Little White Lies
White lies can sometimes feel necessary in a relationship, but when you rely on them too much, they can also slowly weaken trust. The key difference usually isn’t the size of the lie, but what it protects: your partner’s feelings in a small moment, or your own comfort at the expense of honesty. From saying "I'm fine" when you're not, to saying "I love your cooking" when you actually don't, here are 10 white lies you should never tell your partner and 10 that are generally okay.
1. “I’m Fine”
We're all probably guilty of this one. But saying you’re fine when you’re actually upset forces your partner to guess what’s going on. It also trains both of you to avoid direct conversations, which makes conflicts last longer. If you need time, say that plainly instead of pretending nothing’s wrong.
2. “Your Snoring Isn't That Bad"
Hear us out (if you can through all that snoring): even if you don't want to make your partner feel bad for sounding like they could blow the house down at night, it's still best to be honest. If their snores are disrupting your sleep, poor rest could affect other areas of your life. Plus, sleep is a health issue; if the snoring is particularly loud or persistent, it’s worth bringing up and encouraging a medical check-in because it can signal problems like sleep apnea.
3. “I Love Your Family”
Be honest: do you really? It might seem rude to say otherwise, but if your partner's family constantly disrespects or belittles you, saying a white lie can pressure you to continue tolerating bad behavior. It also leaves your partner unaware of what’s happening, which makes it harder for them to protect the relationship. A more honest approach is naming specific behaviors and agreeing on boundaries you can both defend.
4. “It Doesn’t Bother Me”
This line might keep the peace for a day, but it won’t fix a pattern that’s repeatedly wearing you down. Over time, your partner learns the wrong lesson and assumes their behavior is truly okay, which only hurts the relationship more. You can be calm and still be clear about what needs to change.
5. “I’m Over It”
Are you really over it? If the problem is still brewing fresh in your mind, calling something resolved before it’s actually processed means you're more likely to distance yourself or respond irritably. Your partner can’t repair what they don’t know is still broken, so being honest about what you’re still feeling gives you both a real path forward.
6. “It Wasn’t That Expensive”
Money matters can shake security, so it's probably best not to lie about your spending. If you share bills, goals, or living costs, honesty matters more than avoiding a tense conversation. A straightforward budget talk is uncomfortable once, but secretive or hidden spending can harm a relationship in the long run.
7. “Your Friends Are Great”
As we mentioned earlier, it's best to be honest if your partner's family is giving you a hard time. Similarly, if their friends cross lines and you pretend it’s fine, you end up absorbing the fallout alone. Your partner may keep inviting the same dynamic because they think you’re comfortable with it. Naming the specific behavior gives your partner something concrete to address without turning it into a personal attack.
8. “This Lifestyle Works for Me”
Agreeing on the surface can delay conversations about work-life balance, living arrangements, spending, or long-term goals. That delay can make the eventual conflict feel bigger and more final than it needed to be. Trust us: it’s more respectful to be honest early than to stay silent until you’re fed up.
9. “Nothing Happened”
If you crossed the line somewhere, it's best to come clean about it right away. Downplaying a boundary slip, whether it’s flirting or something else, might protect you, but not the relationship. It robs your partner of the chance to understand the situation fully and decide what rebuilding looks like. Honesty is uncomfortable, but concealment is worse.
10. “I’m Happy”
If you're not actually happy in the relationship and you're just pretending to be okay, it'll only hurt both of you. This kind of lie delays necessary decisions and keeps your partner emotionally invested in a situation you’re not being honest about. It can also make the eventual conversation feel like a sudden betrayal rather than an understandable turning point. If you’re having real doubts, you owe them the respect of transparency.
Now that you know which white lies you shouldn't tell your partner, let's jump to the fun part: the white lies that are generally okay.
1. “That Haircut Is Perfect on You”
If your partner is already feeling not so great about a change in style, whether it's a haircut or a new set of clothes, you don't want to make them feel worse than they already do. Depending on your relationship dynamic, you might be able to joke around, but in general, it's better to tell your partner you love them exactly the way they are, funky haircut or not.
2. “I’m Good with Whatever You Choose”
When it’s truly a small decision, letting your partner pick can be a good thing. For one, it reduces unnecessary back-and-forth that makes everything feel more serious or heavier than it needs to be. The important part is that you speak up when it’s not actually low stakes for you, and the choice does matter.
3. “I Didn’t Even Notice It”
If your partner is worried about something minor, like a small blemish or a weird hair day, you don’t have to validate the anxiety. A kind response can prevent an unnecessary spiral and keep the mood steady. That said, you should never use this line to dismiss deeper self-esteem concerns.
4. “It’s Not a Big Deal”
When it's truly something minor that doesn't bother you too much, it's okay to let it go. Relationships run better when not every tiny irritation becomes a discussion. It's best to speak up if it actually bothers you, but if not, don't waste your energy keeping score.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
5. “That's Exactly What I Wanted”
Not every gift will land perfectly, but even if something isn't to your personal taste, if your partner put effort into it, it's best to appreciate their thoughtfulness and intention. A grateful response keeps the moment warm and avoids embarrassing them. However, if the mismatch is recurring, you can later give clearer hints about what you actually like.
6. “I Love Your Cooking”
Even if it's to your taste, you can still mean that you love the effort, the care, and the fact that they’re excited to feed you. Whether cooking is their passion or they’re just experimenting, positive reinforcement can make it easier for them to keep learning and having fun.
7. “I'd Love to Do That Over This”
If your partner has something they're truly passionate about, whether it's dancing or theater, telling them that you'd rather spend time with them than do something else you like shows that you prioritize them. Even if the activity bores you, at least you're making them happy.
8. “I’m Not Hungry”
Sometimes it’s easier to say you’re not hungry than to complicate timing, reservations, or your partner's meal. If it doesn’t affect health, budgets, or shared plans, it’s a harmless white lie to tell. Just don’t turn it into a pattern that hides needs or causes confusion.
9. “I Had a Really Nice Time Tonight”
Let's face it: not every date is perfect. But even then, not every date has to be a standout to be worth appreciating. This kind of comment tells your partner you value the relationship and the chance to spend time together, not just the activity. It also encourages more effort and connection, which is usually a good thing.
10. “You Haven’t Aged a Day”
Most people hear this as an affectionate exaggeration, often too good to be true, but it can still be a sweet way to reassure your partner when they’re feeling self-conscious about time passing. Keep it grounded by also noticing things you genuinely admire, so it doesn’t turn into pressure to stay “unchanged.”
