Is He a Playboy?
So, you've met a guy. He's exactly your type: charming, funny, confident. But every time you bring him up to your friends, they've not only heard about him, but they tell you repeatedly: he's bad news. You just can't figure it out, though—how can you tell when a guy is actually faithful versus when he's a total womanizer? Well, the signs are all there if you're willing to look...
1. His Phone Is Off-Limits
Ever accidentally touched his phone? Pay extra attention to his reaction every time you do. Sure, most people like to keep some things private, but extreme secrecy around a device can be a pretty telltale sign. If he constantly turns the screen away or takes his phone everywhere he goes, that pattern may mean he has something to hide.
2. He Flirts with Almost Everyone
You know he's great at flirting. That's how he charmed you! And while some people certainly are naturally outgoing, it's a whole different matter when he regularly makes suggestive comments or seeks romantic attention from other women even while you're present. If you've told him to stop and he continues anyway, that's worth taking seriously.
3. His Dating History Is Full of Overlap
While you shouldn't always judge a person based on their past relationships, some details can still provide useful context. Did he ever date another woman while still technically dating someone else? Did he ever string along women in the past? Heck, he might even brag about it! In any case, you should take that as a warning sign.
4. He Avoids Defining the Relationship
How long have you been together? If months go by and he continues dodging conversations about exclusivity, that probably means he just doesn't want to commit. He might even insist that there's no reason to attach a label to anything. And it's all because that gives him the freedom to pursue other people.
5. His Stories Don't Add Up
Sure, people can forget details, but repeated contradictions are harder to ignore. If his explanation of where he was last week or the identity of whoever he was with constantly changes every time you ask, you should probably listen to your gut.
6. He Needs Constant Attention from Women
Watch how he reacts when he isn't receiving attention from other women. He might even take initiative himself, either by messaging female acquaintances or by seeking reassurance about how attractive other women find him. Somehow, you're just never enough for him, and he'll repeatedly chase romantic validation elsewhere.
7. You're Missing from His Public Life
Not only will he refuse to make your relationship exclusive, but he'll keep his life private from you. Perhaps you've never even met his friends, coworkers, or family yet, despite hearing about them regularly. But keeping you completely in the dark is a strategic move—it's his way of making it easier for him to appear available to other people.
8. He's Extremely Charming Until...
At first, he may shower you with compliments, constant texts, all these elaborate plans you'll have together. Essentially, he's buttering you up, he's lovebombing you. Once he knows you're emotionally invested, however, his effort drops sharply and only ever comes back when he senses you're pulling away.
9. Other Women Keep Appearing in Questionable Situations
One awkward misunderstanding is one thing, but what if they keep happening? That's a sign. Pay attention: if different women repeatedly send him suggestive texts, call at strange hours, or seem surprised that you're his partner, it's probably because he's stringing along other women besides you.
10. He Doesn't Really Believe in Being Faithful
Perhaps the most glaring sign of all is when he tells you himself that he doesn't believe in being faithful. Listen carefully to the way he talks about commitment, especially when discussing other couples or his own past. He might even dismiss cheating as a non-issue or mock people who immediately opt for or expect exclusivity. If he doesn't take the arrangement you have with him seriously, you're just one of many faces in his life.
But what about the other end of the spectrum? How can you tell when he's truly the whole package: charming, sweet, and faithful? Here are 10 signs to look for:
1. His Behavior Is Consistent
If you don't have to constantly guess which version of him you'll get each time you see him, that's a great sign. In other words, he's consistent: his interest in you doesn't waver, and he doesn't suddenly disappear for stretches of time. Consistency also makes it easier for you to trust him.
2. He's Open About His Life
Instead of only you knowing about his friends and family, and them never knowing you, he's open about his life. It comes up naturally in conversation. There isn't a sense that there's any secrecy involved, either. That openness usually means he isn't working overtime to keep different parts of his life separate because he has certain motives.
3. He Respects Your Boundaries
When you tell him what your boundaries are, he doesn't try to push or prod—instead, he takes them seriously. If, say, you've mutually agreed that certain types of flirting or actions are inappropriate, he'll not only understand your perspective but immediately stick to those limits, which indicates he's loyal.
4. He Includes You in Future Plans
Do you often show up in his future plans? We're not talking about the promises men make when they lovebomb you, but the real everyday ones, like partaking in hobbies you share or coordinating vacations together to head somewhere new. If he commonly references the future around you, that can demonstrate that he views the relationship as something lasting.
5. He Doesn't Hide His Female Friends
Sure, he might have a questionable number of female friends, but he isn't secretive about them. In fact, he's enthusiastic about you meeting them all, and you've actually gotten along with them, too. This comfort and transparency usually means you can rest assured that there's no ulterior motive that he's hiding.
6. He Takes Responsibility for Mistakes
Trustworthy partners aren't perfect, but still, they're willing to admit when they've handled something badly. If he ever crosses a boundary or hurts your feelings, instead of blaming you, he'll acknowledge his mistake and adjust his behavior—sometimes even without you lifting a finger. While you might not forgive him right away, at least you know you can count on him to take accountability.
7. He Doesn't "Perform" for Other Women
How is he like around other women? If he's the same as he always is and doesn't suddenly get flirty or try to impress them, that's a good sign. At the very least, it means he's not seeking constant validation from other "prospects."
8. His Friends Know Who You Are
You're not a vague face or name within his friend group; in fact, they know you super well. Maybe even more than him! Anyway, the most important thing is that the people in his life aren't surprised to discover that you exist. If he's comfortable letting you into his social circle, that, again, usually means he has nothing to hide.
9. You Can Discuss Difficult Topics Together
Whenever something difficult comes up, he's not running for the hills—he's sticking by your side and making sure you know that he's here with you. Even if he disagrees with your views, he's still willing to have a respectful conversation, and healthy communication can greatly strengthen trust.
10. His Words Match His Actions
Perhaps the most telling sign that he's a keeper is when his words match his actions. He doesn't just make promises willy-nilly; if he says you're exclusive, his interactions with other people reflect that. You don't spend much time trying to decipher the actual meaning behind his words, because you trust that he'll do what he says.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
