Toxic or Healthy?
Love should feel like fireworks, but they shouldn't feel like the world's been set on fire. When you're in a toxic relationship, it can be hard to see the red flags even when they're waving in front of you. One thing's for sure: a healthy relationship shouldn't be draining, and if you feel that way, it might be time to question whether or not your partner is the right person for you. Here are 10 signs your relationship might be toxic, and 10 signs it's a loving, supportive one.
1. Put Their Needs Above Yours
When you're in a toxic relationship, it seems like everything you do is for your partner's benefit. It no longer matters whether you're going through a tough time and need support or a shoulder to lean on—your needs will be ignored and minimized while your partner's are amplified. Here's the kicker: if you don't put their needs above yours, you will be made to look like the bad guy.
2. Clingy, Obsessive Behavior
Another red flag that you might see in a toxic relationship is clingy, borderline obsessive behavior. This is when your partner needs to be in constant contact with you, and keeps tabs on everything you do and every person you see. If you don't respond to their messages in time, they'll be extremely unhappy.
3. Control Everything You Do
A toxic partner doesn't just have obsessive traits—they often take it a step further, which leads to controlling and possessive behavior. This means they're not only monitoring who you're seeing (as well as when and where), but they're also choosing who you get to see. They may also feel like they have the right to tell you what to wear or eat, or even who you should be friends with.
4. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a type of manipulation where someone is made to question their own reality. Toxic partners who gaslight may make you feel bad about something you didn't do, warp your memories, or twist your words into something more insidious. Even if you were to catch these signs and call them out on it, they'll find a way to distort your judgment, shift the blame onto you, and make you doubt your own beliefs and actions.
5. Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
There are many ways a toxic partner can make you feel bad about yourself. They may constantly belittle you, such as making fun of the way you talk or look in front of others, then passing it off as a joke. They may also make you feel inferior to them, to the point you believe that you aren't as worthy as they are.
6. Keep You Away from Loved Ones
When you're in a toxic relationship, you may also find that you spend less time with your family and friends. This is because your partner may try to keep you away from your loved ones by making you feel bad for not spending all your time with them instead.
7. Blame You for Everything Bad
A toxic partner may also blame you for everything bad happening in their life. They may say that you're the reason they failed their last job interview, or that you're the one holding them back from the opportunities they could be getting. They may also say you're at fault for everything going wrong in the relationship.
8. Disrespect Your Boundaries
Another red flag that indicates you're in a toxic relationship is when your partner disrespects your boundaries. Despite you repeating them over and over, they repeatedly ignore you and make you feel bad for setting them up or boxing yourself away from them.
9. Make You Feel Like Walking on Eggshells
When you're in a relationship with a toxic partner, they can make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells whenever you're around them. You might feel like everything you say or do could accidentally set off a fuse, which may spiral and lead to something worse. So, instead of speaking out about anything, you keep quiet.
10. Act Like a Different Person Around Others
Last but not least, a toxic partner may act like a completely different person around others. They may be the most loving person around you whenever you're in public, only to be the opposite of that in private. This is why it's important to keep trusted family and friends close, so that they'll believe your words over whatever performance your partner shows.
What about if you're in a healthy, loving relationship, then? What are some ways you can tell that you're with a partner worth keeping? Here are 10 signs to look for:
1. Enjoy Each Other's Company
You should enjoy being with your partner; you shouldn't feel like you wish you were anywhere else. When you're with the right person in a healthy relationship, you value their company and want to spend more time with them whenever possible.
2. You Trust One Another
When you're in a healthy relationship, you completely trust your partner. You don't feel the need to question who they're with or where they are, and whether or not they're telling the truth. They should, in turn, also not feel the need to doubt you or your intentions.
3. Supportive of Each Other's Goals
No matter what goals you've set, a healthy partner should be there to support you and cheer you on, just as you should do for them. They should also be there to motivate you when the going gets tough, and to make you feel like you can do anything you put your mind to.
4. Committed to the Relationship
When you're in a healthy relationship, you should expect that your partner is committed to you and the relationship you're building together. In contrast, a partner who doesn't respect you and chooses to engage in behavior that makes you question their commitment is one who falls in the toxic category.
5. Can Be Completely Honest & Vulnerable
You shouldn't feel like you need to walk on eggshells whenever you're around your partner. Instead, they should make you feel safe and heard, so that you're able to be completely honest and vulnerable with them. You should be able to expect that they'll listen without judgment, and that they'll always be there for you to lean on.
6. Value Each Other's Opinions
Instead of weighing one person's opinions higher than the other's, people in healthy relationships know to value their partner's thoughts and feelings. They understand that we don't always think alike on the same issues, and that sometimes, the best thing to do is agree to disagree.
7. Respect Independence
In a healthy relationship, you and your partner should understand that you each have your own lives, families, and friends. You each have your own goals, hobbies, and interests as well. Because of this, you respect each other's independence, and never try to mold or change the other into someone they're not.
8. Healthy Conflict & Resolution
Whenever there's a conflict, you and your partner shouldn't ignore the problem until it becomes something bigger or worse. In a healthy relationship, there should always be good conflict resolution skills between both of you, and working out the kinks in a problem should be a two-person job—not a one-person one.
9. Healthy Communication
A healthy relationship needs healthy communication, and that's a criterion that you can never go without. What does healthy communication look like? It's when you're a great listener and an honest speaker. You need to be able to tell your partner what's going on in your mind instead of letting them be a mind reader.
10. Fun & Comfortable to Be Around Each Other
When you're in a healthy relationship, it should feel like you can spend all the time in the world with your partner. They should make you feel like you can be yourself around them, and that every hour you're with them is fun, relaxed, and magical.
