Some Names Are Just Too Human
Imagine you're meeting your friend's new puppy, and your friend tells you they've come up with the perfect name for their new fluffy pal: Greg. Suddenly, the pooch you're petting doesn't seem so cute anymore, do they? Sure, it's all names at the end of the day, but there's a reason why pets often get cutesy-sounding names, like Luna and Caramel, and not "Sir Wellington V." (Actually, we take that back; that one's pretty cool, too.) In any case, if you're welcoming a new furry friend, don't give them any of these human-sounding names.
1. Gary
But, you say, Spongbob has a snail named Gary! Even then, this name suits a fictional pet much better than a real one. Can you imagine arguing with your pet in the backyard, telling them to "Get inside now, Gary!" You'd probably earn a lot of weird looks from your neighbors.
2. Barbara
Hey Barbara, could you move my meeting to 1 p.m.? Yeah, your pet could do that if it were your actual secretary at work and not the pet that loves to scratch up your couch and sleep until noon. You may inevitably shorten the name to Barb, which honestly doesn't make it any better.
3. Keith
The name Keith probably doesn't exactly bring to mind floppy ears, wagging tails, or an obsession with tennis balls. You might have a colleague named Keith, but your pet? Just imagine having to explain to your boss that you were late for work because Keith kept knocking over his food bowl.
4. Susan
You know what's worse than naming your pet Barbara? Naming it another human name that sounds like your fluffy friend should be working the front desk. There are plenty of unique names that work beautifully for pets, but sorry, Susan just isn't one of them.
5. Craig
Craig has such a distinctly adult human ring to it that that, if you were to name your hamster Craig, it sounds as though he should probably be helping you with your mortgage rather than running on a wheel all day. Even scheduling vet appointments would sound strange!
6. Deborah
Deborah sounds like she should be handing in her work files to you on your desk by 5 p.m. It certainly doesn't suit a pet whose daily responsibilities include sleeping, chewing up your couch, and staring at walls. "Deb" and "Debby" might fare better, but at that point, why not just name them something normal?
7. Kevin
Ah, yes, Kevin. Everyone knows your pet Kevin. No, it's not weird that you also have a friend named Kevin, and a coworker named Kevin, and the guy working the cashier at your favorite local grocer is named Kevin. You see what we mean? Kevin has such an unmistakably human sound to it that attaching it to a ball of fluff can be pretty odd.
8. Linda
Linda feels like she should be exchanging pleasantries with you at the grocery store rather than waiting beside the food bowl. "No, Linda, down!" you say, as you take your pet out for a walk, only to realize everyone on the street is now staring at you weird.
9. Brian
There are dogs named Taffy, cats named Luna, and then there's Brian. Sure, you could argue that the dog in Family Guy is named Brian, but again, it's probably best you leave these human-sounding names for cartoon characters and not your actual pet.
10. Patricia
You could soften Patricia up by calling your fluffy friend "Pat" instead, but again, if you need to essentially rename them or call them by a nickname, you're better off just giving them a normal pet name. You don't want to be chasing your pug down the street while yelling "Patricia!" do you?
11. Steve
Tell a friend, "Steve needs to lose three pounds," and they'll likely wonder if you're body-shaming a colleague or a partner, not your overweight Pomeranian. Try calling for Steve at a crowded park—you'd have several humans turning their heads before your pet runs over.
12. Nancy
Nancy's a great name. A wonderful name. That is, for a human. If you name your pet Nancy, you may unfortunately have to explain to everyone that you have a Nancy at home chewing up your expensive shoes. Don't be offended if someone asks you why you named them Nancy.
13. Doug
Doug is close to "dog," which might be appealing to you, but will probably have all your friends and family scratching their heads. Introducing your dog Doug means people may initially assume they misheard you, too, depending on how fast you say it. Doug might be a good dog, but Doug likely wishes you named them something else.
14. Karen
Unless your pet looks like they'd ask to see the manager, you might want to steer clear of this name, considering it comes with internet-era cultural baggage that your innocent pet didn't ask for. Regardless of how sweet your rabbit may be, calling her Karen could suddenly make her boss you around.
15. Richard
Some human names can give a charmingly vintage feel to animals, but name your pet Richard and it's almost like you've formally crowned the new duke in the household. Yes, that's your beagle, and yes, they're named Sir Richard II.
16. Janet
Naming your pet Janet sounds like she'll start dancing on your living room floor, serenading you with "That's the Way Love Goes." Of course, your pet is not a Grammy artist nor a pop icon, but a dog who likes to chase its own tail.
17. Ronald
Ronald sounds more appropriate for somebody wearing a suit and tie than somebody who likes lounging in your bed all day. On older dogs it might almost work, but on a chaotic puppy? Strange. And don't even think about naming them "Ron" instead.
18. Denise
Denise sounds like she'd start gossiping about her work drama to you. In other words, it's certainly not the name you'd really give to a pet who scratched at your door last night until you let her into your room. Tell your friend that, and only later will they realize that Denise is a nine-pound cat.
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19. Greg
Honestly, we'd say you're better off naming your pet Brian than Greg. The name has such a grown-up human quality that it seems like it should have a career and be responsible for taxes. Plus, telling Greg to stop sniffing a shrub might make your neighbors think you're loony.
20. Carol
Unless your pet likes to sing along to Christmas carols, leave the name Carol at the door. Unique as it is, and as memorable it might be (it's not every day you see a furry pal named Carol), your pet will probably appreciate being named something more appropriate and suited to them.
