Why Men and Women Commit Infidelity
Why do men and women cheat? What motivates them? Interestingly, there are often distinct reasons that drive both sides to want to commit infidelity—and as you read through this article, those reasons might just surprise you. Here are 10 common reasons why men cheat and 10 why women do.
1. Lack of Maturity
Men often cheat because they're immature. They either might not have had many previous relationships (or too many short flings), or they don't know how to take commitment—and the responsibilities that come with it—seriously. They also may not understand the consequences their actions bring.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Men cheat because they're insecure. They may constantly question whether they're successful, handsome, rich, or just good enough to be with their partner. To boost their self-esteem, they may seek validation in other ways. And, thinking that their partner is too good for them anyway, they decide it's "okay" to be unfaithful.
3. Addiction
Another reason for infidelity is an underlying addiction or problem. Some men may struggle with alcohol or substance abuse, which may lead to them cheating on their partners when they're under the influence. Others may constantly crave intimacy and have a "need" to live out their fantasies, leading to a lack of self-control.
4. Selfishness
Men cheat because they're selfish. They prioritize themselves in the relationship and think little about how hurtful their words and actions can be. They may have never wanted to be in a monogamous or committed relationship—even if kids are currently in the picture. All they think about is themselves, and they'll continue lying to get what they want.
5. Thrill of the Chase
Knowing that they caught the gem they wanted, this strokes men's egos. They love the feeling of being able to get the person they're trying to pursue, so they'll continue to chase after that thrill, even if they're already in a committed relationship.
6. Narcissism
Narcissistic men are the complete opposite of insecure men; these types of men feel like they're above everyone else. They truly believe that they're the "best of the catch," that they could get anyone they wanted, and that they're too good for their current partner. So, what do they do? They cheat.
7. Crave Adventure
Men, especially married men, might become disillusioned after they're tied down. They might see the husband's role as mundane, and that raising a family—on top of work and financial responsibilities—isn't as great as they thought it'd be. The desire to break out of that mold and search for adventure makes them cheat.
8. Opportunity Presents Itself
Men rarely have self-control when opportunity places itself in their laps. A night out with friends could lead to too much drinking and bad decisions. A heated argument with their partner could lead to mindless swiping on a dating app. When the temptation is there, men usually go for it.
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9. Out of Boredom
Why do men cheat? Sometimes, it's just because they're bored. That could mean anything from being bored with the relationship, their partner, or life in general. They, again, crave that thrill of adventure and chase, and they'll act on it without caring about the consequences.
10. Bad Childhood or Dating Experiences
Men may also cheat because they were brought up in a bad home with no positive role models to look up to. They might have seen their parents' relationships and thought to mirror it because that was the "love" they grew up seeing. Some men who have had bad dating experiences may also decide to cheat.
What about women, then? Let's take a look at 10 different reasons why women might be unfaithful.
1. Unhappy with Relationship
Women may cheat if they're generally unhappy with their current relationship. In fact, this is the most common reason, proven by recent research. Women who feel dissatisfied or have had an ongoing conflict with their partner may turn to infidelity.
2. For Revenge
Out of anger, resentment, and revenge, some women may cheat to "get back" at their unfaithful partners. After all, they might think: "If they did it, why can't I?" They're often motivated solely by the thought of being able to hurt their partners the same way they were betrayed.
3. Emotional Starvation
Contrary to men who often cheat because they have an intimacy addiction, women may cheat because they're starved of emotional connection or compatibility. The affair may be completely driven by the need to fill an emotional void—a desire for someone who values, emphasizes, supports, adores, and respects them—and might not include physical intimacy at all.
4. Seek Validation
Some women may cheat because they need validation and want to feel seen. Oftentimes, this is due to low self-esteem and deep-rooted insecurity issues, where they might feel inadequate or invisible compared to their partner. When someone else shows attraction and affection, they feel empowered and crave more.
5. Lack of Intimacy
Sometimes, women cheat because there's either a lack of intimacy in the relationship or dissatisfaction. When the routine gets boring with the same partner and that initial spark fades, women may search for someone else to fulfill their needs.
6. Loneliness
Women with partners who are often absent, such as due to travel or work, may feel lonely and long for someone else to fill the void. They might become so starved for affection and connection that they begin fantasizing romantic relationships with someone else, and will act on it if the opportunity arises.
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7. Midlife Crisis
In the ages between 40 and 60, many women may start to think back on their life and past relationships, and compare their current stage with what their true potential could have been. If they're already unhappy with their present partner, this may drive them to commit infidelity.
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8. Unrealistic Expectations
Some women may have unrealistic expectations. Once they realize that their current partner doesn't fit their exact ideal, they might critique everything they do and start searching for someone else—someone who does match what they want.
9. Know Relationship Is Ending
In cases where a separation isn't completely sudden and both sides already know that the end is coming, women may cheat because they realize there's nothing to save, anyway. They may even commit infidelity to speed up the breakup process.
10. Feel Unappreciated
Women play a big role in relationships, especially in marriage and when starting a family. They may work or go to school full time, yet are also expected to take care of things at home. The stress of it all, without explicit words of appreciation from their partner, may lead to a feeling of bitterness. Because of this, they may seek someone else who will value them as they are and for all they do.
