Daily Appreciation Can Help a Marriage
It's challenging to repair a broken marriage. Most are laced with years of hurt feelings and poor communication. By accepting your marital issues and practicing habits like setting shared goals and creating more physical connection while seeking counseling, your marriage might have a shot. Here are 10 ways to fix your marriage and 10 that never work.
1. Prioritize Communication
Communication is the foundation of every marriage. It should be calm, honest, and open. Take time every day to communicate without distractions, and focus on listening, rather than solely responding. This is a great way to clarify misunderstandings before they spiral.
2. Rebuild Emotional Intimacy
A great way to reconnect is by spending time together without screens and digital distractions. You can spend this time expressing your feelings, goals, and fears, or enjoy a shared hobby or go out for a fun date night.
3. Practice Forgiveness
Grudges can sink a marriage. Forgiving doesn't mean excusing hurtful things or papering over mistakes. It means letting go of the burden that comes with resentment. Tell your partner what hurt you, set clear boundaries, and commit to moving forward.
4. Seek Counseling
Couples are often hesitant to seek the help of a marriage counselor, but sometimes it's necessary. A neutral third party can impartially offer strategies and guidance on how to repair your marriage. The truth is that even strong marriages could benefit from the odd session as a preventative measure.
5. Show Daily Appreciation
Appreciation enables you to create and sustain meaningful connections. Make it a daily habit to express gratitude to your partner. Your appreciation can be about something small they did or a major action that you found admirable or helpful.
6. Set Shared Goals
Couples who share a vision thrive. This shared vision can be about finances, family, or career goals. Trying to achieve these goals together can make your marriage feel more aligned and like you are a formidable team.
7. Reignite Physical Connection
Hugs, hand holding, or any physical closeness can help form a deeper emotional bond. Make it a priority to physically connect with your partner as often as possible.
8. Learn Each Other's Love Language
Understanding how your partner likes to receive love can help you meet their emotional needs more effectively. Learn if they prefer kind words, gifts, acts of service, or a gentle touch.
9. Manage Conflicts Constructively
Disagreements happen in every marriage, but how you handle them can either fix your marriage or destroy it. Do your best to avoid yelling, blaming the other person, or constantly bringing up past mistakes. The best strategy is to stick to the actual problem and tackle it head-on. Take a break when emotions run high and return to the conversation with a level head.
10. Commit to Self-Improvement
A strong marriage is challenging with people who are not the best versions of themselves. Work to improve your physical, mental, and emotional health to grow as a person and be a better partner.
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1. Ignoring Problems
Acting like issues don't exist and everything is fine only allows the issues to fester. Avoidance will never fix a marriage, so do your best to address issues early and honestly.
2. Blaming and Shaming
Always blaming or criticizing your partner without reflecting on how you contributed to the problem can create emotional distance. Try to focus on solutions and how you can help the situation, not what your partner is doing wrong.
3. Silent Treatment
Withdrawing from your relationship and refusing to communicate won't get you anywhere. Progress comes from open communication, so take the time to discuss how you feel with your partner.
4. Comparing to Others
It's never productive to compare your partner to other people, especially if it's a way to point out their faults. Treat your relationship as unique, and don't measure it against other people or relationships.
5. Expecting Change Without Effort
Expecting your relationship to change without working toward it will leave you disappointed. Change takes time and effort. You can't just wish it. If you want to change, then speak to your partner about how you can achieve it together.
6. Weaponizing Intimacy
Much like the silent treatment with communication, withholding affection can damage trust and create emotional distance. Instead, use closeness to build your relationship back up.
7. Keeping Secrets
All types of deception break trust. Transparency is the backbone of a marriage, and important for each partner to feel safe. All that keeping secrets does is foster suspicion and hurt feelings. You're better off working to create a safe environment where you and your partner can openly share what's on your mind.
8. Using the Past as a Crutch
Constantly bringing up past mistakes will close the door on healing as a couple. Stop bringing up resolved issues just to hurt your partner. All this does is open closed wounds and prevent your marriage from growing.
9. Relying on Outside Help
Outside help, like buying gifts or having another child, won't resolve the issues in your marriage. These are superficial and will only distract from the problems you're having. Even if they act as a temporary band-aid, the real problems are lurking and festering.
10. Using Ultimatums
Threatening divorce will destroy the emotional safety that every marriage needs to thrive. It makes your relationship about fear, not love. Try to collaborate with your partner, and not coerce them into doing what you want. Ultimatums threaten stability and act as more of an escape route than a proven problem-solving technique.
