Setting the Tone
First dates can feel like a lot of pressure, and it's easy to either overthink every little detail or go in completely unprepared. The truth is that most people aren't looking for perfection on a first date; they're looking for someone who's considerate, genuine, and enjoyable to spend time with. Whether you're heading out for coffee or a full dinner, a few smart choices can make the difference between a great first impression and an awkward goodbye. Ready to know what you should and shouldn't do? Read on.
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1. Show Up Late Without a Heads-Up
Arriving late to a first date sends the message that your time is more valuable than your date's, even if that's not your intention at all. If something unexpected comes up, the least you can do is send a quick text letting your date know you're running behind. Punctuality is one of the easiest ways to show respect, and it costs you absolutely nothing.
2. Spend the Date on Your Phone
Keeping your phone on the table and glancing at it throughout the date is one of the quickest ways to make your date feel like they're boring you. Your date has taken time out of their day to be there, and they deserve your full attention for a couple of hours. Unless you're expecting a genuine emergency, put the phone in your pocket and leave it there.
3. Talk About Your Ex
Bringing up a former partner, whether you're speaking fondly or bitterly, is a red flag for most people on a first date. It can make your date wonder whether you're actually over the relationship or whether you're using the evening as a way to process your feelings. Keep the conversation focused on getting to know each other rather than rehashing the past.
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4. Dominate the Entire Conversation
There's a difference between being confident and enthusiastic and simply not letting the other person get a word in edgewise. A first date is supposed to be a two-way exchange, so make sure you're asking questions and genuinely listening to your date's responses. If you find yourself doing most of the talking, it's a good sign to pause and invite your date to share more.
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5. Make the Date About Complaining
Venting about your job, your family, your finances, or anything else that's frustrating you right now isn't the best way to kick off a connection with someone new. Nobody wants to spend a first date feeling like a therapist, and it can come across as emotionally draining before your date even knows you. Save the heavier topics for when you've built up enough trust and rapport to have those kinds of conversations.
6. Bring Up Marriage or Kids Too Soon
Even if long-term compatibility is something you care about, there's a time and a place to discuss marriage timelines and parenting plans, and a first date isn't it. Bringing it up too soon can feel intense and may put unnecessary pressure on what should be a relaxed, exploratory conversation. Let things develop naturally before jumping straight to life-planning territory.
7. Be Rude to Service Staff
How you treat a waiter, bartender, or host says a great deal about your character, and your date is absolutely paying attention to it. Being dismissive, impatient, or condescending to anyone serving you is a serious turn-off that's hard to come back from. Treat everyone around you with the same courtesy you're extending to your date.
8. Lie or Exaggerate to Impress Your Date
It might be tempting to stretch the truth a little to seem more impressive or interesting, but it creates a foundation that's impossible to build anything real on. If things go well and you see your date again, those exaggerations have a way of unraveling quickly. Your date will be far more impressed by someone who's comfortable being honest about who they actually are.
9. Push Your Date to Drink More Than They Want
If your date has declined a drink or decided to stop at one, that's their decision to make, and it deserves to be respected without any commentary or persuasion. Pressuring someone to drink more than they're comfortable with is a significant boundary issue, regardless of how casual or well-meaning it might feel in the moment. Pay attention to their choices and follow their lead without question.
10. Spend the Whole Date Interviewing Your Date
Rapid-firing question after question can start to feel less like a date and more like a job interview, which isn't exactly the vibe you're going for. Good conversation has a natural flow to it, with both people sharing, responding, and following threads organically. Let the discussion breathe a little rather than running through a mental checklist of things you want to find out.
So, what should you do instead to leave a great, lasting impression? Here are 10 courteous things to do that will make your date want to see you again.
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1. Plan Ahead
Walking in with absolutely no plan and expecting things to just work themselves out can come across as lazy or indifferent. Choosing a venue in advance, making a reservation if one is needed, and having a general sense of how the evening will go shows that you put in some effort.
2. Dress Appropriately for the Occasion
You don't need to show up in a suit unless the setting calls for it, but looking like you've made zero effort with your appearance isn't a great way to start things off. Wearing something clean, well-fitted, and appropriate for wherever you're going signals that you take the date seriously. A little thought about your outfit goes a long way toward making a solid first impression.
3. Ask Thoughtful Questions
Showing genuine curiosity about who your date is—their interests, their opinions, what they enjoy—makes them feel valued and seen from the very beginning. The best questions are the ones that open up real conversation rather than ones that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Let your date's answers guide where the conversation goes next.
4. Be Honest About Who You Are
Presenting an authentic version of yourself, even if it feels a little vulnerable, is always going to serve you better than performing a version of yourself you think your date wants to see. If your date connects with who you actually are, that's the foundation of something worth pursuing. If there's no real connection, it's better to find that out sooner rather than later.
5. Make Your Date Feel Comfortable
Doing small things to put your date at ease, whether that's keeping the energy light, being warm and welcoming, or simply not putting pressure on the evening, makes a big difference in how the date feels overall. A lot of first-date nerves come from not knowing what to expect, so the more relaxed and approachable you are, the easier it becomes for your date to relax, too. Your comfort level is contagious, so carry it well.
6. Offer to Pay, But Read the Room
Offering to cover the bill is a thoughtful gesture that many people still appreciate, and it's generally considered good form on a first date. That said, if your date insists on splitting it, don't make a big production out of refusing; just be gracious about it. You can also say that the next date is definitely all on you.
7. Follow Up After the Date
If you had a good time, let your date know by sending a message later that evening or the next day. A simple, genuine note saying you enjoyed spending time together goes a long way and takes the guesswork out of where things stand. It's a small gesture that communicates both confidence and consideration.
8. Stay Present and Engaged Throughout
Being fully engaged means more than just not looking at your phone: it means actively listening, responding thoughtfully, and showing that you're genuinely interested in the conversation. People can tell when someone is just waiting for their turn to talk versus when someone is truly paying attention, and the difference matters. Give your date your genuine presence from start to finish.
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9. Respect Their Boundaries Without Making It Awkward
Whether it comes to physical contact, personal topics, or the pace of the evening, paying attention to your date's comfort level and adjusting accordingly is a basic but important part of being a good date. If your date seems hesitant about something, take that cue seriously and don't push past it.
10. End the Date on a Confident Note
When the evening comes to a close, wrap things up with confidence rather than letting the goodbye drag on awkwardly while you try to figure out the right move. Thank your date for spending the time with you, be clear about whether you'd like to see them again if that's how you feel, and part ways without overthinking it. A clean, confident ending leaves a lasting impression that carries over long after the date itself is done.
