Is It Still Cheating?
You're probably familiar with the saying, "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" In other words, does something need to be perceived to be considered real, and for others to pass judgment? Yet, even if you're not outright unfaithful to your partner, and even if your partner never finds out about your actions and true emotions, it could still be considered infidelity. In fact, some of the things on the list may surprise you because you might be doing it without knowing. Here are 20 not-so-obvious actions that are still considered cheating.
1. Keeping a Dating App “Just for Fun”
Be honest: raise your hand if you still have a dating app on your phone. Even if you're not actively matching with anyone or chatting with any of them, swiping through the stack just because you're "curious" is still an iffy line. It's almost as if you're keeping other possibilities open.
2. Having Secret Flirty Conversations
That new coworker might be just too gorgeous not to throw a flirty comment at, but if you're keeping these exchanges from your partner, that can still be considered cheating. Worse yet is if you regularly send suggestive remarks or texts to someone else while keeping it a secret.
3. Building an Emotional Relationship with Someone Else
Contrary to what you may think, something can still be considered infidelity even without physical touch. For example, if you regularly confide in someone else or share your deepest secrets with them, to the point that you feel a stronger emotional connection with them than your partner, that intimacy can be just as bad as getting into bed with them.
4. Hiding a Friendship Because Your Partner Would Object
Not every opposite- or same-gender friendship needs your partner’s approval, of course; you're your own person, and you deserve to build connections with whoever you want. However, it gets blurry if you deliberately conceal a particular friendship. Deep down, you might already feel guilty because you know your partner would be upset by the dynamics. If a "platonic" relationship requires deception, it's probably no longer simply friendship.
5. Staying in Contact with an Ex
Sure, you and your ex might have stayed as great friends, but if you're hiding that friendship from your current partner, that can still be considered cheating. It's even worse if you purposely lead your partner to think the opposite: that you're no longer close with your ex at all, and that you would never want anything to do with them again.
6. Sending Suggestive Photos
You don’t have to meet someone in person for an interaction to become intimate, either. And even if they're a complete stranger, sending revealing or provocative pictures to someone who isn't your partner is just as bad as getting physical with them. Even photos that stop short of being explicit can carry unmistakable romantic intent.
7. Asking Someone Else for Suggestive Photos
Receiving a suggestive photo without asking for it is one thing, but encouraging someone to send one is another. The latter, after all, signals you're an active participant. Even if you delete the images afterward, that won't erase the fact that it happened.
8. Maintaining a Secret Online Romance
Yes, even your WOW "wife" can be considered cheating, even if it's an "inside joke" between you and this online player you've never met. The connection you form can quickly turn into something more intimate later on, even without you realizing. Claiming that it "isn’t real" because you haven’t met isn't a good enough argument—remember our tree in the forest example?
9. Pretending You’re Single Around Certain People
While there could be certain situations where you might want to hide a relationship (from nagging or unaccepting parents, for example), it's an entirely different thing to create the impression that you’re available. Removing your ring, in particular, is especially telling. The reason behind your deception also matters: if being known as taken would interfere with someone’s interest in you, hiding your relationship can become its own betrayal.
10. Giving Someone Else Romantic Attention
Whether it's constant compliments or special gifts, giving another person attention that's typically reserved for a partner can quickly blur the line. While none of those actions alone prove infidelity, it's the intention behind them that can transform their meaning.
11. Regularly Confiding in Someone You’re Attracted To
As we've mentioned, even establishing an intimate emotional connection with someone else can be considered cheating. Of course, receiving emotional support from friends isn’t an automatic no-no, but there's a difference if you're confiding in a person you already know you're attracted to. If you're always deliberately sparking conversation with them to "test the waters," that's already being unfaithful.
12. Deleting Messages Before Your Partner Can See Them
You could delete a text for plenty of innocent reasons, but routinely getting rid of messages from one particular person is different. Ask yourself: Why do those texts need to disappear in the first place? Is it because you don't want your partner to see them? Is it because you already know you feel something romantic, even if the messages themselves aren't suggestive?
13. Using a Secret Account to Talk to Someone
Even if your name and face aren't tied to an account, making an entirely new one specifically to hide communication is still pretty telling. After all, all you're doing is giving the interaction a private space so your partner can't see. Your messages don't need to be flirty or explicit for the behavior to be wrong, either.
14. Going on Not-a-Date Date
Calling a hangout "friendly" doesn’t automatically make it one. You might think you're off the hook because you're not keeping it a secret from your partner, but if there’s still mutual attraction or romantic intent in these not-a-date dates, let's call it as it is: dates.
15. Repeatedly Seeking Attention from a Particular Person
Enjoying attention is normal—who doesn't want to be told they're attractive? But if you're repeatedly trying to get attention from one specific person, such as dressing to specifically gain their notice, fishing for compliments from them, and finding excuses to chat, that moves beyond harmless validation. Remember: it's the intention that matters, even if nothing comes out of it.
16. Sharing Things You Deliberately Keep from Your Partner
Hiding messages from your partner is one thing, but sharing details about your life that you deliberately keep secret from your partner is another. That, after all, can create a separate intimate bond. Your partner, not someone else, should know all your sides.
17. Reconnecting with an Old Flame for Romantic Reasons
Looking up someone from your past isn’t always a bad thing, especially since social media makes that pretty effortless. But the trouble starts when you're looking them up to revive old feelings or see whether they’re still attracted to you. Again, it's worse if you conceal it from your current partner.
18. Engaging in Intimate Video or Voice Calls
Worse than sending provocative photos? Having an intimate video or voice call with someone else. Even if nothing happened "in person," the intention (the keyword) was still there. For many couples, digital intimacy breaks the same relationship boundary as its offline equivalent.
19. Encouraging Someone Who Clearly Wants You
Even if you feel nothing for the other person, simply egging them on—especially when they clearly are romantically attracted to you—is enough to be considered unfaithful. At the end of the day, that's still an inappropriate dynamic that your partner would definitely not tolerate.
David Escala de Almeida on Pexels
20. Lying About Whereabouts or Who You Were With
If you've ever had to make up a cover story to hide that you were meeting with someone from your partner, that's a glaring red flag. Why do you feel the need to hide it, if not because there's a spark there? Of course, while not every omission equals cheating, deliberately lying is still teetering on the line.
