Moving in with your partner has always been seen as a step that you take when you're in a relationship. Many people are starting to wonder if living with your partner is necessary to be in a good relationship. "Living Apart Together," also known as LAT, means that a couple is living apart but not in the same residence.
It's not always a negative thing. Studies have found that people may choose to live apart from their partner due to many reasons. Whether it be work, money, kids, or just wanting to have their own space, having your own space is one of the reasons why some couples may want to live apart.
Having your own apartment allows you to have time to yourself, things you enjoy doing at home, and your own space. If you and your partner want to still be able to have those things, then maybe living together isn't for you.
Different Daily Routines
Not every couple has the same idea of a perfect evening, and that's perfectly ordinary. One person might enjoy staying up late while the other prefers an early bedtime, or one might love having friends over while the other treasures quiet weekends. Separate homes can make those differences easier to manage without requiring either person to completely reorganize their lifestyle.
Living together can make spending time with your partner almost automatic, while living separately requires more planning. That can encourage couples to be deliberate about dates, visits, meals, and other shared activities. Rather than simply being in the same house, partners may have to actively decide how they want to spend their time together.
There are also times when people may not be able to cohabit. They may have jobs or schooling that require them to live away from their partner. Research on LAT relationships has found that employment and education are among the circumstances that can prevent couples from establishing a shared household.
Housing Isn't Exactly Cheap
Money can also play a significant role. Moving in together might sound financially sensible, but relocating, breaking a lease, finding a suitable property, or combining two households can be expensive. Canadian research has found that financial circumstances, housing, schooling, and work are among the reasons couples may remain in separate households.
This can be difficult when your partner and you may have kids from prior relationships. You could have to switch schools, or your home dynamic could change. Research from Spain has found that having children from previous partnerships is associated with LAT relationships among middle-aged adults.
There isn't really a path that we have to follow anymore when it comes to our relationships. In the United States, family and household arrangements have become more diverse over the past several decades, with no single family structure representing everyone's experience. That broader shift can make it easier for couples to decide what works for them instead of automatically following the traditional path.
Older Couples May Have Different Priorities
Living apart can also make particular sense later in life, especially for people who have already established homes, finances, routines, and family relationships. Research suggests that older adults in LAT relationships are more likely than younger adults to view independence as an important reason for maintaining separate homes.
Maybe you think because they don’t share an address, it's not as committed. Studies of LAT relationships have found considerable variation, including couples who have been together for many years and couples who eventually intend to live together. For some partners, commitment is expressed through emotional closeness and shared plans rather than a shared mortgage or matching keys.
Living apart can open up another choice for couples who may not want to live together but still want to have a romantic life. It won't suit everyone, particularly couples who strongly value having a shared household, but it can provide a practical arrangement for people with different needs. Couples are only becoming more diverse, so who knows, if there are two front doors, maybe there’s still love behind them.
