10 Things You Should Never Apologize for in a Relationship & 10 You Absolutely Should
10 Things You Should Never Apologize for in a Relationship & 10 You Absolutely Should
The Art of Saying Sorry
Admit it—you've probably had moments in your relationships where you were too stubborn to apologize for something you did. You've likely also had times when you seemed to be apologizing for everything under the sun. But what's wrong, and what's right? How can you know when you should be saying sorry? We're here to help you break it down: here are 10 things you should never apologize for in a relationship—and 10 you absolutely should.
1. Saying "No"
You should never apologize for saying "no"—this word, after all, is essentially for setting boundaries. If you don't feel like going out for a dinner date tonight and would rather stay home, your partner should understand and respect that.
2. Voicing Your Opinions
Your opinions are always valid, even if they don't match your partner's perspective. Agree to disagree; don't feel obligated to apologize for seeing things from a different perspective. Your personal tastes, feelings, and thoughts are worth voicing out, and respect should go both ways.
3. Your Emotions
Never say sorry for feeling a certain way. If you're upset about something you felt was disrespectful, you're not overreacting or being "too sensitive." A healthy relationship means being able to parse through your emotions with your partner, and to trust that they'll be open, empathetic, and understanding.
4. Your Partner's Behavior
Your partner is their own person, and their behavior doesn't reflect yours. You should never feel the need to apologize on their behalf for something they said—they should take responsibility for their actions and apologize themselves instead.
5. Pursuing Your Dreams
If you're thinking of switching careers or going back to school, go for it. While you'll still need to account for how this might affect the division of responsibilities in your relationship (say, if you're raising a newborn), you should never apologize for chasing your dreams and ambitions.
6. Setting Boundaries
Just as you should never apologize for saying "no," you should never feel bad for setting boundaries. Prioritize your needs, voice them out loud, and stand behind them. You don't want to be a doormat and allow yourself to be pushed around.
7. Prioritizing Self-Care
If you need to block some time off in the day to do yoga, journal, see a friend, or just have some time to yourself, that's something that's a given. Self-care is important, and you don't need to feel sorry for prioritizing and nurturing your physical and mental health.
8. Making Choices About Your Body
Whether your fashion sense has changed or you're wondering if you should get a new piercing or tattoo, that's your call; it's your body, after all. Don't let others dictate what you do, because no one is entitled to something that belongs to you.
9. Your Partner's Insecurities
If your partner expresses their insecurities to you, you might shower them with love and affection and help them build back their confidence. But if they try to blame you for their insecurities or try to bring you down as well, that's on them, and you shouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior.
10. Ending the Relationship
If a relationship is no longer serving you, leave it. You never have to apologize for breaking it off with someone if being with them doesn't make you happy anymore, and if they've done some things you find are inexcusable. The best thing to do is to end it respectfully, and walk away.
That doesn't mean you never have to apologize in a relationship; there are still times when you absolutely should. Let's cover 10:
1. Breaking a Promise
If you've promised your partner that you would take a day off to celebrate their birthday, only to decide against it last minute, that's something you should absolutely apologize for. If you know you won't be able to keep your word, be honest and transparent.
2. Lying
Lying never does anything good in any relationship, and especially in romantic ones, where mutual trust and respect are expected. If you tell a lie of any kind, no matter the reason, you should immediately let your partner know the truth, or you risk crumbling that foundation you've built.
3. Flirting with Others or Cheating
Not only should you apologize for flirting with others, but you should also think about whether your actions mean your heart is no longer in this relationship. And if you've crossed the line into infidelity, you should immediately take responsibility for your actions. Be honest with your partner and do the respectful thing by walking away.
4. Being Disrespectful
Just as you expect your partner to treat you with respect, they expect the same from you. Being unnecessarily rude, deliberately ignoring or crossing their boundaries, and not considering their feelings during disagreements will only wear down trust and intimacy. If you've let your temper or pride get the better of you, acknowledge it and apologize—being in a relationship means being mindful of how your actions impact someone else.
5. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where you make someone else question their perception of reality. Not only should you absolutely apologize for doing it, you should also never be doing it in the first place. Again, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and trust, and behaviors like gaslighting should never be tolerated.
6. Shutting Your Partner Out
It's understandable that you might occasionally need some time for yourself, whether to practice self-care or just have space to clear your mind. But you should never shut your partner out without saying a word. Let them know your intentions and what you're feeling, so they're not just suddenly met with radio silence.
7. Controlling Behavior
Beyond gaslighting, there are other manipulative tactics toxic partners use in relationships, such as dictating what their partner wears or who they see. Even if you're jealous, you should express this to your partner honestly, instead of trying to control their every move.
8. Reacting in Anger
If you have trouble holding in your anger and often take it out on others, it's not just time to apologize—it's time to see a therapist. No one deserves to constantly get lashed out at because you get irritated easily, least of all your partner and loved ones.
9. Neglecting Your Responsibilities in a Relationship
You've heard this before: a relationship is a two-way street. You both have individual responsibilities in your personal life, but you have responsibilities you share as well. Neglecting them without proper warning infringes on that foundation of trust you've built with your partner, which will only create more friction in your bond.
10. You're in the Wrong
If you're in the wrong, admit it. Own up to it. Don't continue arguing with your partner just to get the upper hand or have the last say. Be mature, respectful, and understanding, and accept it when you've done something wrong.
