Not Everyone Gets Along
Dating a new person is already scary enough on its own, but bringing them home to your family? Now that's a different monster to tackle. Getting your parents' acceptance isn't always the easiest, but we always hope for the best. But if you're feeling unsure about how things are going between your new partner and your parents, here are 20 signs to look for that might demonstrate it's not going so well.
1. They Call Them by the Wrong Name...Repeatedly
Once is a mistake, twice might just be poor memory, but if it continues a third time and more, it's on purpose. If your mom or dad keeps calling your new partner "Alex" when their name is "Alec," it's simply passive disapproval in disguise. It's even worse if the names aren't even close.
2. They Never Ask About Them When You're Apart
If you head home alone for the weekend and your parents don't ask a single question about your new partner, that should raise some alarms. Parents are typically always interested in who you're with, so if they have zero curiosity, it simply translates to "we're not investing in them."
3. They Skip the Usual Invitations
Noticing a trend where your partner's name gets left off the invite list? Chances are it's not an accident if it happens for every family dinner, game night, or weekend trip. If it's unusual for your parents to act so distant, it's likely a sign they're not a fan.
4. The Compliments Feel Strained
It's not hard to give compliments, meaning it's easy to identify when they're awkward or strained. When your parents say things like, "That's an interesting jacket" or "They seem...nice," it's a clear sign they're struggling to find something nice to say.
5. They Overcompensate with Politeness
We all have a "customer service mode" that turns on when dealing with strangers, but if you find your usually casual and friendly parents talking like they have a script, something's wrong. Being overly polite can also be a telling sign that they're uncomfortable. It's as if they're falling back on what's socially correct to hide their true feelings.
6. They Compare Them To Others
Some parents don't care about subtlety. If your mom starts wistfully bringing up how handsome your sister's boyfriend is or how considerate your ex was, it's passive-aggressive evaluation that tells a whole story. Your mom is telling you she thinks you're better off with someone else.
7. They Avoid One-on-One Time
Many parents look forward to bonding with their children's significant others, whether it be a solo coffee run, errands, or even a walk. But if you notice they start displaying opposite behavior like avoiding interactions, it just means they don't want to engage more than necessary.
8. They Question Everything Your Partner Says
Parents who don't like their child's partner will display extreme doubt and trust in anything they say. They'll likely question their comments, throwing multiple "are you sure?" and "when did you hear that?" replies their way. It can feel very dismissive and disrespectful being on the receiving end.
9. They Remember Everything They Dislike
Instead of focusing on what they love about your new significant other, they're entirely caught up in everything they dislike. That time they spilled some wine? Or the time they dropped a plate? Those "offenses" are permanently etched in your parent's minds.
10. They Never Use the Word 'Relationship'
Essentially being in denial, if your parents refuse to use the word "relationship," it means they're seeing it as anything but. It's especially clear when they keep calling your partner "your friend" even though you've clearly stated otherwise. In their minds, it can't be true if they don't believe it, right?
11. They Only Talk to You During Visits
Even though you brought your partner along, does it feel like all the conversations with your parents are about you? If it feels like they're actively excluding your partner from discussions, you're not imagining things. It's a purposeful action that shows their dislike.
12. They Make Plans Assuming Your Partner Won’t Come
Let's take excluding to another level. Suggesting that events are for "family" only is your parent's attempt to "politely" remove them from attending. It's not just keeping them off a guest list, it's a sign that they're not included in the family and aren't seen as such.
13. They Seem Exhausted After Seeing Them
Most people tend to feel drained after having interactions they're uncomfortable with or don't want. So if you notice your mom and dad looking extra tired after talking to your partner, don't ignore it. It could be a sign that they're trying extremely hard just to get along with them.
14. They Use the Phrase “You Could Do Better”
Sometimes this is done in a subtle manner where your parents suggest they always saw you with someone "more ____," but that's not always the case. If they've held it in for too long, it might come out harshly as "you can do better." Whether they do it obviously or not, choice of words means everything.
15. They Criticize Their Manners
Things that never bothered your parents before are suddenly brought up every time. Whether they're upset about how your partner greets them, how they eat, or the gifts they give, every little action gets nitpicked. They're simply trying to turn everything into a fault.
16. They Suddenly Become Overly Protective
Your parents have always supported your independence and freedom but suddenly they're worrying about you daily? From being anxious about your couples trip to being concerned you're not being taken care of, it may seem like love but really, it's a back-handed attack against your partner. They don't trust them.
17. They Bring Up Your Past Hopes
Using nostalgia against you? Now that's a deep hit that isn't always easy to identify. Sometimes parents will start bringing up your childhood more frequently, in the hopes that the "boy you used to like" or your dream of "marrying someone who loved books" will give you the wake up call they think you need.
18. They Gossip To Other Family Members
If you're starting to hear about unkind rumors or opinions about your partner from other relatives, it's time to find the source. It's likely hard for parents to keep their thoughts to themselves, so if you're hearing from your aunt or uncle about your "bad partner," it may just come from those closest to you.
19. They Avoid Future Talk When Your Partner Is Around
Haven't heard the words "wedding," "marriage," or "kids," come from your parents yet? Chances are they're holding back out of fear. Not wanting to bring up future plans that mean long-term commitment, your parents might just be hoping you've forgotten about these things too.
Jeremy Wong Weddings on Unsplash
20. They Straight-Up Tell You
Less of a sign and more of an obvious answer, some parents will stop beating around the bush to give it to you straight. Being honest might just be the best way though, allowing for both sides to openly talk and share perspectives. It's certainly easier than trying to read all these other signs on this list!
