Not Every Friendship Lasts Forever
It might be a tough pill to swallow, but not every friendship lasts forever. Sometimes, the person you once thought was your platonic soulmate morphs into a stranger. Maybe you start to dread seeing them, your conversations feel awkward, and you're left feeling drained afterwards. But just because a friendship comes to an end doesn't mean it wasn't worth building that bond—it might just mean that you've grown. If you’re starting to notice the shift, here are 10 signs you might be outgrowing a friendship, and 10 ways to accept it gracefully.
1. You Feel Drained
A telltale sign that you might be outgrowing a friendship is if you leave your hangouts with them feeling drained. A healthy friendship should make you feel happy to see them and spend time with them, so if you're instead feeling stressed and exhausted afterwards, that should be a pretty clear indicator.
2. Conversations Feel Forced
Another sign you might be outgrowing a friendship is that conversations don't come easy between the two of you anymore. Instead, it feels stilted and awkward, and it feels like pulling teeth just to fill the silence. Conversations in healthy friendships, on the other hand, feel comfortable, and even short pauses or silence don't feel awkward.
3. You Share Nothing in Common
Maybe when you first became friends you had plenty of things in common: mutual friends, hobbies, interests, and extracurriculars. But as the years go by, you find that both of you have changed, and this shift has caused you to drift apart. It may be why you often can't make casual conversation with this person anymore, because you simply have nothing to talk about.
4. You Dread Hangouts with Them
Instead of feeling excited to see this person and spend time with them, you dread these hangouts. More than that, you feel better off not seeing them at all, and the thought of catching up over coffee spikes up your anxiety. If this sounds like what you're going through, you're likely outgrowing the friendship.
5. You Make Up Reasons to Cancel
Sometimes, you dread seeing them so much that you make up excuses to cancel and push the hangout to another date. But the relief you get is short-lived, because while you might not have to hang out with them this weekend, you'll still need to eventually meet up. By that time, you might even come up with another reason not to go.
6. Can't Resolve an Argument or Fight
Perhaps the reason for your fallout is because of an argument or fight you had with them. In healthy friendships, you're often able to work together to come to a resolution, to make up and forgive. But in a friendship you're already outgrowing, you have neither the energy nor the desire to want to resolve a conflict.
7. You Don't Feel Supported
Whenever you tell this person about an important milestone you've reached or a goal you've accomplished, they don't seem to show much interest. When you don't feel supported by a friend, that can cause a rift and eventually make you both drift apart.
8. You Have to Put on a Different Persona with Them
Another sign you might be outgrowing a friendship is that you feel you have to hide your true self with this person. You might even revert to an old persona, the one you had when you were still good friends with them, just to make your hangouts less awkward.
9. Friendship Feels One-Sided
Sometimes, you outgrow a friendship because you feel like you're the only one putting in the effort. And even when you do try to make time for them, you're hit with another "I'm too busy" text. Unsurprisingly, this can make you drift apart from this person, because no one wants to be in a one-sided friendship or relationship.
10. You Crave New Friendships
Another sign you're drifting apart from a friend? You don't just dread hanging out with them—you want to see other people. You want to make new friends. And if you're preferring meeting someone new over spending time with them, that's a pretty clear indicator your friendship is crumbling.
Outgrowing a friendship can be hard, and that's probably the reason why we often tend to hold onto them longer than we should. But if you're ready to let go, here are 10 ways to accept the loss of a friendship gracefully.
1. Let It Naturally Fade
Instead of trying to force a friendship by rekindling the bond time and time again, even when each attempt has failed, let it naturally fade. Acknowledge the shift and just let it be. If you continue to force it, it may only make you more stressed and unhappy.
2. Tell Your Friend How You Feel
Instead of cutting a friendship off abruptly by ignoring or ghosting them, tell them how you feel. This allows you to be honest and to possibly clear up any misunderstandings or resentment before you make a clean break. Sometimes, you might both just need some time and distance away, so it's okay to leave the door open, too.
3. Acknowledge & Validate Your Pain
Losing a friendship is hard. After all, you've shared a lot of memories over the time you've known each other, so it's completely natural to grieve the end of a friendship the same way you might with a breakup. Be kind to yourself and don't suppress your emotions.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries
As you're slowly letting the friendship fade, it's also important to set healthy boundaries. If you feel exhausted or anxious every time you hang out with this person, be honest and cut your meetings short, or see them less often. The key is to protect your energy so you don't feel emotionally drained.
5. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
As you mourn the loss of a friendship, remember to surround yourself with supportive people. They can help you feel less alone during this time, and their presence will remind you that you're safe, loved, and valued.
6. Cherish the Memories You Had—But Don't Ruminate
You may want to grieve the end of a friendship by looking back at all the memories you shared, and that's completely normal. But while you should cherish the good times you had, you shouldn't ruminate over them if they only make you more upset and emotional. Don't dwell on the past; focus on moving forward.
7. Focus on Growth
Sure, maybe you and they were best friends once upon a time, and you never thought that there would be a day when you'd drift apart from one another. But people change, and priorities shift. To gracefully accept that you've outgrown a friendship, focus on growth and surround yourself with people who match your current values, goals, interests, and who you've become.
8. Take Care of Yourself
Remember to practice self-compassion and take care of yourself as you grieve the loss of a friendship. Don't beat yourself up over the fact that the bond between you both has been severed; sometimes, the old needs to go to make space for the new. Be gentle to yourself, and make sure to process your emotions in a healthy way.
9. Invest in Other Friendships & Make New Ones
Use this time to invest in other friendships or make room for new ones. Don't hole yourself up at home; isolating in this way will only amplify loneliness. Go out and meet up with friends who make you feel happy, energized, and supported, and try to make new connections.
10. Talk to Someone
If you think what you're going through is too much to handle alone, don't be afraid to reach out for support. Whether it's another friend, a family member, or a therapist, speaking out loud about it can help you better acknowledge and process your emotions, so you can move forward in a healthy way.
