It's All About Me, Me, Me
Narcissistic Personal Disorder is a personality disorder as diagnosed by mental health professionals. However, most people display narcissistic tendencies at some point in their lives. Knowing when you're dealing with narcissistic tendencies vs NPD can be an important tool in understanding relationships.
1. Self-Importance
A little bragging about an accomplishment or something you're really excited about is normal. A grandiose sense of self-importance, on the other hand, is not. Narcissists let every good thing that happens to them go right to their head, even if that superiority isn't properly earned.
2. Entitlement
Similarly, it's normal to expect special treatment on occasions such as birthdays or anniversary, or to hope for a basic level of good service in your daily life. Narcissists treat every day like it's their birthday and expect to be rewarded for it. This behavior builds up unrealistic expectations of what they think they deserve.
3. Arrogance
It may sound corny, but it's true that every single person is special in their own way. For narcissists, this idea can easily become distorted. Not only do they believe that they are better than others, they believe that there's no possible way that ordinary people could understand their rich inner world.
4. Lack Of Empathy
Going off that last point, it isn't just that narcissists believe their inner lives are superior to others, but they can have difficulty even understanding that other people have inner lives that are just as complex. Narcissists can struggle with actively listening in conversations when they aren't centered around themselves. They may also say things without understanding why they can be hurtful, seeing sensitivity as a sign of weakness.
5. Envy
For narcissists, envy isn't a little green-eyed monster that pops up from time to time, it has prime real estate in their brains. On one side of the coin, narcissists will covet what they don't or can't have because they think they deserve it. On the other, they will expect others to be envious of them, even if we have no reason to be.
6. Social Media Addiction
It's become increasingly difficult to judge what constitutes unhealthy screentime. However, rather than simple doomscrolling, narcissists will fixate on the number of attention their posts receive, often posting far often than the average user.
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7. Need For Admiration
For as inflated as they may seem, narcissists often have very fragile egos. They seek external admiration as a means of validating their own insecurity. Not only do narcissists have an overblown sense of self-importance in their own heads, they expect to be just as important to everyone else.
8. Manipulative Behavior
Narcissists often exploit or manipulate others for personal gain. Once they have won you over through compliments, they may use this intimacy to further their own goals. On the other hand, they may also refuse to get too close to anyone as a means of maintaining control.
9. Preoccupation With Power
It's not uncommon to daydream about what your life would be like if you were rich and famous, or if you suddenly found a partner who worships you. The problem is when daydreams become a shield for criticism rather than mere fantasies. Narcissists are often obsessed with power; having it, being surrounded by other powerful people, even the idea of it.
10. Attention Seeking
Narcissists will seek attention everywhere they can, even if it's embarrassing for the people around them. If they find they are not the center of attention, they will go to no lengths to dethrone whomever they believe is stealing their spotlight.
11. Fragile Self-Esteem
Narcissists use their ego as armor, but can actually struggle with their identity. Vulnerable narcissists fear abandonment and lack a clear sense of self. The smallest thing can cause their armor to crumble.
12. Hypersensitivity To Criticism
Narcissists do not take criticism easily. They may try to poke holes in your argument by criticizing you in turn, or divert the critique entirely. Even constructive or mild criticism can be read as a personal attack that leads to aggression at any sort of feedback.
13. Easily Provoked
Because narcissists are so tightly wound, it is easy for them to explode. Challenging their self-importance can lead to an explosion of rage. This rage can range from mild irritation to physical attacks.
14. Ignoring Facts
Living in their own little bubble, it is easy for narcissists to ignore established facts and deride them as "fake news". They may also think that rules do not apply to them.
15. Blaming Others
Because narcissists are the center of their own universes, they believe that they can do no wrong. When they fail—whether it was out of their control or not—they're liable to blame others or outside circumstances. In the same vein, they're less liable to own up to mistakes, even when they seem obvious.
16. Need For Control
Along with manipulation, narcissists often exhibit controlling behavior. In their minds, their sense of self-importance means that they should be the one in charge of every situation. As a result, it is not uncommon for them to lash out when they feel that they have lost control in a relationship or situation.
17. Gaslighting
Gaslighting and narcissism go hand in hand. Gaslighting is not a single incident, but rather a distinct behavioral pattern designed to make a person question their reality. By believing in their own superiority, it's common for narcissists to want other people feel small. This is most often done through tactics such as diversions, denial, or trivializing feelings.
18. Elitism
It may be easy to mistake elitism or simple arrogance. While arrogance is an exaggerated sense of your own feelings, elitism is all about wanting to surround yourself with people who are on your level. Narcissists may regard themselves and a chosen few as the best of the best, while looking down on the rest of us.
19. Begging For Praise
Despite outward appearances, narcissism is often used to mask deep insecurity. Narcissists may harbor a deep well of secret shame or fear of being exposed for what they really are: a regular person. They often require much more validation than others, even if it's for the smallest things.
20. Unable To Center Others
You know when you're trying to hold a conversation with someone and you get the feeling that they're just counting down the seconds until you stop yapping so they can talk instead? Narcissists are often unable to engage with or center others, either in conversations, or in their lives as a whole.
