Children Aren't For Everyone
Once you reach the point where all of your friends from high school are debating the merits of different diaper brands while you're happily child-free, it can feel like you're living in a different world. On the flip side, to parents who love their kids, the decision to not have any can seem unfathomable. While there are some things that people without kids won't understand about parenthood, there are also things parents won't understand about child-free lifestyle.
1. We're Happy
Believe it or not, you can be happy without kids. It's easy to feel joy in raising children and want everyone else to feel that same spark, but not everyone wants to. People can be happy without kids, in fact, many people cite being child-free as giving them opportunities to explore what they want their lives to be.
2. Children Aren't An Obligation
Everyone reading this has probably had their parents ask when they're going to "give them grandchildren". Nobody is obligated to be a parent. You should have kids because you want them, not to meet expectations.
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3. We Chose This
Sometimes, infertility can be a blessing in disguise for child-free people. Other times, people who can have kids simply choose not to. Just like you chose to have children, child-free people chose not to.
4. Parenthood Isn't For Everyone
Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and not everyone wants to be. Just like we shouldn't treat children like a necessity for adult life, we should also assume everyone is cut out to be a parent. Maybe they had a traumatic upbringing, maybe they simply don't want to be a parent.
5. We're Still Busy
Just because child-free people aren't up all hours of the night feeding their newborn or don't have a weekend jam-packed with soccer games and ballet recitals doesn't mean they're not still busy. This also doesn't mean that any stress they experience isn't "real" or equivalent to the stress that parents feel.
6. We're Not Selfish
Child-free life isn't an endless cycle of happy hours and bottomless brunches. People who choose not to have children don't do so simply because they want more time to party or go on expensive vacations. Oftentimes, this is not a decision that has been made easily, but rather one that a lot of thought has gone into.
7. Work/Life Balance Is Still Hard
You aren't magically free from responsibilities the second you choose not to conceive. In fact, it's normal for employers with kids to treat employees without them as lesser than their parental counterparts, asking them to put in work and hours because their time is believed to be expendable.
8. We Won't Change Our Mind
Let's get something straight: telling someone they'll "change their mind" after they've confined in you about any important part of themself is flippant and rude. Being child-free isn't a phase and treating it like one is an easy way to lose a friend. What if we don't change our minds? What then?
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9. It's Not Because We Can't Conceive
Sometimes people are child-free because they can't have kids or because it's unsafe. Sometimes people with zero fertility issues whatsoever are child-free. It isn't an issue of whether we can have kids, but whether we want to.
10. It's Not Because We're Afraid Of Pregnancy
People who don't want children aren't just scaredy-cats who are afraid of pregnancy. This line of thinking can also be used to accuse women of vanity for not wanting to "ruin" their bodies with pregnancy. Like with conception, it isn't that we're afraid of pregnancy, but rather that we don't want to experience it.
11. (But Some Of Us Are)
That said, pregnancy is scary! Plenty of child-free people are afraid of pregnancy and that fear is a major factor in their decision. Pregnancy may be a miracle, but it's also terrifying, stressful, and dangerous.
12. We Won't "Just Adopt"
So if you have trouble conceiving/don't want to be pregnant, why don't you just adopt? First, babies aren't toys or products; second, not wanting a baby has nothing to do with the provenance of the baby. Adoption is great for choosing a shelter pet, it isn't a baby boutique.
13. A Baby Isn't A Status Symbol
Popping out a baby doesn't give you an automatic gold star in childhood. It isn't a milestone, it's a human life who you will be responsible for for the rest of yours. Someone who doesn't want this responsibility is not less than those who do.
14. We Don't Hate Children
Please don't assume that we hate children just because we don't have any of our own. Plenty of people are uncomfortable around children, and some do dislike them, but that's also true of some parents! Most of us love kids, we just don't want to raise them.
15. Raising Children Is Expensive
Like it or not, raising children is an economic commitment that some people are unable to afford. Raising children is expensive and will only get more so. We're not going to put ourselves in debt because we're expected to have children.
16. Our Love Life Is Fine
Similar to being told that we'll "change our minds," child-free people often hear that we "haven't met the right partner yet." Not wanting children is not a sign of an unhappy relationship; in fact, it's a red flag to have a partner who supports this choice. Don't assume our relationships are on the rocks.
17. We Aren't Built-In Babysitters
Like we said earlier, child-free people still have responsibilities, and some of them are even important. Just like we don't expect you to drop your baby off with a baby-sitter to hang out with us, you shouldn't expect us to drop everything so we can watch over your kid when you want a night out. Rely on a professional for childcare, not your friends.
18. Reproduction Is Not The Point
Reproduction is not the be-all and end-all of humanity, and we were put on this heart to do more than reproduce. Even if our hypothetical baby were to cure cancer or discover life on Mars or write the next Great American Novel, we refuse to be shackled to these what-ifs.
19. We Don't Want Pity
When many people hear that their loved ones don't want children, their first response is pity. Not wanting children isn't a condition that warrants sympathy. We're not sad about it and you shouldn't be either.
20. Our Business Is Our Own
We're never going to knock someone for being empathetic and understanding when a loved one tells them they're child-free. However, if your first response is to ask "why," play armchair psychologist, and probe for a root, you're overstepping a boundary. "I don't want kids" is a full sentence on its own.
