The Silent Wounds That Shape Us
The effects of growing up without a father or mother can significantly change the way children mature and experience life. This "father wound" and "mother wound," as they're aptly named, may lead to anger issues, substance abuse, and difficulties in forming relationships or deep connections—and there's plenty of research to back this up. After all, children rely on their parents to keep them safe, and the absence of either one can leave permanent scars.
1. More Prone to Aggression
Studies have shown that children who grow up without a father are more likely to be aggressive. They may act violently or bottle up their rage, leading to anger management issues or other behavioral problems. Research also suggests that those with a father wound are more likely to be incarcerated.
2. Do Poorly Academically
The absence of a father can also affect children academically. Studies show that those with a father wound are nine times more likely to drop out; in fact, research shows that children growing up without a father in the household account for approximately 71% of all high school dropouts.
3. Have Low Self-Esteem
Children raised in fatherless homes may also have lower self-esteem. This may stem from feelings of unworthiness or rejection, especially if the father left or abandoned the family young. Without a father's love and praise, it may take a toll on those who can't find it anywhere else.
4. Difficulty Trusting Other Men
Those with a father wound may also have difficulty trusting other men. Women, in particular, may doubt the intentions and actions of male figures, which may cause rifts in romantic relationships or general discomfort around men.
5. Search for Father Figures Elsewhere
Growing up without a father may lead to children searching for father figures and other male role models elsewhere. They may blindly trust these influences as well, and without anyone to compare them to, they might mimic their actions and behavior, good or bad.
6. Struggle with Addiction & Substance Abuse
Children without a father figure are also much more likely to struggle with addiction and substance abuse. They may start young with smoking and drinking, following the wrong crowd, and these habits can in turn carry into adulthood.
7. Fear of Abandonment
The scar of being abandoned by a parent young can run deep and have a lasting, permanent effect. That's, after all, why the name "father wound" is so fitting. Because fatherless children are scared to be left behind, they might struggle with forming deep friendships or relationships, and may avoid sharing their vulnerabilities.
8. Difficulties in Romantic Relationships
The effect of growing up without a father can affect dating and romantic relationships as well, depending on the attachment style they end up identifying with. Trust issues, fear of abandonment, and low self-esteem all contribute to this.
9. Face Financial Issues
Being raised by a single parent may lead to financial issues, especially in larger families. Not having enough money can close off opportunities, such as post-secondary education, and significantly affect other areas of livelihood, like getting enough food on the table.
10. Lingering Anger, Resentment, or Sadness
Growing up without a father may also cause lingering feelings of anger, resentment, or sadness. Children may internalize these emotions, leading to aggressive behavioral issues, or allow their upbringing to define their worth and who they are.
The effects of growing up without a father can differ from those of being raised without a mother. Here are some ways the latter can affect children differently:
1. Pressure to Take on Caretaking Roles
Children who grow up without a mom may feel pressured to take on caretaking roles, simply because they believe they need to fill the absence of one in the household. This pressure leads to them having to mature quickly, leaving no room to experience typical childhood experiences.
2. Body Image Issues
Those with a mother wound, especially girls, may also have body image issues or low self-esteem. Without a mother figure to teach them how to love themselves for who they are, they're more likely to struggle with various insecurities.
3. Struggle with Social Anxiety
Without a mother in the household you can bond with and connect deeper with on an emotional level, children may grow up more quiet and sheltered. They might find it awkward to make friends or have trouble holding conversations with others.
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4. More Compliant
Motherless children may also lack confidence, and thus are more compliant and willing to let others mold them into what they think they should be. On the other hand, children who feel the need to be their own female role model may be stronger and less likely to bend to others' will.
5. Heightened Stress Levels
Mothers provide emotional support, and growing up without one can heighten stress levels. This is because mothers are more likely to help buffer those feelings and shield children away from hurt, so their absence may leave a gaping void.
6. Difficulty Understanding Femininity & Womanhood
Girls growing up without a mother in the household may also find it challenging to be in tune with their femininity or understand the complexities of womanhood. Without a female role model to guide them through puberty and adolescence, they might feel overwhelmed and lost.
7. Struggle with Romantic Relationships
Boys raised without a mother might not understand how to treat women, which can lead to dating struggles and fraught romantic relationships. Girls, on the other hand, may not understand what constitutes a healthy relationship, what value to look for, and how they should be respected.
8. Crave Love & Nurture
Motherless children also crave one thing: love. This isn't to say that they can't get this from their fathers, but oftentimes, parents show their love differently. Mothers also tend to be more nurturing, and growing up without this can severely affect childhood and adulthood.
9. Feel Empty & Lonely
Grief and loss can change a person, and children who have lost their mothers young will know exactly how this feels. They may grow up with a hole in their chest that nothing can fill, and often struggle with feelings of loneliness.
10. Struggle with Parenting
The effects of a mother's wound may also affect parenting. Children who grow up without mothers may find it difficult to nurture and care for their own. Conversely, they may feel the need to shower them with extra love to make up for the lack of it in their childhood.
