A treat here and a treat there seems harmless enough. After all, what could go wrong with a little positive reinforcement for good behavior? As it turns out, quite a bit. The research on reward systems reveals some uncomfortable truths about how they can backfire, sometimes in ways that take years to manifest. We start out with the best intentions, wanting to motivate our kids to clean their rooms, finish homework, or be kind to their siblings, but we're often inadvertently creating problems we'll have to deal with down the line.
Rewarding Things They Already Enjoy
When kids expect rewards for activities they already find interesting, they perform more poorly and lose intrinsic interest in those activities. This is called the overjustification effect, and it's been demonstrated repeatedly since the 1970s.
In one famous study, preschoolers who already loved drawing were divided into groups. Some were promised rewards for drawing, others not. The kids who expected rewards ended up drawing less afterward. Their brains essentially decided, "If I need a reward to do this, it must not be fun on its own." Over time, children develop the generalization that when people give them rewards to do a task, the task is probably boring.
Making Rewards Too Big or Too Far Away
We've all seen those elaborate behavior charts with fifty boxes to fill before earning a trip to the toy store. Kids, especially young ones, can't hold that kind of delayed gratification in their minds and the reward may as well not exist at all.
Research shows that for incentives to work, they need to be fresh in a child's mind when they're being asked to adjust their behavior. A sticker chart that takes three weeks to complete is essentially meaningless to a five-year-old whose sense of time is still developing.
And then there's the issue of scale. Promising huge rewards like a new bicycle is a set-up for failure, and setting criteria kids can't meet is demoralizing. We've all seen those charts covered in sad faces or crossed-out days. They stop being motivators and start being daily reminders of inadequacy.
Creating Little Negotiators
Once kids get used to the reward game, they start playing it strategically. "What do I get if I do that?" becomes their default response to any request. When children are used to receiving concrete rewards for doing the right thing, they may start to demand rewards.
This is maybe the most annoying consequence of reward systems, and it creeps up slowly. At first, the chart works, then suddenly you're negotiating the terms of brushing teeth. The relationship shifts from parent-child to contractor-client, with everything becoming transactional.
What's worse is that this bargaining mentality extends beyond the home. Teachers report kids asking what they'll get for completing assignments, and even coaches are finding that players won't practice without incentives. We're accidentally teaching kids that cooperation and effort only matter when there's something in it for them.
Ignoring What Actually Motivates Each Kid
Not all rewards are created equal, and not all kids respond to the same incentives. What lights up one child might mean nothing to another. Offering screen time to a kid who'd rather play outside is pointless. Promising a toy to a kid who values quality time with you misses the mark entirely.
Young kids care more about connection and praise than stuff. But we often default to tangible rewards—toys, treats, money—because they're easier to implement and feel more official. Using material rewards teaches children to value possessions over connection, and we miss opportunities to reinforce what really drives their behavior.
Not Knowing When to Skip Rewards Entirely
Children are more likely to hide their mistakes and avoid challenges when rewards are utilized. When everything's tied to earning points or stickers, kids start playing it safe. They avoid difficult tasks where they might fail because failure means losing rewards. Risk-taking gets suppressed.
A meta-analysis of 128 studies found that tangible rewards significantly undermined intrinsic motivation, and these rewards tended to be more detrimental for children than college students. The younger the child, the more damage external rewards can do to their natural drive.
That’s not to say that rewards lack value. Research shows incentives reliably boost the amount of time people spend on unappealing tasks, so they have their place. The dishes need doing regardless of whether anyone finds them fulfilling. Homework has to get finished.
For things kids might naturally enjoy or for behaviors we want to become intrinsic—kindness, curiosity, effort—rewards can get in the way.
