Making friends as an adult is strangely difficult. When we were young, all we needed was to be herded into the same classroom, put into table groups, and voilà—we ended up with at least three new friends by the time the bell rang. Now that we've aged, that whole process doesn't sound as easy, and it definitely doesn't come as naturally, either. From being in different stages in life to busy schedules, everything seems to be holding us back to an awkward point, which can feel both lonely and unsettling.
Different Social Settings
Probably the number one thing that makes it harder to make friends as an adult is the different social settings—or lack thereof—that we sometimes find ourselves in. No longer are we in high school or college, where we're grouped together with people who are around the same age as us, with the same interests and goals in mind. No longer do these settings come to us easily, without us needing to force something to happen.
Sure, we don't just need to rely on school settings—the people we meet at work could also end up becoming some of our closest friends in adulthood, especially if we stay in the same company for a while. But when the pandemic hit in 2020 and working from home became the norm for many, this, too, has made making friends a little bit harder. Even if we're hopping on calls with our colleagues every day or meeting up at annual work events, it's... different. For one, it certainly doesn't feel as effortless.
Even meeting new people at clubs, local events, or extracurriculars can feel strange. It's one thing for opportunities to come naturally, but it's another thing to feel as if we need to build them from scratch. It doesn't help that most people would rather keep quiet and not try, than put themselves in potentially uncomfortable situations.
Different Stages of Life
There's another reason why making friends when we're younger felt a lot easier: we were all in the same stage in life. We're all just trying to make our way through school, graduate, and get started in our careers of choice. It's often easier to make new friends when we can relate to one another, and in adulthood, that's a luxury we don't always have. Instead, all of us are everywhere at once.
Some of us could be going back to school. Some of us could be married and starting a family. Some of us could be divorced. Some of us could be changing career paths. Because it's harder to understand each other's situations when we're not living in the same timelines and stages, it's difficult to form deeper connections beyond acquaintances. So, we don't.
Busy Schedules
No matter what it is that we're currently consumed with, whether it's school, work, or family, our busy schedules mean there's even less time to keep in touch with the new friends we do make. Even if we want to build stronger relationships, how can we when we barely have enough time in the day to get everything else done?
This lack of time can also make us feel like we have no choice but to stay in our own shells. Sometimes, the last thing we want to do after a long day of work is to head out and force ourselves into social settings; we'd much rather stay at home and call it a night. And if that part of us wins every time, how can we ever hope to change?
Being Pickier About Who We Spend Time With
As we get older, we also get pickier about the people we choose to spend time with. We might not have known how to make boundaries when we were kids, but now that we're wiser and more mature, we know better about who we choose to befriend and who we want to be around. That, too, can restrict our social circles and limit opportunities.
But being picky in this way isn't a bad thing at all; having compatibility should matter, especially when looking for friendships that will last. It just means that we'll need to look deeper and more carefully, which will require more patience.
If there's one thing we can take comfort in, it's that we're not alone in feeling all of this. Making friends as an adult will always be harder and take more effort than it did when we were kids, and that's just how it is. What matters, though, is that we continue to stay open to connection and remember that it's never too late to find the people we're looking for.
