Parenting is the Ultimate Crash Course
There's nothing like becoming a parent to learn some of the most intense lessons imaginable. From learning to live without proper sleep to reconceptualizing time, you will learn a ton once you have a child, and not a second sooner. Here are 20 things you only learn after becoming a parent.
1. You Can Live With Sleep Deprivation
Before having kids, you probably stayed out late, went to pre-drinks, or caught a movie that started at nine at night. Having a child introduces you to a form and level of sleep deprivation that you didn't think was possible. You'll only get a few hours of sleep a night, if you're lucky, and by the late afternoon, you'll be ready for bed.
2. You'll Get Comfortable with Bodily Fluids
Every child experiences explosive poops, and enough ounces of spit-up fill a bottle. When your baby or toddler has a cold, you will have to suck the snot out of their nose. While these things might have once grossed you out, as a parent, they are daily occurrences. You'll get used to each one.
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3. You Learn to Speak Gibberish
As kids learn to communicate, a lot of unusual things come out of their mouths. They basically create a language, and you'll become adept at understanding every syllable. As they grow older, you'll also learn to decipher the hidden meanings behind everything they say.
4. Time Becomes an Unsolvable Enigma
Spending time with our child is a blessing, but it forces each minute to crawl at a snail's pace. There's something about time with a kid that makes a morning or afternoon feel endless. Yet, entire years can feel like they went by in the blink of an eye. As a parent, you have to learn to appreciate the present as it quickly becomes a memory that you'll cherish.
5. Your Body is a Child's Playground
Your child will treat your body like Six Flags. They'll climb on you, make you carry them around, jump on your back, and try to stand on your knees despite your painful expression. The good news is that they'll also cuddle you, rest their head on your shoulder, or even give you a big hug unprompted.
6. You Turn into Tolkien
Kids love being told stories, and you are their favourite author. You will have to invent entire fantasy worlds and casts of characters, and then tell them new stories every night just to get them to fall asleep.
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7. You Discover New Levels of Patience
Even if you were patient before having a kid, being a parent will force you to become patient in ways that would impress a monk. Patience might be the most important tool in any parent's toolbox, and you keep having to sharpen it to meet your child's needs.
8. Develop a Sneaky Eating Habit
You can't satisfy your sweet tooth in front of your child unless you want them to gorge on junk food. Instead, you will learn to sneak some gummies by crouching behind a counter or in your garage. Even eating some ice cream after bedtime has to be done carefully and in secret.
9. Configure Your Financial Priorities
Remember, putting a vacation on your credit card and not worrying about it? Well, keep that memory handy because it can't happen for most parents. Having a kid means putting their needs first, and their needs are often quite expensive. You must budget for years of daycare, summer camp, soccer, and swim classes.
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10. You Can Hear a Child Crying a Mile Away
Becoming a parent does something to your hearing. If you're a heavy sleeper, you'll find yourself waking up every time your kid coughs while they sleep. You'll also be able to hear any child crying from a great distance because you've programmed yourself to pay attention to your child in case they start crying.
11. You Start to Think Differently About Your Parents
Once most people experience the trials of parenthood, they gain some level of appreciation for their parents. Being a parent is hard, and you never get your dues until long after your child-rearing days are over.
12. You Get Used to Constant Noise
There's no such thing as a quiet household if a kid is living in it. They are always screaming, asking a question loudly, or calling your name. This gets even noisier once the playdate phase starts.
13. You Learn the Art of Distraction
You will have to redirect your child's attention multiple times a day. This is to prevent a meltdown or ensure they don't see something upsetting. It doesn't take long to learn what will get your kid's attention as quickly as possible.
14. You Will See the World Through Their Eyes
Being a parent is to live life through your child's eyes. They are earnest, present, and find amazement in many things that we think are mundane. This is one of the best parts of parenting.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
15. Privacy Isn't a Right
It's best to accept that you will lose all your privacy after becoming a parent. You will have a small child in the bathroom with you, will rarely get to run an errand alone, and good luck sending an email without a little human talking your ear off.
16. You Will Plan Like Never Before
Planning is part of the parenting program. You will fill your calendar with every little thing your kid has going on, and will often not let a weekend afternoon happen without a game plan.
17. You Lose Every Negotiation
Kids learn to negotiate at a very young age, and they are as fierce and determined as you can imagine. Since they don't operate with "adult" logic, you will lose most negotiations. Try to savor the small wins when you can.
18. Time Without Kids is Valuable
Whether it's a date night or a quiet hour to soak in a bath, free time is a scarce resource. You need to take advantage of every moment when you're alone, as they don't happen regularly.
19. Your Kids Can Feel Your Stress
Kids are perceptive and intuitive and can tell when you're feeling upset or stressed. While it's not healthy to hide your feelings, you will develop the skill of putting on a happy face when you're around your kid.
20. You Appreciate Your Support Network
Whether it's a friend willing to babysit or a sibling with hand-me-downs, your support network will mean the world to you. They provide a glimmer of hope to stressed parents.
