Experts Weigh In On The Worst Things Couples Can Do After An Argument
Experts Weigh In On The Worst Things Couples Can Do After An Argument
All couples fight. It’s just part of being human. But what you do after the argument is usually a bigger deal than the fight itself. The good relationship coaches and therapists agree that although fighting is inevitable, how you deal with the fallout can make or break your relationship. It can either make you stronger or slowly tear you apart.
Normalize Fighting
No two people in the world can agree with one another 100 percent of the time. Arguments are perfectly normal and healthy as long as you handle them with maturity and a calm head. And how exactly does one do that? By first changing your mind about conflict. Arguing doesn’t have to be the beginning of the end of your relationship. It can, in fact, be a great growth opportunity if you know how to go about it.
Address the Fight
One expert, relationship coach Hall, states that it’s okay to take a breather after a fight, but to not delve into silent treatment territory for hours or days: “Ignoring your partner will only amplify the hurt and anger.” Hall notes that giving your partner the silent treatment and no explanation leaves them guessing about what they might have done to “punish” or “reject” them. In fact, the silent treatment can come across as very disrespectful and even manipulative. It can do damage that will hurt your relationship in the long-run. So with that in mind, take a moment and then talk to your partner about how you’re feeling.
Remain Respectful
After the dust settles, don’t reach for the hurtful words and then feign indifference about them. It's all too easy to slip up and let the anger come out, especially when all our emotions are brought to the forefront. However, its in these moments that we should remind ourselves that the person on the other side is not our enemy, but rather, someone we love deeply. With that in mind, it's recommended to use clear, direct language that conveys how you feel without attacking the other person. This is about starting a conversation rather than further inflicting wounds. And if you’ve done or said something hurtful, avoid the urge to try to backtrack with excuses. Intentions don’t matter, as what is said has been said, and you can’t just take it back.
At the end of the day, disagreements and fights happen, but how you recover from them is what makes the relationship. Make conflict normal, tackle it calmly, and maintain respect. The happiest couples are not those who never fight, but those who learn how to recover.
