First Impressions Matter More Than You Think
If you've spent any time on dating apps, you know how easily things can turn from promising to sour depending on the first line you send or receive. You might think a good profile is all you need to get matches and conversations going, but the opener does a lot more work than you might think; message just a single, boring "Hey," and you could be unmatched by the next morning. So, how do you craft that perfect first line? Here are 10 bad ones that will only disappoint, and 10 better ones to send.
1. “Hey”
This is the most common opener for a reason, but as we've said, it's not really that effective (yes, even if you pair it with an emoji). It puts the entire burden of the conversation on the other person, which rarely creates any momentum.
2. “What’s Up?”
Sure, this sounds casual and friendly, but is that really what you want to go for? Most people answer with some version of “not much,” and then the exchange stalls almost immediately. An opener should give the other person something interesting to respond to, not just, "Nothing, you?"
3. “You’re Hot”
A compliment can work, but the person you're texting probably has had dozens of other people telling them that they're "hot." If you want to stand out from the pack, don't just focus on appearance, and don't make the compliment generic, either. Even if the person appreciates being called "hot," it doesn't give them much reason to continue the conversation.
4. “How Are You?”
This sounds a little more mature than "What's up," but it's still too generic to stand out in a crowded inbox. Most people aren't going to answer it with much depth when they don't know you yet. Instead of opening a real conversation, it often feels like boring small talk you have with the cashier during checkout.
5. “Why Are You Still Single?”
Oh, boy. Don't send this one unless you want to get unmatched at lightning speed. Sure, some people mean this as a compliment disguised as flirty banter, but since tone doesn't translate well over text, the other person is just going to think you're being invasive. Rather than feeling playful, it can make the other person feel like they're being put on the spot.
6. “I Don’t Usually Message First, But…”
Ladies, if you're sending this opener, just know that sometimes flattery lands you nowhere. Unless you're following it up with something charming and funny that shows you've read their profile, you might want to avoid sounding too arrogant, as if you're doing the other person a favor by starting the conversation.
7. “Convince Me You’re Interesting”
If this is your attempt at humor, you might want to take some classes. As we've mentioned, sarcasm doesn't hit well over text, so if you're saying this as a joke, the other person might not read it that way. Do them a favor and convince them why you're interesting.
8. “I Bet You Get This All the Time, But…”
"I bet you get this all the time, but... you're hot." That person is going to unmatch you faster than you can blink. If you know your message is going to sound like the five other messages that person is getting, it's better to say something more personal instead of copying everyone else. You don't want your opener to be a dime a dozen.
9. “You Look Fun”
You might say this to sound friendly and positive, but it's so vague that it barely says anything at all. What exactly made them seem fun: their travel photos, their bio, their taste in music? Without any detail, the compliment feels boring, and the other person probably won't be impressed.
Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash
10. “So… Why Should I Pick You?”
Ha, ha. Is this a job interview? Again, as witty as you might think this sounds, tone doesn't always translate well over text, and the person you've matched with might not have the same sense of humor as you. That means, instead of sounding playful, you might give off the wrong energy, and that can quickly make people turn away.
Now that you know what not to write for your opening line, let's jump into better ones to send: the ones that might actually lead to a date.
1. Mention Something Specific from Their Profile
Referring to something they put on their profile is one of the easiest ways to stand out; it shows that you didn't just glance at their photos and send the same line you've sent five other people. Whether it's a book, a travel photo, or a specific line in their bio, crafting a more personal message makes your message feel tailored and intentional.
2. Ask a Question with a Clear Answer
A strong opener gives the other person an easy way in. Instead of asking something generic and forgettable, ask a question that invites a real response, like what city they'd move to tomorrow if they had the freedom, or which meal they'd eat on repeat for a month without getting tired of. Questions that encourage thoughtful responses are always better than simple ones, and you'll get to see how their mind works, too.
3. Build on Their Stated Interests
If they mention hiking, cooking, horror movies, or a certain music genre or band, use that information to start something more engaging. You could ask what trail they always recommend, what dish they make best, or what movie actually frightened the socks off of them. If you share a common interest, that's even better.
Sébastien Goldberg on Unsplash
4. Use a Light, Observant Comment
Sometimes a great opener isn't the wittiest thing you can come up with at the moment; even a short comment that notices something amusing or distinctive in their profile can be enough to start things off well. Plus, it feels more natural because it resembles how people actually begin conversations when they're paying attention.
5. Offer a Thought Before Asking a Question
One of the best ways to avoid sounding interview-like is to give a little something first. If they mention loving weekend trips, you could say you respect anyone who can plan a spontaneous getaway and then ask what their best last-minute trip was. That small bit of perspective makes the opener feel more like a conversation than an interrogation.
6. Keep the Tone Warm Instead of Overly Clever
A lot of people try too hard to sound witty or stand out, and that effort can make an opener feel forced. Messages tend to work better when they're easy, friendly, and confident without being too much. Remember: you don't need to be the funniest person in the app, just someone who seems pleasant to talk to.
7. Make It Easy to Reply in More Than One Way
The strongest openers leave room for personality. A message that allows the other person to answer seriously, playfully, or with a follow-up question creates more flexibility and better rhythm. When your opener gives them options, you're more likely to get a response that actually leads somewhere.
8. Match the Energy of Their Profile
If their profile is witty and playful, a more humorous opener can make sense. If it feels thoughtful and low-key, a calmer and more direct message will usually match better. People tend to respond well when your tone feels compatible with the version of themselves they've chosen to present.
9. Be Flirty (Without Making It Entirely About Looks)
Attraction matters, but a better opener shows interest in the person rather than stopping at appearance. You can be complimentary while still grounding the message in something more individual, like their style, their sense of humor, or the way they wrote their bio, which actually feels more flattering because it suggests you noticed more than the obvious.
10. Sound Like Someone They’d Want to Meet
The best opener isn't just about getting a reply. Instead, you want to give them a small preview of what it might feel like to talk to you in real life, so just be yourself. When your message sounds relaxed and easy to engage with, you'll make it much easier for the other person to continue the conversation.
