Bring Them Closer, Don't Scare Them Off
It’s not exactly easy to flirt with someone. Knowing what to say or how to convey confidence without coming across as creepy is a skill many have yet to master. Luckily, there are some tips out there for successful flirting techniques you can try next time you make eyes at someone. Here are 10 flirting myths to stay away from, and 10 methods that actually work.
1. Derogatory Comments
A pickup line is one thing—in the right circumstances, a cheesy one might even get you a laugh or two. But derogatory comments about someone’s appearance only earn a drink in the face. Even if you think they're funny, you don’t want to risk offending someone right out of the gate.
2. Being Overly Aggressive
Aggression takes many forms, and a classic one is not taking no for an answer. If someone politely tells you they’re not interested or actively tries to ignore you, it’s not a cue to try harder. Accept the loss and move on; persistence only makes it worse.
3. No Communication
You need to take an active interest in the other person, so don’t ask about their lives or hobbies if you don’t really care. You're not only wasting their time, but it’s obvious when you aren’t fully engaged.
4. Hoping They’ll Notice You
Flirting is more than a little intimidating, but you won’t get far by just hoping someone will notice you. Bars and nightclubs are often packed with people, so it’s rare a stranger will pick up on subtle hints.
5. Bragging
Do yourself a favor: don’t boast. Contrary to popular belief, it’s a turn-off to try and one-up someone or brag about all your options. In the moment, it might seem like you’re making yourself good, but it comes off as overcompensation.
6. Making Them Chase
Old flirting methods are a thing of the past, and that includes playing hard to get. If you always renege on hangouts or cancel at the last minute, are you interested in that person or the attention they give? Don’t string people along.
7. Lying About Yourself
Say you strike up a conversation with someone and soon learn you have nothing in common. Don’t pretend otherwise! It’s okay if you aren’t a match, and lying about your interests or your lifestyle sets you up for failure.
8. Negging
Backhanded compliments are always a terrible idea. Not only are they manipulative and disrespectful, but all you’re doing is belittling someone. It’s not exactly the ideal way to show your interest.
9. Inappropriate Touching
A playful touch on the arm is one thing, but excessive touching is downright invasive. You’re never going to get anywhere if you drape yourselves over a person you just met. Read the room and don’t make them uncomfortable.
10. Waiting to Respond
Say goodbye to another archaic technique we’re glad left the scene. If you’re interested in someone, tell them! Don’t wait to text back just so you can avoid looking “desperate.” Don’t send short texts that stunt the conversation either. Show your interest and get that relationship started.
With some of the worst strategies out of the way, it's time we dove into the best methods!
1. Genuine Compliments
Sincere compliments about a person’s appearance or qualities show legitimate interest. Just remember that authenticity is key; it’s obvious when you mean a compliment and when you say something to earn brownie points.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
2. Active Listening
You’ll get farther with someone if you take an actual interest in what they’re saying. Build a connection by asking follow-up questions and try to avoid interrupting them. Getting off on the right foot only establishes a stronger relationship down the road!
3. Maintain Eye Contact
Keep your eyes on the one you’re flirting with; don’t comb the room for someone else or play on your phone. Maintaining eye contact shows somebody that you only have eyes for them, and it just another way to show your legitimate interest.
4. Playful Banter
You don’t want to take teasing too far, but playful banter is a tried and true flirting technique. Good chemistry can encourage a fun back-and-forth, so don't shy away from joking with a potential partner. Just make sure you read the room first!
5. Focus on Body Language
Mirroring a person’s gestures helps you match their energy, and matched energy keeps the flame going. If they make a playful touch or lean in closer, it’s a good opportunity to mirror them and show your shared interest.
6. Build a Real Connection
The better the conversation, the less it feels like flirting and the more it feels like an authentic connection. People notice when you genuinely care about them, so be sure to pay attention, ask follow-up questions, and remember the details.
7. Be Yourself
It may sound like advice from an after-school special, but being yourself has never been more important. With different tips and tricks at just about every turn, don’t fall into the trap of reinventing yourself to impress others. Just be you!
8. Send Thoughtful Texts
Ask your crush how they are or catch up with them after work. If they told you about upcoming events, like a meeting with their boss or lunch with their friends, ask how it went! Thoughtful messages show you care.
Francisco Venâncio on Unsplash
9. Make Them Laugh
Humor is a surefire way to get closer to someone. Playful banter, jokes, or little anecdotes can all help set the tone and establish a connection.
10. Master the Smile
Much like eye contact, smiling as you talk or keeping things lighthearted lets the other person know you’re at ease. Try not to be too stiff in the middle of a conversation. Remember, flirting is supposed to be fun!
