Some Things Are Better Said Directly
Older generations can say what they want about young people's slang—no one had grosser terms for intimacy than boomers! Many of those supposedly discreet expressions are far more embarrassing than just saying it out loud, but if we have to suffer through them, so do you. Here are 20 painful euphemisms that we'd happily leave in the past.
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1. Making Whoopee
Few phrases announce their age as loudly as this one. The expression dates back decades and became especially familiar through older television, comedy, and popular music, where saying things outright wasn't always appropriate. Today, it doesn’t sound scandalous; it just sounds embarrassing.
2. Hanky-Panky
“Hanky-panky” somehow sounds both suspicious and innocent…but we know the truth. Older generations often used it as a deliberately vague way of referring to activity, and hearing someone seriously announce that there was “hanky-panky going on” instantly transports you back to the past.
3. Fooling Around
This one has survived better than most, although its meaning has always been conveniently flexible. “Fooling around” could refer to any part of the boudoir, so at least it isn’t as humiliating as a few others. However, that ambiguity also explains why generations of parents loved it so much; it was basically a get-out-of-jail-free card for all intimacy!
4. Getting Frisky
Apparently, behaving “frisky” once covered everything from flirting to disappearing upstairs together. Either way, we hate it. The term still gets used jokingly today, but it carries the unmistakable energy of an older person trying very hard not to say the obvious word.
5. Having Relations
Nothing drains the romance quicker than language you’d hear in a business meeting. “Having relations” was a polite expression frequently used when more direct language was considered inappropriate for respectable conversation. You can practically hear someone lowering their voice before saying it.
6. Hide the Salami
You know, euphemisms are supposed to be subtle, and this one’s anything but. It’s also just incredibly immature! It’s also kind of gross! Hearing it nowadays is enough to make you wish you’d sink into the floor.
7. The Horizontal Mambo
Ah, yes—the very obvious euphemism we’ve all heard at least once. “The horizontal mambo” became one of those cheeky expressions people used all the time, and everyone knew what you were talking about. Unfortunately, mentioning it now is more likely to produce awkward silence than flirtation.
8. Getting Lucky
At least this one gets straight to the point, even if it is a little cringe-worthy. “Getting lucky” became a familiar way to say somebody successfully ended an evening with time together, particularly after a date. It also gave generations of friends an easy opportunity to ask intrusive questions the following morning.
9. Going All the Way
Teen movies and nervous parental conversations both made “going all the way” unavoidable. It was another one of those phrases that sort of encapsulated everything without saying anything. However, that’s also why the phrase sounds especially dated now.
10. Bumping Uglies
Wow, what a terrible way to describe it! Let’s be honest; this one somehow makes intimacy sound worse with every word. It's hard to imagine anyone hearing it today and actually getting excited about a night in bed.
11. Sharing a Bed
We’ll say this: “sharing a bed’ is boring, and that’s its only crime. The wording just offered a tidy way to suggest intimacy while maintaining enough ambiguity to seem respectable. Of course, couples have literally shared beds while doing nothing exciting, so this one could’ve used a little juice, but at least it’s an easy one to hear.
12. Getting Some
There isn't much elegance behind this one, is there? Getting some…what, exactly? We all know what you mean, so just say it! Younger generations have certainly used it too, but there's something distinctly dated about hearing a middle-aged dad announce that his buddy is “getting some.”
13. Doing the Deed
Calling time together “the deed” makes it sound a lot like paperwork. Or maybe a favor. Either way, it’s bad. Ironically, the attempt at discretion also draws far more attention to the subject.
14. Making Love
Unlike some entries on this list, “making love” was intended to sound romantic rather than comedic. While we don’t necessarily hate it, it is an antiquated way to refer to adult time, especially since some couples nowadays barely know each other.
15. A Roll in the Hay
You weren’t raised in a barn, were you? We’ve heard that about chewing with our mouths open, and the same applies here! “A roll in the hay” traditionally meant a casual or enthusiastic encounter, often with a mischievous tone. The thing is, it just sounds gross.
16. Knocking Boots
The exact origin of “knocking boots” has been debated, but its meaning is a lot less mysterious. The phrase became slang pretty quickly back in the day, and it gained particularly broad recognition through music and pop culture during the late 20th century. It’s also not something you’d hear today.
17. Afternoon Delight
We have Ron Burgundy to thank for bringing this phrase back to life. Well, more specifically, we have Starland Vocal Band's 1976 hit to blame. Now every innocent afternoon gets uncomfortable.
18. Getting It On
Speaking of suggestive songs, Marvin Gaye deserves at least partial responsibility for putting this on the table. His 1973 hit cemented the phrase as a famous invitation to intimacy, and decades later, saying somebody was “getting it on” still sounds like corny ‘70s dialogue.
19. Doing the Wild Thing
“The wild thing” became another conveniently goofy way of mentioning time together without technically saying it. To make things worse, the expression gained an enormous pop-culture boost from Tone Lōc's 1988 hit “Wild Thing,” which wasn't particularly subtle about what its narrator wanted, either.
20. Marital Duties
Wow, nothing says passion like describing intimacy as an obligation. Of every euphemism here, this may be the strongest argument for simply calling time in bed what it is! You’d think this one would’ve been retired a long time ago, but it’s actually (and unfortunately) more common than you think with older generations.
