falls in love with the slob or the high-achieving accountant with the out-of-work actor. Although those sappy romcoms love to portray this as bliss, reality paints a starker picture. If you can’t agree on the little things, like whose turn it is to do laundry or why you shouldn’t leave leftovers uncovered in the fridge for three weeks, living together will feel like trench warfare. Some differences keep things lively, sure, but constant clashes get old fast.
6. Just Be Yourself
This sounds sweet in theory, but it’s usually tossed out as a lazy platitude when no one knows what else to say. Being ourselves is often confused as allowing the worst parts of us to let loose. Maybe it’s better to aspire to a better version—to be the best, kindest, and most attentive version of yourself.
7. Love Finds You When You Stop Looking
Romantic, yes. Practical, no. If you sit on your couch binge-watching old reruns waiting for fate to intervene, nothing’s going to happen. Meeting people requires effort—whether that’s swiping, showing up to the party, or saying yes to the hike you’d rather skip.
8. Men Should Pay For Everything
This relic still lingers to the annoyance of men everywhere. Sure, picking up the first check is standard, but insisting on it as a matter of course gets old fast, especially if the man isn’t rolling in cash. Nowadays, men want a partnership, not a dependent. Splitting dessert, trading off drinks, surprising each other with gifts can help a relationship feel equal instead of transactional.
9. Women Shouldn’t Make The First Move
This terrible advice has prevented way too many people from forging connections. And all for what—the principle of the matter? Imagine being at a concert and you’re both vibing to the same song. Why not say something first? The idea that only men should initiate conversation is outdated theater.
10. Wait Three Days Before Calling
This one is straight from a rom-com playbook. In real life, putting timelines on interactions is just strange. If you had a nice time, say so immediately. Waiting three days is basically telling someone they’re not a priority. People notice that, and they don’t usually respond well to being treated like an afterthought.
Aleksandra Sapozhnikova on Unsplash
11. Never Kiss On The First Date
Blanket rules don’t work here. For some, it feels right; for others, it doesn’t. It’s as simple as that. Trying to impose a timeline like a dating manual usually leads to unnecessary stress and mixed signals. Chemistry can’t be plotted out in calendar days.
12. Love Conquers All
It’s a noble idea, but bills still need paying, kids still get sick, and if you’re not careful, fundamental disagreements can erode the foundation of your romance. Love matters, yes, but your inherent compatibility and ability to work as a team towards shared goals matter just as much.
13. Jealousy Means They Care
This notion is toxic. If someone loses their cool when you have a coffee with a friend, that isn’t passion, it’s insecurity. A little pang of jealousy now and then might be normal, and it’s important to be respectful as far as appearances go with friends of the opposite sex. But turning jealousy into proof of love is dangerous.
14. Don’t Talk About Money
This is another weird taboo. Whether we like it or not, money makes the world go round. If you’re splitting a vacation or figuring out a down payment on a house, money matters. Money problems are one of the main contributors to broken marriages, so it’s best to be transparent from the start.
15. Always Follow The Rules
There are so many “rules” it’s almost comical. Don’t text back too fast, don’t reveal too much personal stuff upfront, don’t say the word “relationship” before six dates, keep your messages under a certain length. Following an imaginary checklist smothers spontaneity.
16. People Don’t Change
Not true. People change constantly. They learn to cook, they pick up hobbies, they become more patient, or less. Assuming someone can’t grow—or that you can’t—locks everyone into small boxes. Sometimes love itself is what sparks a change.
17. You Have To Share All The Same Interests
Don’t fall into this trap. Having every hobby in common sounds ideal but it can also be exhausting. Do you really want to go to every pottery class or every Saturday morning run? Sometimes it’s healthier when you’ve got your thing and they’ve got theirs. Separate interests give you room to breathe.
18. Don’t Talk Politics On Dates
It feels safer, sure. But skipping those conversations means skipping huge parts of who someone is. Politics show a person’s values, priorities, and what they hope for the future. If that doesn’t matter in dating, what does?
19. All Couples Should Have Children
The idea that every good relationship has to end with children is mistaken. Plenty of couples live together, travel together, and enjoy a fulfilling relationship without ever wanting children. For some, marriage alone is sufficient.
20. There’s Only One Soulmate
It sounds romantic until you think about it. One person, out of billions, perfectly matched to you? The truth is that people adapt to one another and build bonds that require growth and compromise. Believing in a perfect, flawless soulmate makes it harder to recognize the real, imperfect, wonderful person right in front of you.
