One Strike And You're Out: 20 Dealbreakers In Every Relationship
Some Things You Can’t Fix
Everyone has quirks and off days, but some behaviors do not belong in a relationship, period. A true dealbreaker is anything that breaks trust, threatens your safety, or repeatedly strips away respect, even if the person insists they “didn’t mean it like that.” If you keep finding yourself explaining away something that makes you feel small or anxious, it may be your sign to stop negotiating and start choosing yourself.
1. Any Kind of Abuse
Physical, emotional, verbal, or other types of abuse are an immediate reason to leave. Harmful behavior is not balanced out by apologies or good moments. If you feel unsafe, your best plan of action is to find a support group and get out of there as fast as possible.
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2. Cheating or “Gray” Cheating
If they cross your relationship boundaries and then downplay it, trust is already compromised. Some couples work through infidelity, but you do not have to stay and rebuild what they broke. When honesty disappears, stability is usually close behind it.
3. Repeated Lying
A one-off lie can be a lapse, but a pattern of lying seeps into any relationship’s foundation. If you cannot rely on what they say about small things, you will never feel steady about the big things. Trust should be built over time and should hardly be questioned within a stable relationship.
4. Controlling Your Life
Control often shows up as “concern” until you notice your choices shrinking. If they monitor your phone, guilt you for plans, or pressure you to dress or act a certain way, that is not love. Your personal freedom is non-negotiable.
5. Isolation From Your People
Someone who tries to distance you from friends or family is weakening your support system on purpose. It may start as criticism, but it often escalates into guilt, fights, or punishments when you spend time with others. Healthy partners do not treat their other relationships like personal threats.
6. Disrespect in Public
A partner who embarrasses you for laughs is showing you their priorities. Public insults, passive-aggressive “jokes,” or sharing private details to get attention are not harmless.
7. Coercion and Pressure
Coercion is when “no” does not get respected, and you feel pushed until you give in. It can show up as guilt trips, threats, persistent arguments, or making you feel responsible for their emotions if you do not comply. A relationship should never require you to surrender your comfort to avoid conflict. If you feel trapped into agreement, that is a serious red flag.
8. Rage and Intimidation
Explosive anger that scares you is a dealbreaker, even if no one gets hit. Punching walls, throwing things, screaming, or driving dangerously to prove a point is intimidation. You deserve a partner whose emotions do not make your body feel unsafe.
9. Habitual Cruel “Joking.”
If their humor regularly targets you, it stops being humor. Constant teasing, insults disguised as “just kidding,” or mocking your insecurities is emotional erosion over time. You should not have to tolerate cruelty because they call it personality. A partner who respects you will not treat your feelings like a personal form of entertainment.
10. Financial Deception
Money lies can wreck your stability quickly. Secret debt, hidden accounts, gambling, or using your money without permission are major breaches of trust. You deserve transparency when your future is tied to mutual decision-making.
11. Constant Boundary Pushing
A boundary is meaningless if it is never honored. If you keep stating what you need and they keep testing it, arguing it, or ignoring it, they are choosing themselves every time. Over time, that pattern turns into resentment and emotional exhaustion.
12. Gaslighting and Mind Games
Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt your reality so they can avoid accountability. If you are constantly second-guessing your memory, feelings, or judgment because they twist the story, that is not healthy conflict. You should feel clearer with a partner, not more confused.
13. Zero Accountability
A person who never takes responsibility will not change in a meaningful way. If every issue becomes your fault, or they turn feedback into a fight, you will stay stuck. Accountability is not a special skill; it is a requirement.
14. Cruelty to Others
How they treat people who cannot offer them anything matters. If they are rude to service workers, dismissive to strangers, or casually mean when they are irritated, it will eventually reach you, too.
15. Weaponized Insecurity
If they punish you for having a life outside the relationship, that is manipulation. Jealousy that turns into accusations, monitoring, or guilt trips will wear you down fast. You should not have to shrink your personality, friendships, or confidence to keep the peace. A partner who cannot handle you being yourself is not ready for a healthy relationship.
16. Secret Double Life
Hidden relationships, secret accounts, or constantly dodging basic questions are giant warning signs. It can make you question just about everything within your relationship, breaking down any trust and respect you have for the other person.
17. Chronic Unreliability
When they consistently break plans, forget important things, or vanish during conflict, it erodes the relationship. Everyone slips up sometimes, but repeated unreliability teaches you not to depend on them. Commitment requires follow-through.
18. Communication Shutdown
Silent treatment, stonewalling, or refusing to talk for days is not mature conflict management. If you cannot address problems without punishment or avoidance, the relationship cannot grow.
19. Sabotaging Your Success
A supportive partner respects your goals and roots for you. If they compete with you, mock your ambitions, or create drama when things are going well, pay attention. Someone who benefits from you feeling small is not a safe person to build a life with.
20. Different Life Goals
Sometimes, the dealbreaker is not toxic behavior; it is a fundamental mismatch. If you want different things from kids, marriage, monogamy, religion, or where to live, love will not erase that. Staying often just delays the same ending.
