Are They Forever Babies or Forever Babied?
Parents want what’s best for their kids, but their unconditional love can also do more than good. When you bail them out of every situation or make appointments into adulthood, you stunt their chance to learn independently—and that’s why we’re here to break down the best and worst things parents do for their kids.
1. Cleaning Up After Them
It’s tempting to clean up after your kids, especially after you’ve told them multiple times, and it would just be easier to do it yourself. However, that babying is exactly what causes entitlement. Teach them young that they’re responsible for their own mess.
2. Bailing Them Out of Every Situation
When kids struggle financially, deal with a bad breakup, or have a bad day at work, parents want to jump in and save the day. But rescuing them from every jam teaches them to rely on you for solutions, not to seek them out in themselves. As hard as it can be, it’s important to let them learn on their own.
3. Speaking For Them
Children don’t need you to fight every battle or speak every word. Don’t ask for job applications on their behalf. Don’t answer questions they were asked. Allowing them to speak for themselves teaches confidence and boosts self-esteem, which comes in handy when you’re not around.
4. Doing Their Chores
Chores come in many forms, regardless of age. Some kids handle the bathroom while others mow the lawn—and both require independence. Even if they leave a few water spots on the plate, teach them how to do chores properly and how to do them alone. Trust us, they’ll be more responsible!
5. Making Appointments
We’re not talking about childhood appointments! We’re talking about appointments in their teenage years or even adulthood. Kids should learn how to handle basic etiquette, and scheduling their own appointments is a great stepping stone.
6. Calling the Shots
Parents are obvious disciplinary figures, but they shouldn’t make every decision for their child. The trick is to offer balanced options in a controlled environment. As they age, limit their choices, and consider their developmental stage; too many options can lead to a lack of motivation, decision paralysis, and overwhelm.
7. Giving Them Rides
There’s nothing wrong with offering your kids a ride—that lifeline keeps them safe and teaches them you’re a good place for support. But you’re not an unpaid chauffeur either. It’s one thing to pick up your kids after a party, but it’s another to give them rides down the street. When they’re old enough, and mature enough, let them explore the neighborhood and get comfortable with public transportation.
8. Paying Their Bills
Are you still paying your adult child’s phone bill? Do you front every credit card charge? A big part of early bills is early responsibility, and kids won’t learn it if you keep bailing them out. Once they’re teenagers, they can handle simple expenses on their own.
9. Unfiltered Screen Time
Kids can learn from Ms. Rachel or spend time talking to their friends, and in the world of social media, it’s almost cruel to cut off access completely! However, there’s a difference between some screen time and endless blue light. Research shows that most kids get anywhere from 5.5 to 8 hours of screen time every day—they only need one or two.
10. Doing Their Homework
Homework can be tough! Heck, we relied on our parents for tricky math problems, too. While you can always help your children, you shouldn’t answer every question. Building dioramas and working through fractions are all part of the learning process.
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Parents should know when to step back, allowing their kids to make mistakes and grow on life’s journey. But there are a few things they should never stop doing for their children, no matter how old they get.
1. Unconditional Love
From life choices to sweeping career changes, kids change their minds all the time. It’s a parent’s job to support them no matter what. When they’re dealing with life’s challenges, it’s always nice to know they have a place to call home.
2. Give an Allowance
This one might ruffle some feathers, but stick with us! Allowances teach your kids early fiscal responsibility. They learn how to budget and how to save, and most importantly, they understand the value of a dollar. It’s up to you on how much they earn (and when they earn it), but small allowances have big payouts.
3. Offer Assistance
Is your child moving into their first dorm room? Maybe they need a little relationship advice. Whatever life throws at them, parents should always lend a helping hand. Remember: you don’t need to butt in—just knowing you’re in their corner is enough sometimes.
4. Listen Without Judgment
It’s not always easy to bite your tongue, but kids learn pretty quickly whether or not they can talk to you. If every conversation turns into a lecture or a screaming match, you can bet they won’t knock on your door any time soon.
5. Have Open Doors
No matter how old our kids get, the door’s always open! From devastating divorces to late-night sleepovers, children should feel welcome with every visit. It might seem like a small gesture, but it can mean the world to them.
6. Set a Good Example
Like it or not, kids are sponges—even when they age. They pick up on anything from mannerisms to problem-solving, so parents are always on the hook. Though it seems like hard work, it’s more of a good opportunity to impart wisdom and mold your kids into model citizens.
7. Teach Healthy Habits
Kids learn a lot more than conversational skills from their parents. Healthy habits, like eating a balanced diet and talking through emotions, benefit children of any age. The sooner you teach them, the sooner they’ll soak up your example.
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8. Make Time for Them
In today’s world, it isn’t always easy to make time for family. It’s not even easy to make time for ourselves! But our kids deserve the world, and part of that picture is being fully present. There’s no job too important. The kids come first.
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9. Teach Life Skills
Kids shouldn’t have to wait until high school to learn about taxes or basic cooking skills. You don’t have to deliver the whole shebang, but you can still teach the essentials, like hygiene, financial literacy, communication, and how to do the laundry.
10. Encourage Their Personality
Your children don’t want to feel ridiculed. So, they’re going to ballet class instead of the soccer field—that’s okay! We all have our own interests and quirks that make us who we are, and parents should be the first people who support that.
