Picky or Not Picky Enough?
Dating can be hard, but when your standards are set too high or too low, you might be making things even harder for yourself. Are you the type to reject potential partners over the smallest thing (like sneezing too loud), or are you so forgiving that you’re fine being left on "read" for weeks at a time? Whether you want to admit it or not, both extremes can keep you from finding a relationship you’re actually happy in. Here are 10 signs your dating standards are too high—and 10 signs they’re way too low.
1. You Reject People Over Small Things
You could be having a great date with someone and feel that everything's perfect, but the moment they reveal that they still live with their parents or that they like falling asleep with a plushie, your alarm bells start ringing. No matter how small or shallow, you reject people over the tiniest things, regardless of how good everything else about them is.
2. Your Ideal Type Is Almost Impossible
It's not just that you reject people over the smallest things—your ideal type in itself is almost impossible to live up to. In fact, whenever someone asks you about what kind of person you're attracted to, you have a long, long list of qualities you expect your perfect partner to have, as if you're describing a fictional character.
3. If There's No Immediate Chemistry, It's a No for You
It's not just that your ideal partner should have all the qualities you're looking for; in your mind, if there are no immediate sparks the moment you meet, it's game over. You don't care that some dates can start off awkward, where you're both fumbling over words, before connection slowly builds. You want there to be instant chemistry, like you and your partner were always expected to meet.
4. You Expect Qualities You Don't Offer Yourself
Another sign that your dating standards are too high? You expect your ideal partner to have all the qualities that you don't even offer yourself. They have to have a good, well-paying job; they have to drive a super nice car; they have to know how to cook; they have to cater to your every need; they have to read your mind. Sounds ridiculous, right? Unless you're also able to give back what you're expecting to take, you're likely going to find yourself at a dead end.
5. Your Friends Say You're Too Picky
If even your friends say you're too picky, it's probably time to reflect on your dating standards. While it's not a "red flag" to have a specific ideal type or a few non-negotiables (certain qualities you expect a partner to have), if you always have more bad things to say about a date than good things, it could mean you're overly critical and choosy.
6. You View Dates as Job Interviews
Whenever you go on a date with someone, you don't go into it with a positive mindset and a goal to have fun. Instead, you're walking into it with a stern face, like your date is a candidate in a job interview they have to pass. One wrong move or word, and they're out.
7. Your Relationships Never Last Long
Even if you don't realize it yet, there's probably a reason why all your relationships don't last longer than a few months. You might have always blamed it on your exes for why you broke up, but it could also be you and your awfully high expectations.
8. You Get the "Ick" Super Easily
Everything gives you the "ick." Whenever you're on a date, you might nitpick to the point that you start to notice everything bad about the other person. Maybe their voice is too high. Maybe they're too fidgety. Maybe they blink too much. Maybe they have a lisp. No matter what it is, you cringe over almost everything.
9. You Think Compromising Is the Same as Settling
If you have to compromise something, to you, that feels like an immediate loss. So much so, that you'd rather call it quits and pursue someone else, because you'd rather start over than settle for someone who doesn't match your ideal perfectly. You don't realize that compromising is not the same as settling.
10. You're Still Single
Another glaring sign that your dating standards are probably too high is if you're still single. You've practically exhausted all your avenues. No one can meet your ideal and every little thing makes you cringe, so you're pushing people away more often than you're building any potential spark with someone.
How, then, can you tell if you're the opposite—if your dating standards are too low? Here are 10 signs you might want to look for instead.
1. You Ignore Red Flags
They left you on "read" for two weeks? They cancel plans last minute? They don't care about your comfort, only their own? Sure, these may all be glaring red flags, but to you, you're okay with it all. In fact, you justify other people's disrespectful behavior all the time, because what if they're just misunderstood?
2. You're Often the One Chasing
You're usually the one initiating dates and putting in all the effort you can give. You might only ever get 10% of that effort back, but to you, that's better than nothing. You're okay with chasing because you believe the right partner is worth the energy.
3. You Let People Back in Even After They've Hurt You
No matter if they're an ex your friends warned you to stay away from or a first date who left you in the rain after you paid for dinner, you're too soft and you'll let people back in so long as they ask for another chance. People can always change for the better and prove everyone else wrong, right?
4. You Rush Into Things
Sure, you might have only met this person just last week, but they've gone above and beyond your expectations (which isn't really saying anything), and you're ready to start something new with them. It doesn't matter that all your dates have only lasted 30 minutes, or that they've always been the one to leave first every time.
5. You're Okay with the Bare Minimum
As long as they don't direct their anger at you when they're mad, you're okay with everything else. They could be a slob, be unemployed, make fun of the disadvantaged, expect you to pay for them, and be a giant red flag all around—but they gave you flowers once, so that's something, right?
6. Your Friends Tell You That You Deserve Better
If your friends are often telling you that you should be looking for people who actually deserve you, it's probably a sign that your dating standards are way too low. Your friends want the best for you, so you should take their advice seriously.
7. You're Too Open-Minded
It's good to be open-minded and not be too picky and date only a certain ideal, but when you're too open-minded, it can actually backfire. A good rule of thumb to follow: if they don't offer you any respect and don't listen to any boundaries you set, it should be an immediate no.
8. You're Always the One Settling
When your dating standards are too low, you'll find that you're always the one settling. You might give your partner 110% while they only give back a tiny fraction of that effort. While you may sometimes have to make compromises in a relationship, you shouldn't feel like you're settling or that you're a doormat.
9. You're Afraid of Being Alone
Most of the time, the reason why your dating standards are low is because you're afraid of being alone. You'd rather just have a partner and settle than be out there searching for the "perfect" person. That's why you're often okay with the bare minimum.
10. You're Always Meeting Someone New or in a New Relationship
And because you're afraid of being alone, you're always in a relationship or meeting someone new. In fact, you can't stand being without a partner, and whenever someone breaks up with you, you panic. To you, keeping your dating standards and expectations low means there's always room for someone to come in, and you find comfort in that more than holding out for someone who actually deserves you.
