Decoding the Signs of Love
Imagine this: you're back from your first date, and you're having mixed feelings. It's not that the date was bad—you're just not sure whether this person is actually interested in you or not. Sure, they seemed to be paying attention for the most part, but you were the one driving the conversation and asking questions, while they sat there fiddling with their phone. So, what's the verdict? Should you go on a second date? Let's decode it: here are 10 signs they're just not that into you—and 10 signs that say they're totally smitten.
1. They Take Forever to Text Back
A telltale sign that someone is just not that into you is when they take forever to text back. It might take them a few days to a week (or more) to finally reply with something simple and curt. Sure, people lead busy lives, but someone who's romantically interested in you would not leave you on "read" for days at a time.
2. They Don't Ask You Questions
Another clear sign that someone is not that into you is when they don't ask you questions or do anything to keep conversations going. Instead, you're the one carrying the discussion, bringing up different topics to chat about, asking them follow-up questions to their responses. And yet, they do the bare minimum back. It's almost like pulling teeth when talking to them.
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3. They Seldom Initiate Plans
Someone who isn't that into you will also seldom initiate plans; you'll have to put in all the work to decide on a date and what to do. Sure, they might still show up at the planned time and place, but there's no real effort from them otherwise.
4. They Make Excuses or Cancel Last Minute
Someone who's just not that into you will also constantly make excuses to change plans and agreed-upon dates and times, or they might even cancel last minute. They rarely ever make up for it, either, so it's up to you to plan something else again.
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5. They Seem Distracted When You're Together
When you finally do get together, they're looking and pay attention to everything but you. They might text their friends, fiddle with their phone, avoid eye contact, and just look distracted. Their body language is telling you that they would rather be anywhere else but here.
6. They Don't Put in Effort to Impress You
Not only do they not put in the effort to initiate plans to see you, but they also don't try to impress you. They don't dress up, they don't offer to pick you up, they don't surprise you with something thoughtful, like flowers. If someone treats you as if they're just hanging out with another friend, they're not into you.
7. They Avoid Deep Conversations
Even if you are able to maintain a conversation with them, it's all surface-level talk. Pry any further or deeper and you'll get shut out or ignored. While it's understandable that vulnerable or personal topics should be saved for when you've gotten to know each other better, someone who only sticks to glorified small talk with you probably isn't that into you.
8. They Talk About Other People
Another clear sign that someone isn't that into you? They talk about other people on your dates. Bringing up friends and family might be harmless, but when they mention their exes and past relationships, you know it's probably game over.
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9. They Avoid Physical Affection
Sure, you might not be into physical affection on the first few dates. But if the other person still doesn't initiate physical affection with you—hugs, small touches, kisses—even after you've gotten closer, or shies away when you try initiating, then they probably don't feel the same way about you.
10. You Feel Like an Option, Not a Priority
When you come back from dates with this person, ask yourself how you feel. Were you treated with respect and like a priority? Or were you treated as if you were just another option? If someone doesn't put in the effort to make you feel special and make your time together worthwhile, then you should probably cut your losses and move on.
How, then, can you tell if someone is into you? Read on for 10 telltale signs that someone is smitten with you:
1. They Check in Regularly
It's not just that they text back fast—they make sure to check in regularly, too. They might share little updates about their day with you, send you funny jokes or photos to make you laugh, or text you good morning and good night. Someone who shows that they love communicating with you is likely very interested in spending more time with you.
2. Their Body Language Is Open
Instead of closing themselves off—hunched shoulders, crossed arms, body angled away—their body language with you is open and warm: they turn to fully face you, they maintain eye contact, and they listen attentively. This is how you know someone is giving you their complete attention.
3. They Remember Small Details
If you mentioned that you had a headache earlier in the week or that your family came over to visit, someone who's romantically interested in you will remember these details and ask you about them later on. They may even bring up tidbits about your life that you forgot you even mentioned (say, like how you take your coffee). Again, that's how you know they're extremely tuned to you.
4. They Show Interest in Your Life & Hobbies
When you chatter on about your passions and interests, they love listening to you. They ask questions, remain open-minded and curious, and show enthusiasm about wanting to learn more. In contrast, if they weren't that into you, they'd probably give the occasional nod but look distant and disinterested.
5. You Have Their Full Attention Whenever You're Together
They're not looking at their phone, texting other people, scanning the room, or fiddling with their bags or clothes when they're with you. Someone who's interested in you and wants to spend more time with you will always give you their full attention. They'll make you feel seen, heard, and valued.
6. They Go Out of Their Way to Do Things for You
You don't need to ask them to do things for you—they go the extra mile on their own. They might surprise you with flowers if you mentioned you had a favorite; they might offer to drive you somewhere even without you asking. When someone puts in the effort, they're doing it to impress you and catch your eye.
7. Their Compliments Are Sincere & Not Generic
Someone who likes you isn't just going to say, "Your hair is nice." They'll go out of their way to compliment you in ways that are unique and meant just for you. For example, they might say a shirt really suits you because it brings out the warmth of your skin tone or the shade of your eyes.
8. They Make the Effort to Spend Time with You
Someone who likes you and wants to spend more time with you isn't going to wait for you to do the honors—they're going to initiate these plans themselves. They might invite you to events, movies, and different occasions, or they might ask you out on a proper date. Either way, they make it obvious that they want to see you and be around you.
9. They Talk to Their Friends About You
Sure, some people might bring up anyone with their friends and not necessarily only those they're interested in, but if they repeatedly mention a certain name, it's probably because they have some feelings for that person. So, if you're ever wondering whether someone likes you, you might want to ask their friends.
10. They Talk About Future Plans That Include You
You'll want to be wary if someone starts including you in their future plans right from the get-go—it could be lovebombing—but if they bring it up after you've been seeing each other for a while, it's likely because they've been thinking about it for a while, too. This is a telltale sign they see you as someone they want to marry.
