Flirting is hard enough for the average person, but when you’re shy or a little awkward, it can be like living life on hard mode. But there are some techniques specifically for shyer folks that can pave the way for better flirting.
1. Use the Apps
Flirting is tough face-to-face, even for the “veterans.” A good way to build rapport with someone is through a dating app. You can make jokes or get to know someone better, all from the comfort of your own space.
2. Lightly Joke
Gentle teasing or lighthearted jokes break the ice and cut through any first-meeting tension. It’s a good way to show off your sense of humor, better gauge theirs, and soften the mood to put you more at ease.
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3. Smile at Them
Never underestimate the power of a good smile. Whether it’s from across the room or throughout your conversation, make sure to smile. It’s a telltale sign that you’re interested in them and you won’t have to do much work.
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4. Make Eye Contact
You don’t want to gawk at them across the bar, but making eyes is a good way to grab someone’s attention, which is often where the follow-up smile comes in! If you’re in a conversation, be sure to make eye contact as well to let them know you’re locked into the discussion.
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5. Active Listen
If you have a hard time knowing what to say, practice active listening instead. Asking follow-up questions or inquiring further into their lives passes the floor to them, giving you a chance to relax a bit while they fill you in.
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6. Lean Into Them
If you’re in a crowded space and things are going well, lean in a little. It’s a subtle move that shows your interest if you find you’re too tongue-tied.
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7. Gentle Touches
You may not be the best at conversation, but gently touching their arm sends flirtatious messages, too. Read the room and respect their body language, but if they seem into you, a light touch can help set the groundwork.
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8. Heartfelt Compliments
Everyone loves a compliment, least of all the person you’re flirting with. Pay them a genuine compliment to get the ball rolling.
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9. Own Your Nerves
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just own who you are. If you’re anxious or nervous, be honest about who you are and maybe even poke fun at it. If you’re confident in your quirks, it can come off as endearing.
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10. Give Your Number
Giving out your number is a classic move, but it’s also especially helpful for shyer people. You can let your personality shine better through text if that’s easier, and it helps calm your nerves for when you meet them again.
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11. Get Out of Your Head
An awkward misstep probably isn’t the dealbreaker you think it is. Chances are people won’t remember or see it as the catastrophe you believe it to be. Only when you dwell on an uncomfortable moment does it become truly awkward.
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12. No Overkill
Whatever techniques you read about or learned from a friend, don’t overdo it. Good conversation flows naturally, even if you are a bit nervous, so there’s no need to go overboard flirting.
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13. Keep it Casual
A good way to get out of your head and flirt with someone naturally is by simply chatting with them. Don’t follow a step-by-step guide in your head; let the conversation flow naturally and speak with them as if they’re already your friend.
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14. Find Common Ground
Finding common ground in hobbies or interests allows you to open up more as well, making the experience less like flirting and more like bonding. Get to know them to learn more about their interests!
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15. Show Genuine Interest
When you actually listen, people notice and appreciate it. Put your phone away, maintain eye contact, and be sure to ask follow-up questions so they know where your attention lies.
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16. Fake It
It’s easier said than done, but oftentimes the only way people come out of their shells is to fake it. You may not be the most confident person in the room, but holding your head high and believing in yourself shows others that you aren’t sweating bullets…even if you are inside.
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17. Open-Ended Questions
When you ask open-ended questions you allow the other person to keep the conversation going, which helps you get your bearings. The more you learn about them, the easier it’ll be for you to speak with them, allowing an ebb and flow rather than a one-sided discussion.
18. Ask Their Opinion
Getting their opinion on something is a quick and simple way to open the conversation. What do they think of the bar you’re in? Do they prefer wine bars or dive bars—and why? You can get their opinion on just about anything!
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19. Mirror Movement
Flirting is a delicate dance, but a good way to match the other person’s energy is to mirror them. Match a gentle touch on the arm or make jokes with them. Mirroring someone can also help coax you out of your nerves a bit.
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20. Practice
Practicing flirting can sound a little silly, but it’s actually a useful resource to help you in the future. Of course, it helps to have some back-and-forth with an actual person, so try flirting with a friend to make it a little easier.
