20 Ways To Deal With Family & Friends Who Don't Approve Of Your Partner
Trouble In Paradise?
Learning that your loved ones don't approve of your partner can be heartbreaking and emotionally exhausting. Their opinions may come from a place of love, but that doesn't make them any easier to hear. It can even start making you feel uneasy about the very relationship you've worked so hard to build. Here are 20 ways to deal with your family and friends disapproving of your partner with grace while protecting your peace of mind.
1. Be Confident In Your Relationship
When you learn that people close to you don't approve of your partner, it can take you off guard to such an extent that you lose confidence in your relationship. Don't throw away a loving partnership just because some people in your life don't understand or see it.
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2. Seek An Outside Perspective
In times like these, it helps to have an outside, impartial party who can give you advice and clarity. This can be a trusted, neutral friend or a therapist.
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3. Set Boundaries
If before you were inviting your partner to all your family functions and talking openly about them to your loved ones, now things might start to look a little different. To avoid infighting or added tension, set boundaries with your loved ones.
4. Encourage Them To Get To Know Your Partner Better
Many times, when family and friends are against your partner, it's really just because they don't know them well enough. Don't push it, but try to create opportunities where your loved ones can connect with your partner in more meaningful ways.
5. Find Neutral Ground
It can be hard to connect when the only opportunities are formal gatherings. Create settings where your loved ones and your partner can interact without any added pressure.
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6. Don't Get Upset
Try not to get upset when talking with your loved ones about your partner, as this will only add to the drama. Listen to their concerns calmly and know that it comes from a place of love.
7. Ask For Specific Reasons
Ask your loved ones for clear, specific reasons for their disapproval and don't interrupt or try to make excuses as they tell you. Love is blind, so having your loved ones lay out their concerns can help you reflect and look at your relationship more objectively.
8. Reflect Honestly
It can be jarring to hear that your loved ones disapprove of your romantic partner. Take time to reflect honestly to decide whether their points have any merit before reacting.
9. Keep Private Matters Between You & Your Partner
If before you would talk openly about conflicts within your relationship, you now may want to tone that down. Sharing too many details about your disputes may sour their image of your partner.
10. Give It Time
Sometimes, people just get the wrong first impression. It takes time to really get to know someone, and if you see a long future with your partner, you have plenty of time for everyone to get better acquainted.
11. Explain Your Perspective
Don't get overly defensive, but if you see your loved ones simply misunderstanding certain aspects of your partner, an explanation may be helpful. Clarify any potential confusion before moving forward.
12. Avoid Criticizing
When you're feeling hurt or betrayed, it can be tempting to turn that critical lens back on your loved ones. However, this will only fuel the drama and create deeper rifts.
13. Prioritize Your Partner
Even where your family is involved, your partner should come first. Reinforce your commitment to your relationship and make your family and friends understand where your loyalties lie. This way, they will understand how serious you are about your partner, and they may put in more effort to get to know them better.
14. Don't Lose Confidence In Your Relationship
When you learn that your loved ones don't like your partner, it can cause a lot of confusion. However, don't lose sight of your love and don't forget about everything you've worked hard to build just to please them. This is your life.
15. Be Open With Your Partner
You might feel hesitant to open up to your partner about what's going on, as you don't want to hurt their feelings. However, it's better to be open and honest so they don't feel blindsided and can help come up with solutions.
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16. Seek Support Elsewhere
If before your family and friends were your support system when it came to conflict in your relationship, you may want to consider looking elsewhere. Confide in a therapist or a trusted, neutral friend instead.
17. Accept It
It's natural to want to find solutions and make everyone get along. However, at a certain point, you may just have to accept that your loved ones and your partner just don't jibe. Not everyone likes everyone, and that's okay.
18. Focus On Establishing Mutual Respect
After finding out this news, you may have to shift your expectations. Instead of focusing on everyone being best friends, encourage mutual respect and don't tolerate anyone being rude to your partner.
19. Avoid Ultimatums
Learning that your loved ones don't approve of your partner can be upsetting, and we all do extreme things when we're upset. However, avoid cutting people off too early, as that can simply backfire. Foster communication and understanding first.
20. Keep In Mind They Worry Because They Care
Although they may not express it very clearly, your loved ones' disapproval comes from a place of love. Keeping that in mind can help you deal with the situation more calmly.
