You probably worked very hard and spent years developing a good reputation, but it can take only seconds for you to slowly destroy it without even realizing it. We like to think about avoiding big mistakes like fights or blatant rudeness, but we rarely spend any time thinking about all of the little things that annoy the people around us. Sure, we all think our annoying habits are endearing, but they might actually be subconsciously telling everyone around you that you’re a terrible person who can’t be trusted.
Let’s go over some not-so-obvious things that are slowly ruining your reputation and learn how to correct them so you can ensure that people want to be around you instead of just tolerating you. You don't want to accidentally end any friendships over behaviors you didn't even notice you had. On the bright side, self-reflection is the first step in fixing these little quirks.
The Subtle Art of Distraction
Have you ever been told that you’re distracted when talking to people? It might be time to pay attention. Your “excusable” behavior of checking your phone during a conversation is telling everyone you care about something more than them, even if it’s just checking the time or a notification. Taking your eyes off the person in front of you to look at your phone immediately makes others feel inferior and unimportant.
Constantly interrupting someone to share your similar experience might not technically be “checking your phone,” but it does come across as “one-upping.” You don’t mean any harm by telling someone “the same thing happened to me,” but if you do it every time to take the focus off of them and their story, people will assume you aren’t listening to them at all. Most people will open up to those who give them their undivided attention, and nobody likes a know-it-all.
The Reliability Leak
Showing up late all of the time, aka “fashionably late,” is telling everyone else that their time isn’t as important as yours. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” “I’ll rush and make it right on time.” These are the lies we tell ourselves when we know we should have left earlier, but we’re afraid of being the first ones to arrive. Telling everyone else that their time matters less than yours will make them stop caring when you say you’ll be there on time. Your friends and coworkers will hesitate to include you in plans because they know you’ll let them wait.
“We’ll talk later,” “I’ll text you,” “I’ll give you a call,” are all forms of “ghosting” someone when you know the answer is no. We often don’t respond to invitations that we’re not interested in, but taking multiple days to tell someone that you can’t make their dinner party isn’t very courteous. You don’t need to drop everything you’re doing to respond to someone immediately, but letting them wait too long isn’t considerate either.
Another trust-factor that people often forget about is overcommitting. If you always say yes to helping with projects or events but never show up to help, people will stop trusting your word. It’s better to say “no, thank you,” than to say yes and cause more work for everyone else involved. If you build a reputation for not following through on your promises, people will stop relying on you, even when you know you will show up. Your small promises mean more than you think!
The Negative Echo Chamber
Think about how you would feel if someone only contacted you to vent or brag. Sure, we all like to share the ups and downs of our lives with people, but if you’re constantly the victim in every story or situation you tell people about, they will grow tired of hearing you. We all like to “humble brag” every once in a while, but if that’s the only thing you talk about, people will start questioning your motives. Being negative all of the time can be exhausting for people to be around, and nobody likes a self-proclaimed know-it-all.
If you talk badly about others behind their backs, others will assume you talk about them behind their backs, too. Trust is a huge part of developing a good reputation, and being seen as someone who spreads rumors or hate will leave you on the outside looking in.
You know how people always say “thank you” after you pour them a drink? There are plenty of other opportunities to show your gratitude or appreciation to others that many people often forget. Whether it’s a simple text after a dinner party thanking your friends for having you over or thanking your coworker for their help on a project, everyone enjoys some type of acknowledgement. Your politeness not only shows others that you’re a high-value person, but it also reinforces the fact that others want to be around you.
