Most see getting divorced as an opportunity for a fresh start. You can meet someone new, focus on your career, and even parent your children the way you see best. It's only after the dust settles that we realize the complex feelings that come with getting divorced and the legal maze we need to navigate to finalize it.
Divorce can leave a long trail of lingering regrets. While every divorce is unique, some regrets are universally felt. There is always some left unsaid, a financial impact, and the residual anger that can feel overwhelming. If you're going through the process right now and wondering what to expect, let's review the three biggest regrets people have after divorce.
Not Communicating Before It was Too Late
Post-divorce, many people reflect on what they wished they had said to their partner and how they could have expressed their feelings more clearly. Resentment, misunderstandings, and emotional withdrawal often fester in silence until they become major issues that feel insurmountable.
In hindsight, you might feel that the minor unresolved issues happened because you didn't prioritize honest conversation or seek the help of some third-party intervention like a marriage counselor. All you can do is take this lesson into your next relationship, and remember that communicating early can make all the difference.
Underestimating the Emotional and Financial Impact
Divorce can bring a sense of finality and relief, but there is an unavoidable emotional and financial impact that must be dealt with. You might feel free at first, but that feeling can be quickly replaced by loneliness and guilt. People often overlook how building a support network and seeking professional help early can make a huge difference.
You will have to quickly shift from shared finances to a single income, and that financial responsibility can be stressful. You also have to consider legal fees, a potential housing change, and some child expenses that will be your sole responsibility. One of the first things you should do as you near a finalized divorce settlement is to sit down with a financial advisor to iron out your monthly and annual finances.
The reality of getting divorced extends further than most anticipate, leaving many regretful that they didn't plan the transition more effectively.
Anger as a Driving Force
When things get heated, our emotions can override our ability to make logical decisions. Many divorced individuals might eventually feel that their anger toward their ex-partner caused them to make impulsive decisions, especially during custody battles and asset division.
You need to do everything in your power to act from a rational perspective and not anger. Otherwise, this can create long-term emotional, legal, and financial damage. This regret may come long after a settlement is reached when you finally reflect on the events and realize that your bitterness cost you some peace and financial stability.
It might sound obvious, but it's best to take some time to cool off when necessary to make decisions from a calm and informed place, and not create a situation where you just want to hurt your ex.
Regret after divorce is rarely about the legal process, even though there might be some of that, too. It's about the lost opportunities to communicate effectively, not planning with foresight, and choices made in haste and without considering your best interests. You can't change the past, but you don't have to let common post-divorce regrets rule your future.
