Words That Hurt More Than Help
Over 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety, and it's projected that this number will only continue to rise. With this disorder being so common, it's more important than ever to be careful with the things we say, because our words hold much more power than we might realize. The next time you're with a friend or family member who suffers from anxiety, here are 20 things you should never say.
1. Just Relax
You might think telling someone with anxiety to "just relax" is harmless, but it can actually make them feel even worse. Tone matters—as you'll see in the rest of our points—and you never want to say something that sounds like you're downplaying an anxious person's emotions and experiences.
2. It's All in Your Head
Without fully understanding why someone is anxious, telling them "it's all in their head" not only invalidates their emotions but also minimizes them. You might think saying this could help them pull out of their thoughts, but all it'll do is hurt them further.
3. You're Overthinking
Again, this downplays someone's anxiety and implies that they're simply not controlling their symptoms. Most of the time, those struggling with an anxiety disorder can't help but feel and react the way they do, even when they know their thoughts could be irrational. Having someone repeat this to them doesn't help.
4. Stop Being Anxious
People with anxiety can't control the way they react and what triggers them. Anxiety, after all, isn't a condition you can always manage so easily on your own, or simply turn on and off. By telling someone to "stop being anxious," you're dismissing their emotions and experiences.
5. Why Are You Anxious, Anyway?
Asking an anxious person why they're even anxious may be even worse than telling them to stop feeling that way. Again, tone matters, so unless you approach them with genuine empathy because you want to know how you can help, never say something like this.
6. It's Not a Big Deal
You might even think that downplaying the trigger could prove helpful, but all this does is invalidate an anxious person's perspective. You and they have different experiences and reactions, so even if it might not be a big deal to you, it still is to them.
7. Stop Worrying About It
Telling an anxious person to stop worrying about something won't make them stop worrying about it. Again, anxiety isn't something you can simply switch on and off, so saying this won't be of any help at all.
8. You're Too Sensitive
Think back to the last time you were sad or upset about something. What would you have wanted someone to say to cheer you up in that moment? Probably not "you're too sensitive." Place yourself in someone else's shoes before you say something that wholly invalidates their experiences and feelings.
9. You Need to Toughen Up
You might think this can sound encouraging, but it might sound snippy instead. Most of the time, anxiety can be so overwhelming in the moment that it consumes everything you think, feel, and see. Telling an anxious person to "toughen up" suggests that they're not doing enough to combat the way they're feeling.
10. You're Ruining the Mood
Again, picture that you're upset and someone tells you that you're ruining the mood. Chances are, it wouldn't feel very great. Most of the time, people struggling with anxiety already feel that they may be a burden, especially when they encounter triggers in social situations or in places they don't feel safe in. Telling them that their anxiety is ruining the mood will only make them feel worse.
11. Have You Tried Meditation?
You might think throwing out random suggestions could be thoughtful, but sometimes, those suffering from anxiety have already tried different methods to ease their symptoms and condition. Plus, unless you know the extent of their anxiety or what their triggers are, suggesting ideas unprompted is unhelpful at best, and dismissive at worst.
12. You Don't Have It as Bad as Me
If you have anxiety yourself, you probably wouldn't want someone else to say this to you, so don't say it to someone else. Everybody's experiences are different, and wording it this way invalidates that. It's almost as if you're trying to shift the attention to you.
13. Just Take a Deep Breath
Deep breathing exercises do work, but instead of telling someone with anxiety to "just take a deep breath," do it with them. Guide them through one. Otherwise, depending on your tone, it could come off dismissive, curt, and like you don't have time to deal with their situation.
14. I Know How You Feel
You may think this sounds empathetic, but it can actually draw the opposite reaction. The truth is, you don't know what it's like inside their head, and you don't know how they feel. It's okay to be honest and to ask how best to guide them through their anxiety, than to pretend that you understand their personal experiences and emotions.
15. Why Are You Always So Negative?
Again, try putting yourself into someone else's shoes when you think of saying something like this. How would you feel if you were told this when you were upset or anxious yourself? Plus, remember: anxiety is not something that can be easily turned on and off.
16. You're So Weird
Anxiety isn't weird. It's a mental health condition that many people suffer from. So common is it, in fact, that one-third of American adults will experience it at some point in their lives. But another reason to never say something like this? It's disrespectful, dismissive, and unnecessary.
17. I'm Stressed Too, You Don't See Me Being Anxious
Just as you wouldn't want someone else to invalidate your emotions and personal experiences, don't do it to someone else. There are many reasons why a person might suddenly feel anxious, because everyone has different triggers and thresholds.
18. You Should Be More Confident
Instead of telling someone with anxiety to be more confident, it's more helpful to understand their perspective better to find a solution that works and allows them to build that confidence and trust in themselves. Otherwise, these words will only come off more hurtful.
19. Just Power Through It
If anxiety were so easily "powered through," maybe it wouldn't be regarded as a serious mental health condition at all. While many of us have experienced moments of anxiety that come and go, the experience is wholly different from that of those diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. So as much as an anxious person might just want to "power through," their anxiety holds them back because it's not something they can fully control.
20. Other People Have It Worse
Similar to the previous ones we've covered, saying this achieves nothing and only makes an anxious person feel worse. Anxiety affects everyone differently, so trying to compare these experiences and saying that others have it worse invalidates personal perspectives, triggers, and situations.
