Children Who Deserved Better
It’s a sad reality that lots of kids grow up with bad parents, whether that includes being absent or being a negative force in their lives. Well, as adults, there are clear signs in people's behaviors indicating this rough upbringing. In fact, here are 20 common signs someone grew up with bad parents. Do you relate to any of these?
1. Emotional Numbness
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected, even in upsetting situations. After going through a series of challenges or hardships, it can be difficult to get worked up about things that would typically upset other people. This is usually a way the mind has tried to protect itself from stress or trauma in the past.
2. Feeling Unlovable
Another sign someone had a difficult childhood with their parents is if they can love other people but can't seem to believe that they are lovable in return. They may feel at their core that nobody could ever care about them. This applies even when people treat them nicely.
3. Not Wanting a Family
A clue that someone was raised by toxic parents is feeling reluctant or resistant to get married or have kids. They fear that they might pass on the pain they experienced in childhood. They may also feel unworthy of love and lack the tools needed to build a loving family.
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4. Quiet Steps
One indicator that someone was raised by a critical parent is learning how to walk softly and not be seen. If a child is frequently criticized just for being themselves, they can form a tendency to shrink their presence in order to keep the peace. So if they move very quietly, there may be more to it.
5. Lying to Avoid Conflict
A sign that you grew up with toxic parents could be the way you avoid conflict at any cost. You may find yourself telling white lies or withholding your emotions to keep the peace and avoid arguments or tension. You might continue this pattern until your emotions build up and then explode.
6.Assuming They’re Wrong
Someone who grew up with this type of parenting is often a person who is always questioning what they just did and wondering if they did something wrong. They find themselves always editing what they're thinking or doing. They may also get a vague sense of guilt even when everything’s supposedly fine.
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7. Paranoia
Someone with a suspicious or paranoid nature may have had a rough upbringing. If you find it difficult to trust people, you may be trying to overcompensate for criticism you faced when you were younger. Growing up with an unreliable parent makes people become very cautious with others in their adult lives.
8. Confused by Gifts
They may initially interpret kind gestures, like a thoughtful gift, as criticism or a personal attempt to diminish or control them. It often takes a long time and much patience for an explanation to sink in that they were made out of care and love. In fact, they might even take it as an insult.
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9. Blocking Memories
Another sign someone may have had a rough childhood is that they may have large chunks of time in their childhood that they do not remember. They may have repressed things as a way to cope. Or perhaps they just don’t like to talk about it.
10. Kind of Quiet
One of the signs a person grew up with poor parenting is being hesitant to show their interests and passions. This is because their parents didn't care or were dismissive, so they were taught not to share. They grew up not showing interest in anything, and as a result, they still don't share their joys.
11. People Pleasing
They are frequently self-sacrificing and work very hard to help others, giving up their own needs and rarely asking for help themselves. This response most commonly has its roots in having to 'earn' approval and avoid criticism in an environment where their own needs did not matter. As such, they’re quite the people pleaser.
12. Afraid to Open Up
They may also have an intense fear of being open or vulnerable. In the past, being open usually resulted in being told they were wrong or being punished, so they built up defense mechanisms to keep them safe. Closing off and hiding feelings is one such way.
13. Desperate for Control
Being raised in an unpredictable or chaotic environment often causes them to feel the need to control every aspect of their own lives. It’s one of the few ways they feel safe and secure. However, this can manifest as being a bit of a control freak.
14. Panicking Over Small Things
A sign that you may have had difficult parents is to panic when things don't go your way. It only takes the slightest thing to throw you off, and you panic. Having had to constantly watch your back as a child, you are in a state of alert all the time.
15. Lack of Self-Esteem
One sign that you may have grown up with difficult parenting is a persistent lack of self-esteem. This can manifest in many ways, from self-doubt and insecurity to struggling to accept compliments or make decisions. It often stems from a childhood where your feelings and accomplishments were ignored.
16. Refusing Compliments
Someone who has been brought up in a difficult manner often has a problem with accepting compliments. If someone has only ever heard negative feedback and criticism from people, it's hard to not feel awkward when you're being praised. It's as though a part of them is unable to believe that they're worthy of a compliment.
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17. Flinching at Loud Noises
A sign that someone grew up with toxic parents is that they flinch when people yell or make loud noises. If they grew up in an environment where loud voices were common, they may be extra sensitive to loud sounds. It might even send them into fight-or-flight mode.
18. Always Apologizing
If you find yourself apologizing all the time, even for things you don't need to apologize for, it can be a sign of having grown up with toxic parents. This can show up as needing to apologize for stating your opinions or asking for what you need. This can be a learned behavior, from being taught early on that your needs or opinions could be invalidated.
19. Need Constant Reassurance
One sign a person may have been raised with difficult parenting is the need for frequent reassurance that they are a good or worthy person. It can be very common for a person who didn't get consistent reassurance as a child to look to others for validation. This can often be an indication of a deep longing to be accepted and valued.
20. Assuming You’re Upset
Someone who's had difficult parents might jump to the conclusion that other people are angry with them whenever they detect a lack of interest. This is often because they are extremely sensitive to the possibility of being criticized or rejected. It may be that they've been told that they're to blame or at fault for a lot of things in the past, and they've become protective of themselves as a result.
