10 Red Flags To Look Out For Before You Even Meet & 10 Green Ones That Get Overlooked
10 Red Flags To Look Out For Before You Even Meet & 10 Green Ones That Get Overlooked
The Dating Detective Game
Meeting someone new can feel like stepping into a brand-new adventure. But it’s also a bit like playing detective, as you’re scanning for those subtle clues that tell you if this person is a potential match or just a red flag on two legs. And while we’re all looking for those green flags, they can often get lost in the mix. So, let’s break it all down. First, here are ten red flags to keep your eyes peeled for before you even meet.
1. Avoiding Video Calls At All Costs
If five minutes on FaceTime feels like pulling teeth, it might not be just camera shyness. Avoiding casual face-to-face interaction can hint at more than insecurity. And let’s be honest, if they’re not willing to show up for a screen-to-screen chat now, imagine the effort you'll get later.
2. Never Answering A Straight Question
Ask a direct question, and you get a joke or a half-thought-out comment that goes nowhere. Try bringing up serious topics like their relationship goals, and suddenly they’re a magician pulling off a masterclass in deflection.
3. Profile Feels Too Good To Be Real
When every photo looks too perfect, it suggests a well-curated image. Add to that a bio filled with generic phrases, and it starts to feel copied. The absence of any traceable social presence further distances them from credibility.
4. Talking About Their Ex Way Too Much
Conversations that spiral into stories about heartbreak or crazy situations reveal someone still fixated on what went wrong instead of exploring what could go right. Remember, clinging to bitterness or using another person for venting doesn’t lay the foundation for something genuine.
5. Can’t Seem To Lock Down A Plan
Suggesting plans leads to vague replies, without dates, times, or any real follow-through. Excitement might pour out over text, but actual commitment never makes it past casual talk. Someone truly interested won’t keep dodging the calendar.
6. Hiding Behind Jokes When Things Get Real
Instead of opening up, they steer things back to banter, keeping everything breezy and safe. Over time, it becomes clear that emotional honesty never enters the room. Behind the laughs, emotional unavailability quietly takes root, masked by cleverly timed one-liners.
7. Switching Communication Styles Out Of Nowhere
It starts out sweet, with affectionate messages that seem too good to be true. Then suddenly, everything shifts. And that is when you find yourself analyzing every word, trying to decode mixed signals that never lead anywhere solid.
8. Expecting Instant Replies, No Exceptions
At first, their eagerness might feel flattering—until every unread message turns into a ticking clock. A few minutes of quiet triggers follow-ups, and any delay gets treated like a personal slight. Over time, constantly managing someone’s emotional reactions to simple response times creates pressure.
9. Pushing For Private Meetups Right Away
Before you've even clinked coffee cups in public, they’re already nudging for a one-on-one hangout at their place. While the invite may be wrapped in charm, it sidesteps your safety. On top of that, they have the guts to call it trust.
10. Ignoring Boundaries Or Consent
Remarks about pushing past your comfort zone or teasing you into “changing your mind” signal more than poor taste—they reveal a lack of respect. Instead of owning up to inappropriate comments, such people laugh them off like you're being too sensitive.
Now, let’s consider ten green flags that might slip right past you.
1. Wanting To Meet Somewhere Public First
Suggesting a café or a walk in the park sets the tone before you sit down. It signals maturity, consideration, and zero red flags. Someone who values your comfort without needing a reminder knows the assignment.
2. Noticing Specific Details About You
It starts with something small—a comment about your bookshelf or a mention of that mountain photo buried in your feed. But that small moment? It reveals a lot. People like this tend to listen well and show up with care instead of ego.
3. Respecting Your Time Without Guilt-Tripping You
Respect shows up early in how someone handles your time. A person who doesn’t flinch at delayed replies or try to guilt you into constant chatting understands boundaries. These are the people who don’t need to chase to feel connected.
4. Providing Real Info About Their Life
Everyone wants to know a good detail before diving in, and someone who volunteers real pieces of their life makes that so much easier. Plus, such openness lowers the pressure and creates space for you to respond at your own pace.
5. Remembering What You Said Days Ago
It’s easy to compliment someone in the moment. However, holding onto something they said two days ago is different. It clearly suggests that the person who recalls details and brings them up naturally doesn’t just see a chat thread—they see you.
6. Using Language That Feels Safe And Inclusive
When their words feel warm, respectful, and inclusive, it’s like a soft landing in a world that’s often full of sharp edges. They steer clear of put-downs. Hence, comfort, it turns out, begins with how someone speaks to—and about—the world.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
7. Suggesting Fun Ideas Based On Shared Interests
Shared interests are brought to life through thoughtful suggestions. Planning the first meetup becomes a fun team project, not a one-sided pitch. Moreover, choosing something enjoyable for both sides hints at an eagerness to experience something together.
8. Keeping A Check On Your Comfort Level
Respect for boundaries becomes evident through simple, thoughtful actions, like asking whether certain topics feel okay to discuss. Even space is left for disagreement or silence. This level of consideration is embedded in early exchanges.
9. Asking You Questions That Actually Matter
Questions about values reveal far more than favorite vacation spots ever could. That kind of curiosity shifts the focus toward your “why,” making each answer feel personal. With that foundation, each exchange starts building toward something richer.
Eduardo Simões Neto Junior on Pexels
10. Communicating Steadily Without Overdoing It
A balanced pace keeps things feeling mutual. It displays steady effort that proves more lasting than short-lived intensity. Predictability, in this context, signals sincerity, and that quiet reliability becomes surprisingly attractive.
