You’re Not In Love, You’re In Lust & Here’s How To Tell The Difference

You’re Not In Love, You’re In Lust & Here’s How To Tell The Difference

Love and lust often look like two sides of the same coin. You feel the same way—or think you do—regardless of your situation, and it seems like you’re on top of the world whenever that special person calls. But there are some classic signs to tell the difference between a relationship and a situationship. Here are 10 signs it’s only lust and 10 signs it’s real love.

1. You Don’t Know Them

If the consensual, mutual understanding is that you only see each other to hook up, that’s one thing. But don’t confuse an intense attraction for love. If you haven’t taken the time to get to know each other then it might be the connection you think it is.

Jorge-Gardner-Q4Pjmyqtxze-UnsplashPhoto by Jorge Gardner on Unsplash

2. They Seem Perfect

Wait a second! Isn’t the person we’re in love with supposed to seem perfect? The thing is that those in love see their partner’s flaws and love them anyway; lust only focuses on the good because you haven’t taken the time to get to know them. So, of course, they seem perfect.

Hendo-Wang-V I6Af R0R0-UnsplashPhoto by Hendo Wang on Unsplash

3. Unhealthy Needs Come First

When you’re in lust with someone, there isn’t an equal give and take. Either yours or their needs come first and there’s no compromise. That’s not a good sign when you want the relationship to last.

Alan-Quirvan-Jsxbuz0Sgj0-UnsplashPhoto by Alan Quirvan on Unsplash

4. You’re Obsessive

Should your situationship overthrow your thoughts, you’re likely looking at lust. It’s natural to think about your crush sometimes, but they shouldn’t be an all-consuming presence in your day.  

John-Schnobrich-Rzospqwes1O-UnsplashPhoto by John Schnobrich on Unsplash


5. You’re Not Yourself

Take a quick step back and reflect on your behavior around this new person. Do you speak or act differently? Do you feel like you can’t confess deeper emotions to them? Putting on a persona to impress someone is a classic sign that you’re not in it for the long haul.

Sangria-Senorial-Hnwvjydzsf8-UnsplashPhoto by Sangria Señorial on Unsplash

6. You Act Like Bunnies

The thrill of heading to the bedroom is enough to get anyone’s blood pumping. But if that’s the only thing you two do, it soon becomes clear that this is your relationship's foundation—which is totally fine if both parties are on board!

Womanizer-Toys-1E3-Lykjsfs-UnsplashPhoto by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash

7. No Plans

Plans don’t necessarily constitute marriage or children, they can also mean a simple weekend hangout. If you two are only available for a quick romp, you’re not giving the relationship a chance to blossom into something else.

Kevin-Laminto-Kt9Pixfi738-UnsplashPhoto by kevin laminto on Unsplash

8. You’re Incompatible

Meeting someone you have an intense physical attraction to is great, but long-lasting relationships are built on so much more. Do you have anything in common with this person outside of the bedroom? If not, don’t throw the L-word around.

Toa-Heftiba-Okbqxvusp8M-UnsplashPhoto by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

9. No Introductions

If they’re the real deal, you’ll introduce them to your family and friends. No integration in your everyday life indicates that this person won’t stick around long.

Niki-Sanders-Tdms5Laf5S0-UnsplashPhoto by Niki Sanders on Unsplash

10. No Time Together

We’re not just talking about the occasional date or meetup, we mean the real hangouts. The one where you lose track of time after seven hours of just talking. If those dates haven’t happened, then this might be more lust.

Miquel-Parera-Arnmodj4Hqq-UnsplashPhoto by Miquel Parera on Unsplash

That said, let’s take a look at which telltale signs let you know you’re in it for the long haul. 


1. You Can Talk to Them

Good conversation is a must for any relationship, but even more so with a romantic partner. The reason why is that they’ll be in your life for a long time, so it’s best to have someone you never tire of speaking with.

Chermiti-Mohamed-Tjnegsvsjww-UnsplashPhoto by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash

2. You Accept Them

As we mentioned before, it’s important to see a person for all they are—that includes flaws and little idiosyncrasies. If you see them add milk before the cereal and still love them, you’re on the right track.

Priscilla-Du-Preez- 4Nz8Rtoxo8-UnsplashPhoto by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

3. It Goes Beyond the Physical

Physical connection is vital in a relationship, but true romance goes beyond that. If you enjoy their company outside of the bedroom, that’s a good sign that you want them around all the time, not just certain activities. 

Priscilla-Du-Preez-Vuxs3Rvu7Dw-UnsplashPhoto by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

4. You’re Invested

Do you want them to succeed? Know all about their day, even down to the little details? The more invested you are in someone, the stronger your relationship becomes, and situationships don’t pay this kind of attention.

Chermiti-Mohamed-Jcxu0Qdpouc-UnsplashPhoto by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash

5. Strong Relationship

Strong relationships are built off of mutual trust and respect, but they also withstand the messier times. You should be able to speak honestly with them or even argue without puncturing a huge hole in your foundation.

Amber-Kipp-Xkfx-Vehhru-UnsplashPhoto by Amber Kipp on Unsplash

6. They’re a Priority

You don’t put them off or delay plans. The person you’re in love with is a priority in your life and you want them around.

Karsten-Winegeart-Isv Wfoxbky-UnsplashPhoto by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash


7. You Feel Different

Love goes beyond the butterflies and giddy smiles. Falling in love might feel different for everyone, but there’s a universal understanding that our world has shifted in the best way.

Frank-Mckenna-A9Kygejkmze-UnsplashPhoto by frank mckenna on Unsplash

8. Always Thinking of Them

Now, there is a difference between thinking of them often and obsessing over them. Being excited to talk to them isn’t the same as liking all their Instagram posts at 3:00 a.m.

Alan-Quirvan-Xhcb0Snt9Dc-UnsplashPhoto by Alan Quirvan on Unsplash

9. People Notice

Those closest to you can tell when you’re in love. If your friends or family have taken notice of how different you are (for the better!) then chances are you’ve stumbled into something real.

Justin-Follis-A7Um4Oi-Uyu-UnsplashPhoto by Justin Follis on Unsplash

10. You Want to Confess

The classic way to know if you’re in love? You want to confess it to them! If you’ve given it proper thought and want to confess how you feel, that’s a pretty big sign you’re with your forever person.

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