Oh boy, your big day is right around the corner! Well, okay, actually it’s well over a year away, but with all the planning and budgeting, it’ll be here before you know it. There’s a lot to do between now and then, and simple questions web into a thousand possibilities. For example, seating arrangements quickly turn into people’s history with each other, your budget, how big a wedding you want…and whether your parents should bring anyone. Before you just toss any name on your guest list, a better question is, should you? 

How Well Do You Know Aunt Barb?

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We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but weddings are about cut-throat decisions. Of course, you can absolutely be the Disney couple that considers everyone’s feelings—or you could be firm in what you want for your day. There’s no harm in inviting old family friends, but if you don’t really know them, there’s also no shame in cutting them from the list. Remember: it’s not about appearances, it’s about whether you can afford another $70 plate of food.

Are Your Parents Pitching In?

Today’s couples aren’t exactly taking the plunge. For many, it’s enough to own a house or adopt a dog together—and with inflation and housing what they are, who could blame them? So, when it’s time to finally tie the knot, couples’ parents often step in and eat some of the costs. It’s nice in theory, but it also opens the door to too many cooks. 

Now that they’ve chipped in for dinner, would you mind if their friend came? Well, they bought the cake, so surely they should invite one guest of their own. It’s a common dilemma, and couples often feel beholden to their parents’ wishes. We won’t lie: it’s not an easy dragon to slay. But at the end of the day, it’s your wedding. 

If you want to compromise, you can always extend a mercy invite to one of their friends, not a group of them. You can also have an honest discussion about whether they should chip in; as nice as it is to get financial help, you can’t put a price on autonomy. Sit down with your partner and figure out the best route forward.

Take Back Control

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We understand the pressures of wedding planning, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that it’s your day. It’s easier said than done, but clear-cut boundaries nip any problems in the bud. (If you struggle with confrontation, it’s not unheard of to recruit your maid-of-honor as a suit of armor; they can answer questions and turn down requests before they even get to you.) 

You have too much to worry about during these busy times. The last thing you need is to fret over how distant cousins feel. We know it’s tough right now, but it’s tougher to see that bill after your parents invite every high school chum. Be firm, be direct, and most importantly, be kind to yourself!