Are You a Red Flag or a Green Flag?
A relationship is a two-way street, and after you've tied the knot, it takes even more work and effort from both sides. Some days will definitely be easier than others, but what happens when you start to question whether it's all worth it? Do you blame the relationship or your partner—or is it you all along? Here are 10 signs you're a lousy spouse and 10 signs you're a great one.
1. Constant Criticism
A lousy spouse constantly nitpicks everything their partner does. You might point out their flaws, weaknesses, and every little hiccup they have, while ignoring all the things they excel at. Over time, this barrage of criticism and continuous belittling makes your partner feel small and unappreciated.
2. Silent Treatment
When you're upset about something, you don't voice it—you shut your partner out. You're not honest about your feelings, and you think that suppressing them is better than being open. This lack of communication, however, only causes a rift to form in your relationship.
3. Packed Schedules
Instead of making the effort, you pack your schedule with work and personal matters, leaving no time to spend with your spouse. While your career, interests, and hobbies are important, no one wants a partner who pushes them away at every chance they get.
4. "Me, Me, Me"
Listen to what you say during arguments. Are you constantly talking about yourself and your wants and needs? While your individuality matters, your partner has their own wants and needs as well, and dismissing them will only drive a deeper wedge between the two of you.
5. Embarrass Your Partner in Public
If you not only belittle your partner in private but also in public, it's time to step back and ask yourself about what your intentions are. Even if you think your tone is teasing and lighthearted, your partner may not feel the same, and it's important that you're not deliberately trying to disrespect or humiliate them.
6. Controlling Behavior
Do you constantly feel like you have a say in what your partner does? A bad spouse is one who controls their partner's every move, putting limits on what they can do, what they can wear, and who they can see. This kind of behavior is selfish and manipulative; no one wants to be married to someone who micro-manages everything they do.
7. Bring Up Past Mistakes
The past is in the past. No matter what kind of mistake your partner made before, as long as they've learned from it, it's time to move on. Constantly bringing them back up isn't going to help either of you heal, and will only make your partner feel miserable.
8. Don't Do Your Share of Responsibilities
You're a lousy spouse if you ignore your share of the responsibilities. If you're always spending time doing things that are important to you and never help your partner with household work or other matters, you're selfish, plain and simple.
9. Try to Force Your Partner to Change
Your partner has unique traits that make them who they are. Not accepting these qualities and instead trying to change them into someone else dismisses their individuality. If you only insist that they need to be "fixed" and not you, that's another sign of selfishness.
10. Dismiss Your Partner's Feelings
Dismissing your partner's feelings will only make them feel isolated in the relationship. Think of it this way: it's hard to be vulnerable, and to be shut down by someone you thought you could trust feels like betrayal. How would you feel if your partner brushed you off?
Now that we've covered 10 signs that show you're a lousy spouse, what are signs that you're a great one? Let's jump into that next.
1. Strong Communication Skills
Communicating with your partner is your forte. You don't shut them out; instead, you're honest, open, and warm. You're the first to apologize if you realize you're in the wrong, and you're also the one to bring up difficult conversations because you believe in resolving conflicts together, rather than ignoring that they exist.
2. View Your Partner as an Equal
You don't think of your partner as someone who's a step lower or higher than you. In your eyes, you're both equals. That means you treat them with the same respect you would want for yourself, and you don't try to bend them to your will. You understand that you're both your own person, with different views, goals, and dreams.
3. Respect Boundaries
When your partner sets boundaries, you don't react immaturely—you accept and respect them. Again, you understand that you both have lines that can't be crossed, and you do your best to treat your partner with kindness and prioritize their comfort.
4. Understand Your Partner's Love Language
Whether it's quality time or acts of service, you understand your partner's love language, and you do your best to speak it fluently. You don't make them feel like they have to earn your attention—you meet them halfway and love them in the way they want to be loved, just as they do for you.
5. Love Your Partner as They Are
You don't try to change your partner; you love them exactly as they are. What they see as flaws are, to you, their beauty showing up in unique traits that make them, them. They're perfect in ways you can't explain, and you would never want to change or "fix" them.
6. Prioritize Quality Time
You always make sure to carve out time in the day to spend with your partner, even when your schedules are packed. After all, you want to make sure your partner never feels isolated, shut out, or forgotten.
7. Do Your Share of Responsibilities
You help around the house; you do your fair share of chores and family responsibilities. You understand that you and your partner are a two-person team, and that means you're both expected to put in 100%—not just 50%.
8. Kind & Compassionate
You don't dismiss your partner's feelings when they show their vulnerable side to you. Instead, you're kind, compassionate, and know how to emphasize. You expect the same from them, and they're your safe space when you need a shoulder to lean on.
9. Loyal
You don't even entertain the idea of flirting with someone else or even humor it. You're loyal to your partner, through and through. To think it's "okay" to joke about infidelity or even look at someone else would be betrayal, and you're not that kind of person.
10. Don't Take Your Partner for Granted
You love and appreciate your partner, and you show that through your actions every day. You know to never take them for granted, and that even showing up in little ways with small gestures goes a long way. You always make sure that they feel seen, valued, supported, and deeply cared for.
