Figuring Out What He Really Wants
Dating someone new can make it difficult to know if he’s all in or just having a good time. Mixed signals are confusing and tend to make you question everything, particularly when words and actions are inconsistent. Considering the big picture and consistent patterns rather than isolated gestures will help you know where you stand.
1. He Makes Time for You
A man who means business won’t fit you into his schedule whenever it’s convenient for him; he’ll make an effort to plan time together, and then he’ll follow through. Even if his life gets busy, you still feel like his priority instead of an afterthought. He actually wants to spend his time with you.
2. He Talks About the Future Naturally
Plans for the future come up naturally, without pressure or discomfort. He casually mentions trips, events, or goals that clearly involve you. He might not say it out loud, but it’s clear you’re part of his life and his future.
3. He Introduces You to Important People
He wants the most important people in his life to get to know you because you’re important to him. Meeting him at the proverbial “point of no return” isn’t some epic hurdle or lifelong rite of passage. He feels proud to introduce you to everyone.
4. He Communicates Consistently
You don’t have to play a guessing game about when the next message or phone call is going to come from him. He makes you feel like you can count on hearing from him without it being forced. That consistency allows you to feel emotionally safe with him.
5. He Listens and Remembers Details
The small details you tell him about your life don’t just fade into the ether. He remembers the little things you like and don’t like, what you’re currently worrying about, and what you have going on in your life. When a man is emotionally invested in a woman, he tends to pay attention and take mental notes.
6. He Shows Up During Tough Moments
Life gets messy sometimes. When things aren’t going great for you, he doesn’t bail. Instead, he’s there to offer support, encouragement, or just his presence when you need it. If a man is with you when the going gets tough, he’s usually serious.
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7. He Respects Your Boundaries
He doesn’t push, argue, or guilt you into ignoring or giving up your limits. You’re two consenting adults, and he respects the choices you make about your own body and your timeline. If a man is willing to wait for you, he’s usually serious.
8. He Takes Accountability
When he messes up, he doesn’t try to justify it or make excuses for why he should be allowed to do it again. When he says he’s sorry, he actually changes his behavior instead of coming up with reasons why he didn’t really need to apologize. A man who is emotionally mature enough to take responsibility is usually serious.
9. He Includes You in His Daily Life
You’re not his secret girlfriend or his side project. He makes you feel like you’re included in his day-to-day existence instead of cordoned off from it. He shares stories, asks about your day, and gives you a window into his life. If a man is truly interested in you, he’ll let you into his world.
10. He Makes You Feel Secure
He treats you with the same kindness and respect that he shows to people he cares about, which makes you feel secure instead of constantly wondering what you have going for you. You know where you stand with him because his words and actions are consistent. When a man makes you feel safe, he’s usually serious.
These things show what a serious commitment looks like, but it also helps to notice the things that a man usually does when he’s not as invested in you as you’d like him to be.
1. He’s Inconsistent With Contact
One day he’s texting you like it’s his full-time job. The next day you never hear from him. This on-and-off communication rarely has a clear pattern, and it usually leaves you feeling more confused than anything else.
2. He Avoids Defining the Relationship
If you even hint at the idea of labels or talking about the future, he gets defensive or dodges the conversation altogether. He loves to keep things vague, mysterious, and noncommittal for a reason. It works in his favor, and it usually doesn’t work in yours.
3. Plans Are Always Last Minute
Every time you go on a date with him, it’s because he has no other plans and it just so happens that you’re available to go out with him too. You rarely receive an invitation or hear the words “I’ve been thinking about seeing you” in advance. This pattern usually means that you’re his backup plan, not his number one.
4. He Keeps You Separate From His Life
He never introduces you to his friends, coworkers, or family members. Everything about your relationship is contained in your one-on-one time together, and you never get the feeling that you actually fit into his life. A man who doesn’t let you into his life is usually not serious about you.
5. Conversations Stay Surface-Level
Whenever you talk to him, the conversation never gets past flirting or small talk. He won’t make a serious effort to discuss feelings or values with you. When a man doesn’t talk to a woman about real life stuff, he usually isn’t serious.
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6. He Cancels Often Without Effort
If he cancels plans with you, he rarely makes a serious effort to reschedule. He might make up an excuse or tell you that he’s not feeling well, but what he won’t do is come up with a plan B. Over time, this behavior shows where a man’s priorities really are.
7. He’s Hot and Cold Emotionally
His affection and attention comes in spurts that leave you wondering what you did wrong, and then suddenly he’s back to loving you more than life itself. Emotional roller coasters can be exhausting, and they’re also a fairly classic sign of someone playing around. He will spend time with you when he feels like it, not when you do.
8. He Focuses Mostly on Physical Connection
Your entire relationship seems to revolve around physical attraction and frequency. When you look at how much emotional intimacy you share, you might realize that the two of you have barely scratched the surface. When a man is only interested in the short term, this is usually what the relationship looks like.
9. He Dodges Responsibility
If something goes wrong, he automatically plays the victim instead of accepting his part of the blame. There’s never any effort on his end to work through things with you or make things better. If a man refuses to take responsibility for his actions, he’s usually not serious about you.
10. You Feel More Anxious Than Happy
Instead of walking on sunshine, you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. There’s a part of you that can’t quite put your finger on the problem, but you feel unsettled and anxious instead of loved and happy. When it comes to relationships, that gut instinct of yours is usually right.
