Parenting doesn't end when your kids graduate from college; it simply evolves and can even become more complicated. Parents must navigate a new dynamic that makes supporting and helping their kids more challenging. The greatest challenge comes when you know your adult kid is struggling, but refuses to ask for help.
Whether it's financial issues, emotional stress, or dealing with their careers, adult children aren't always willing to run to their parents for help. Many keep their feelings secret not to worry their parents or feel like a burden.
Luckily, there are some strategies you can take to offer meaningful support without being viewed as overbearing. Let's explore three ways you can take that won't come across as pushy.
Make Space for Open-Ended Communication
One proven and effective way to help your adult child is to create space for open-ended communication. You need to steer clear of lectures and interrogation, and instead, communicate in a way that's open and safe. Don't directly ask them if they are struggling financially when a better option is to use prompts, such as "How have things been lately?" or "What's on your mind?"
This communication style removes pressure, meaning your kids might not be worried about disappointing you or appearing immature or incapable. Open-ended questions are judgment-free and can start honest conversations, which can open a door for you to offer help.
Also, keep the communication ongoing and consistent. You don't want to just swoop in when you sense that something is wrong.
Use Action, Not Instruction
Some adults may avoid asking their parents for help because they fear it will come with an avalanche of advice. Remember, they've spent years trying to convince you that they are fine on their own, and unprompted advice can make them feel like a child again.
Instead of supplying instruction, try to use small and practical actions to convey your care and concern without making your kids feel like they are lacking. For example, you can drop off a meal citing that you made too much, or offer to help with a chore, or share an article that you think might be helpful.
Practical gestures can be very meaningful to your adult children and won't make them feel like you are trying to control their lives because you think they can't manage on their own.
Strengthen the Relationship
One effective way to help is to put the problem aside and focus on your relationship. This can create a stronger connection that will help your kids feel comfortable coming to you with any problem they're experiencing. When the relationship feels mutual, warm, and consistent, adult children can feel less vulnerable.
Invest in the relationship by spending more quality time together, celebrating the small wins in their life, showing them how much you appreciate them, and don't be shy about sharing your own struggles. These can all be very helpful to them and pay off in great ways.
Helping your adult children who don't want to ask for help requires strategy, subtlety, patience, and a new mindset that puts the relationship ahead of problem-solving. By creating open avenues of communication, offering practical gestures without overstepping, and offering emotional safety, you can get the results you want and be able to offer your adult children a helping hand.
