10 Ways To Build A Blended Family That Works & 10 Common Challenges To Be Prepared For
10 Ways To Build A Blended Family That Works & 10 Common Challenges To Be Prepared For
Blending Families Isn't Easy
Combining your family with your partner's can be the most fulfilling experience imaginable when everything works out. However, it can also pose significant challenges, especially where past traumas are involved. Kids accepting a new adult into their lives or new siblings is a big deal, and it may take time and perseverance before harmonious living is established. Here are 10 ways to build a blended family that works and 10 common challenges to prepare yourself for.
1. Don't Force Roles
You or other members of the family may have specific ideas about each person's role, but rarely does it work out like that. Where people feel comfortable will vary, and the roles will naturally work themselves out.
2. Foster Open Communication
If you prioritize honest and open communication, there is less opportunity for misunderstanding to arise. The goal is to create an environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts.
3. Learn How To Deal With The Ex
Co-parenting is always a delicate dance, even if you get along with the ex. Whether it's your ex or your partner's, it's crucial to stay civil and develop a system that works so that there's less strain on the relationship.
4. Create New Traditions
Instead of trying to keep the traditions that existed in your old family dynamic, trade them for new ones that everyone can feel comfortable participating in. Starting rituals everyone can enjoy will build a sense of unity.
5. Set Boundaries
Establish household rules and expectations together to create stability. This creates clarity and respect between family members in a situation that might otherwise be overwhelming or triggering.
6. Focus On Quality Time
Quality time, whether through activities or traditions, allows family members to get to know each other better, fostering closeness. It builds trust and strengthens bonds.
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7. Be Patient
Relationships take time to develop. Children may feel loyal to their biological parents, and it may take a long time for them to see you as anything other than an outsider. Just be patient and take things slowly to allow trust to grow organically.
8. Respect Existing Relationships
Support your spouse's children's relationships with their biological parent by avoiding negative comments about them. Respect their time together and don't get in the way.
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9. Find Your Place
Reality might be at odds with the role you had all planned out for yourself in your mind. Don't get discouraged by this; take your time to find your unique place in the family and don't compare yourself to others.
10. Don't Give Up
If you had a rocky start with your stepkid, don't give up. Transitions are a trying time for kids, and the best thing you can do is continue to be there as a stable and supportive adult.
Now that we've discussed strategies for making a blended family work, let's go over some of the common challenges you may face.
1. Conflicts With The Ex
One of the most common problems when establishing a blended family is conflicts with the ex of you or your partner. It's a confusing time for everyone, and there may be feelings of resentment or jealousy, so be prepared and remain civil.
2. Differing Values
If you come from different backgrounds, you and your partner will inevitably have some differing values or expectations. These differences can be enriching as well as challenging to navigate and can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
3. Differing Parenting Style
It's normal for you and your partner to have conflicting parenting styles after one or both of you raised children independently or with someone else. Just make sure to communicate and establish methods that work.
4. Reality Not Meeting Expectations
Going into it, you may have had a very specific idea of what family roles would look like. Be prepared for the reality not to play out like the image in your mi, nd and be flexible and ready to adapt.
5. Kids Acting Out
For children to accept a new member of the family is a big deal. It's normal for them to act out while they learn to adjust, so just be patient and try to offer support.
6. Emotional Baggage
A family breaking apart is traumatic, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. There will inevitably be emotional baggage from divorce, loss, or conflict that may rear its head at unexpected times.
7. Establishing New Roles
Establishing new roles as a family is a necessary part of building, but it may prove challenging. Everyone's roles are bound to change, but it may take time to figure out where everyone is comfortable for everyone to exist.
8. Financial Strain
Combining families often means taking on someone else's finances, which can cause stress and conflict. Financial obligations towards children and differing spending habits can create disagreements.
9. Sibling Rivalries
Siblings and stepsiblings commonly compete for their parents' attention when families are newly blended, with jealousy and fighting breaking out. Don't pick favorites and try to provide plenty of individual attention.
10. Unclear Boundaries
Establishing and respecting boundaries is key to creating family dynamics that work. When you have boundary issues, communication breakdown, and conflict can occur, so make sure to set ground rules together.
