People From Around The World Share Funny 'Class Clown' Stories

People From Around The World Share Funny 'Class Clown' Stories

School would be a lot more boring without that one kid who sits in the back and makes jokes all day long. Even if they go too far sometimes, class clowns are an indispensable part of the education system.

Some of the people below are class clowns themselves, while others are just witnesses. Either way: here are the funniest class clown stories from all around the world. Here's to the court jesters!


42. Pie-eyed

Had a computer teacher who was totally full of himself. Let's call him Mr. J. He was a bulgy man who looked quite exactly like the WoW player in South Park. He would constantly refuse to help us when we were stuck on something, but would gladly mark us down for not being able to complete it up to his standards.

This kid next to me used to steal his fruit pies. We both eat next to his desk in the back. It would baffle the crap out of the teacher.

Let's call him T.

T would wait until the perfect moment to reach over and snag the fruit pie. Mr. J would always be confused to the whereabouts of his pie. He would shuffle around his drawers, stand up, and leave the classroom to the snack stand down the hall to get another. During this time T would scarf down the fruit pie and leave the wrapper in his keyboard desk. T was a class clown and did many other tremendously hilarious things, but for me the case of the mysterious fruit pie snatcher always left me choking on my own tears.

The sheer amazement of the whole class watching T scarf down the pie as quickly as possible yet not saying a thing made high school a great experience.

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41. Tales from Latin class

The class clown was one of my good friends and for his birthday I got him a hot pink bra and a white shake weight. I gave him his present in Latin class, where this super short sweet nun was our teacher. He wore the bra outside of his shirt and played with the shake weight all class.

Another Latin story: once it started raining in the middle of class and he reached down in his bookbag, grabbed his umbrella, and opened it in the middle of the room and held it above his head. When the nun asked him what he was doing all he said was "It's raining."

A third Latin story: so another time our teacher was late and he wanted to surprise her. There was this small door to where I believe a water heater was supposed to be or maybe it was a small storage room, either way it was empty and above the air filter. So he climbed up into the small room and waited for her to show up.

However, the nun was sick that day and our sub was the very frightening office receptionist. When she walked in we all started giggling because we knew he was screwed! Lucky for him she left and he immediately climbed out and right as he was closing the door, the other nun walked in and just stared at him for a bit. We're all still laughing and she said, "I don't wanna know," and we all went on with our days.

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40. A master communicator

One kid had his phone taken away for texting during class. The next day, the teacher took it away again. But he pulled out a second (old) cell phone a couple minutes later and began pressing buttons, pretending to text. It was also confiscated. This happened several more times before he pulled a giant cordless phone with 2' antenna, the sort that came out in the late 80s and began pushing buttons on it. The teacher couldn't stop laughing.

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39. The blue pill

Junior year of high school, our "class clown" came to school wearing sweat pants, popped some Viagra, and walked around with a rager. He was the type of guy who could do that and everyone would think it's funny, whereas if anyone else did it, it would be weird and inappropriate.

The funniest part about it was that after lunch, an ambulance had to come and get him because it had lasted longer than 4 hours.

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38. The price is wrong

My friend and I were the class clowns in high school for sure.

Our Spanish teacher was really annoying, so we trolled her all the time. I had a CD walkman (this was the early 2000s) with big headphones that bled tons of sound. So while she was talking, my buddy and I would play the Price Is Right theme. It was loud enough that everyone in the class noticed, but the teacher couldn't hear it over the sound of her own voice.

Occasionally she would stop in the middle of a sentence like she thought she could hear something strange... so we would pause it. Just straight-up gaslighting.

That went on for like three days until our fellow students finally got sick of it and ratted us out. We got detention. Worth it.

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37. Costume of the year

We had recently had a Phys Ed teacher who got arrested for embezzlement. He was old, had gray hair, always wore full monochromatic warmup suits and carried a briefcase and clipboard.

So for halloween, we had a class clown dress up as him and dye his hair gray with the briefcase and everything. He got called up to the principals and when asked to take off the costume, he was wearing a prison suit underneath. The look on the principal's face must have been priceless.

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36. Love poems from no one

I knew this kid that would write long, romantic, and graphic love poems on notebook paper. He would then fold them up really really small and place them in my male teacher's pants pocket. The teacher was a larger fellow and his pant pockets would somehow always be slightly open.

Later on in the class, the teacher would just happen to place his hands in his pockets and find the unknown piece of paper. He would unfold it and begin to read. As he progressed through the romantic poem, the look on his face just became more and more intrigued/confused. You could tell he had no clue what was going on.

But for some reason he never questioned the notes and would just put them in his desk drawer. We would just sit in the back and laugh our butts off. Just freaking priceless.

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35. That's why they call me 'guns'

I once shattered some glass in a vending machine trying to get my peanut butter cups, and turned myself in to the principal. They don't believe that a 5'4" 105 pound dude could have broken the safety glass so they have me wait in the lobby for a hecka long time.

When the principal finally sees me, first thing he asks is: "Jesse, do you know why you are here?" and instinctively I roll up my sleeves (as shards of glass fall from my shoulders) and quip: "For bringin' these guns to school!"

I was suspended from school for about 3 days (worth it). Upon my return I was heralded with chips and candy (double worth it). And the entire administration referred to me as 'Guns' until graduation (priceless).

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34. Technically telling the truth

We had this game where we would pass along messages in class by writing them on plastic rulers and then showing them to our friends. You could easily erase the text with a tissue.

Teacher was onto us however, and all of a sudden she asked me what I'd written on my ruler.

"Nothing," I said.

"You're lying, Adam, I saw you write something on it. What did you write?"

"Nothing, Miss. Really."

She came over and pulled the ruler from my hands, only to reveal the text written on it: "Nothing".

Cost me some pages of punishment, but it was worth it, at least to 12-year-old me.

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33. The applesauce trick

During a class presentation, our class clown had his "assistant" turn off the lights. He then put a flashlight under his head so only his face was illuminated. He started saying things like "prepare to be amazed," "Science rules," and "welcome to a world of wonder."

He then paused and said, "Please observe what I do with this applesauce." The lights turned back on and he poured an entire jar of applesauce down his pants.

This was a high school biology class. The teacher was in shock and I don't think I'll ever laugh that hard again. Just pure craziness.

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32. Mrs. Jerkface loses her pointer

In high school, there was this one teacher who was just a bonafide jerk. She was ridiculous: cough during class? Detention. Forgot a pencil? Thirty points off final grade. Bathroom? Too freaking bad. She also had this...pointer stick (?) thing that she would point to things with, like all teachers in old movies seem to have. She loved that pointer stick.

Then there was our class clown: Ryan.

Ryan was the kind of kid who would've gotten bullied relentlessly if he wasn't a comedic genius. He had to have been pushing 350 lbs... massive dude, height and weight wise. Nevertheless, he'd do the worm down the hall, do stand-up in the cafeteria, and take any chance he could to make people laugh.

Now one day, Mrs. Jerkface is a few minutes late to class. Ryan notices her pointer on the desk, grabs it, and starts pretending sucking on this thing, pretending to put it up his butt...just being an obnoxious class clown.

And then Mrs. Jerkface walks in.

She and Ryan make the most horribly awkward eye contact ever, as Ryan stands there with one leg up on a desk pretending to take it up the rear with the pointer.

Then, without missing a beat, Ryan turns and whips the pointer right out the open window. It was perfect. Mrs. Jerkface is just standing there yelling "DETENTION DETENTION DETENTION!" while the rest of us lose our minds.

Best part of all this? This high school was in the middle of a huge city, and the pointer was thrown from a fifth floor window into the street below. My friend went out and got it afterwards. We gift-wrapped it and gave it to Ryan as a graduation present. I miss that guy.


31. He thought this was home economics

In science class we had hot plates to heat up experiments. I kid you not this guy started making a grilled cheese on the hot plate. The teacher was like "what's that noise and smell?" She looks over to see this kid flipping his grilled cheese on the hot plate, it was sizzling and everything. She tells him to go to the principal's office, so he stands up, takes a bite out of his sandwich, and walks out.

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30. Wigging out

The most memorable to me was when our class clown took the blame for throwing an eraser at a teacher and knocking her wig off. It was actually me. (I didn't do it on purpose, I have a terrible aim and it happened so quick.) She's going bananas, asking who did it, and he calmly stands up and says, "It was me, but keep your hair on, it was an accident. I was aiming for your glasses."

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29. The class clown denies the credit

Our class clown farted louder than I've ever heard in my life. I'm talking wall shaking, stomach rupturing, ripped open gut loud. Wouldn't have been that big of a deal if he hadn't done it during the middle of our math final.

Then as everyone turned to look his way I just happened to be the unlucky son of a gun sitting behind him. He pointed directly at me. Cue laughter from the entire hall of students and our solemn and usually grim teacher. He may have been the one laughing the hardest if my memory serves me right.

Clown got me good. We're still best friends today.

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28. The sword of destiny

At my high school, during homecoming week there are various competitions between the classes to show who is the "most spirited". The winner gets awarded The Spirit Sword for the year. Usually they announce it, and the class president and few other people get their picture with it, then it goes back in the case. My sophomore year, our class won it, and proceeded to rush the gymnasium floor and grab the sword. When the crowd dispersed the sword was nowhere to be found.

The sword was still missing the next year, so they made a new one and started using that.

Fast forward to our graduation ceremony two and a half years later. After receiving his diploma, the class clown pulled the missing Spirit Sword out from under his gown and handed it to the Principal.

I think the principal looked a little stunned, he might have smiled. The Class Clown in this case wasn't expelled or arrested. This was a while back, before zero tolerance.

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27. The only thing I was ever happy to lose

I went to Catholic school and we each had to write on the board our name and what we were giving up for Lent. Most people wrote: soda, chocolate, TV, Facebook, etc. I wrote "My Virginity." Needless to say, Sister Helen was not amused.

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26. Rock around the clock

Ok, not my detention story but one that I was involved in. Two people in this story, lets call them John and Rick

I'm at John's house and while he's playing a game I find an old school spring alarm clock and start messing around with it. As he sees me, he immediately tells me to take that thing home with me because last time someone messed with it, the clock woke his family up at 4am. Same day, back at my house and I have other friends over. I notice that I still have an alarm clock set to an unknown time. I decide I don't want to be the victim of the clock so I put it in Rick's bag. I forget about it.

Get a call next day at around 6pm. "Dude, did you put an alarm clock in my bag?" Burst out laughing. Apparently, he was taking a midterm, everyone is looking at him as this ringing goes off and he doesn't know what the heck is going on as he pulls out this old fashioned alarm clock from his bag with the stupidest look on his face.

Guess I was the class clown.

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25. Burn the pounds off

The class clown in my year was a rather large guys. So one lunchtime he decided it would be a good idea to pull up his shirt, unveiling his rather large belly, covering it with butter, then running down the hallway as fast as he could to see how far he could slide. It wasn't very far and he just ended up with loads of friction burns over his gut. It's still one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

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24. The substitute substitute

This class clown had a presentation in the afternoon and wore a suit and had a briefcase all day. He was 19 and had a beard - looked early/mid-20s. Upon entering our morning class that had a substitute teacher, he says, "Oh...I guess they didn't tell you...but they actually called me in for this class this morning. They were trying to reach you all morning to let you know..."

They argued a bit but the actual substitute teacher packed up his stuff and left. He went on a semi-rant saying that this exact thing has happened so many times before and that he was disgusted with his union.

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23. Shout out to the school paper

Senior year. Teacher wouldn’t give her a hall pass to use the bathroom (which was ridiculous). Instead of taking a more ... conventional stand, like walking out of the room, she sat down in her desk and peed her pants.

She was suspended, I forget for how long, there were editorials back and forth in the school paper. I was on team “teachers shouldn’t try to control our bowels but also maybe don’t pee on the floor, though I do appreciate your taking one for the team.”

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22. You're literally the devil

When I was in high school, everyone bought their books and stuff to school in a backpack or sports bag. The handles/straps which you use to carry them over your shoulder had little metal clips so that they could be detached.

At lunch break everyone used to leave their bags in one corner of the schoolyard. I spent most of my lunch break discreetly unclipping one end and attaching them to other bags so that all of the bags were interconnected in a big tangled mess. When the bell rang and everyone went to grab their bags I stood back and watched the chaos. I've never laughed so hard.

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21. A farewell to arms

Student vs. Faculty basketball game. Everyone is in the gymnasium to watch the game. It's a pretty friendly competition for the most part but there were some decent matchups.

It was my senior year and our class clown was the announcer for this basketball game. One of the faculty members who was playing only had one arm.

One-armed faculty member (Mr. X) comes into the game off the bench and immediately hits a 3 point jump shot. During the inbound play, one-armed faculty member steals the ball and proceeds to make another basket.

Class clown, who has been announcing the game lets out this gem: "And Mr. X is single-handedly taking over this ball game!" The game literally had to be stopped as people were laughing too hard. It caused a bit of an awkward exchange between the student and teacher but was the best timing on a joke I've ever heard.

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20. Can't trash the 'stache

This is pretty tame, probably because it happened in the early 90s.

We had a teacher, Mr A, who was very strict, very serious, very high regard for himself, very Italian. This man rocked the thickest moustache I had ever seen. Nothing "fancy," no handlebars or waxed works of art. Just a full, glorious 'stache that Burt Reynolds would envy.

We had been working with fun fur (thick and bushy fur) for an art project. Another kid and I jokingly made faux moustaches out of it and used double-sided tape to wear them. The art teacher, who was young and new to the profession, kinda-sorta dared us to wear them to Mr A's class. We went one step further. We made moustaches for everyone.

Mr A typically strode into the classroom with disregard for all of us until he had written whatever was important for that day on the board. Somehow a class full of dumb 9th graders managed to keep our heads down and not laugh. We waited for that moment when he turned to face us...

It could not have been more perfect. The absolute stunned look on his face, followed by the loudest, not laugh, but straight out guffaw. He loved it and insisted we keep them on for the whole class.

Almost 20 years later and that moment is still clear as day in my memory.

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19. He injured himself for someone in need

Our class clown was always doing dumb "stunts" just to make people laugh he got sick of climbing on/in random things and jumping stairs one day and decided it'd be funny to smack into walls. His first few walls were fine as they were all concrete. There was a girl crying in the hallway and he figured he could make her laugh by making a funny face and tackling the glass door... He went through the door and needed stitches leaving splatters of blood and broken glass on the way to the office.

It didn't make her laugh, but it did distract her from what was bothering her as she was busy trying to help. So that's a plus I suppose.

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18. Cardboard man

In our Algebra II class my junior year, my best friend walked into class 5 minutes late with a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself. He pulls his chair out, stands the cutout between the chair and the desk, and walks right back out of the room.

The teacher didn't say anything for about 45 seconds. Then she just marked him absent and pretended nothing had happened. At the end of the class he came back and got it. By the end of the next class the cutout had been confiscated.

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17. The hurt locker

I was a completely wild child in middle school. I learned the locker combinations for every locker on my row over the course of the year, and one day near the end of class I left for the bathroom. I opened all the lockers in the row and planned on running down the hall and closing them all at once at high speed right as the bell rang for class change.

Bell rings, I fly down the hall... BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM as all the lockers close and then right at the end this short kid with glasses on that I didn't know came out of his classroom first and got stiff-armed to the face. I smashed his glasses into pieces and was so shocked that I kinda just froze. He went into a nerd rage and we got into a huge fight and were both put into in school suspension for a week. Same room.

Ended up being best friends.


16. Throw foodstuffs from the bus

My high school bus had a reputation for being insanely unruly. We'd always start bus wide chants of the bus number (3-2-5! 3-2-5!), and chant at other busses (Your Bus Sucks! Your Bus Sucks!). We even had a long choreographed rap sequence set to a Wu Tang Clan song. One time we remained completely silent for 20 minutes and the bus driver flipped out because she suspected we were up to something.

Anyways... I got a reputation for throwing stuff out windows... Usually open, full Poweraid bottles. Then one kind kid on the bus started home economics class and brought his finished food on the bus. Which lead to the two instances. Those were the ones I got in trouble for with.

The first time I got banned from the bus: I threw a whole chocolate cake out the window and it nailed a friend of mine in the back of the head.

The bus was going around 20 mph and the cake nailed him the the back of the head. He didn't see it coming. The next day he told me that he was mad at first but after a shower his skin had never felt smoother. Also, the cake was mostly frosting and was undercooked and gooey. It was partially wrapped to keep its shape but EXPLODED on contact.

The second time I got suspended from the bus: I threw a whole cooked chicken into the window of another bus. It landed on some unsuspecting kid's lap.

From what I heard the kid who had the chicken fall in his lap thought it was hilarious. A goody two shoes ratted me out.

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15. A story with two climaxes

My art teacher was known to press and rub her crotch against the corners of our high, woodblock work tables whenever she would come by to observe projects.

One day, I was lazily spinning a ruler on a pencil while listening to her lecture. She told me to stop, and I asked why, seeing as how I wasn't bothering anyone. She gave some BS answer, and I complied. I then asked her, courteously I thought, if my compliance "rubbed her the right way."

Everyone got the joke. The class erupted in laughter, which did not stop as I was written up, ordered to the principal's office, and left the room. The best part was the look of amusement on the vice principal's face as he read the incident description.

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14. We didn't start the fire

In my junior year integrated chemistry/ physics class one guy got up while the teacher was lecturing, proceeded to walk to the back of the classroom and discharged the fire extinguisher all over the place. We had to leave the classroom because the dust/fire extinguisher stuff was everywhere. He got suspended for 10 days.

Teacher:" Ryan what are you doing?... Ryan don't..... Ryan I am serious you will get in a lot of trouble..."

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13. A Burger and fries

I got sent to the principal's office with 8 random kids once during lunch for detention. Ticking clock in the background and silence as we sat in a circle.

The principal was intimidating and would announce each student's full name, asking them what they did wrong, then giving them additional punishments based on what they did.

He gets to one kid and announces, "ALEXANDER BURGER". Some wiseacre kid chimes in out of nowhere, "With a large fry and a large coke, thanks!"

It wasn't the most insane class clown thing I've seen, but we all burst out laughing and the principal had no idea what to do. I've never been in a situation since that went from being so insanely tense to relaxed and funny with such a swing.

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12. Losing her religion

Once, this kid called "Joe" walked into the classroom and realized the blinds had fallen down on one of the windows. Joe wanted to do something nice and put the blinds back up.

Now Joe was THE class clown, hilarious in every way and a headache for the teachers. So the teacher walks in and sees Joe fidgeting with the blinds, and immediately starts yelling at him. "JOOEEE! What the heck are you doing?! Those blinds came from my mother and YOU RUINED THEM!"

Joe just stops dead in his tracks and stutters, "I... I was just trying to help. I came in and they were like this." Another classmate and I tried to affirm that, and explain it to the teacher.

She wasn't having it and started yelling and cussing. So Joe said screw it. He ran down the hallway and said, "Oooooohhhhh I'm telliiinnngg! I'm getting Mr. Clark." The teacher just left, went outside, smoked a few smokes, and then quit on the spot.

It was suppose to be 6th grade religion class, by the way.

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11. High school is a ball

Our class clown found a way to change the scrolling marquee screensaver's text. Across the network.

I have no idea how he did it, but he managed to change the screen savers across the whole school to say "My Balls Are Huge". Which is a great start to the story.

Apparently one of the librarians saw the entire library bank of computers scrolling this, and fainted. Investigations ensued, and he was caught because he hadn't bothered to cover his tracks or anything.

He got pulled into the office. Him, his dad, the vice-principal, and the "traumatized" librarian (and a fortunately open door to the rest of the office, hence us knowing this story). There was a long tirade about the consequences of his actions, the "distress" he had caused the poor librarian, etc. Finally, at the end of it all, he was asked if he had anything to say for himself. And he did.

"I was referring to my basketballs."

Straight face. The vice-principal and his father both actually laughed; the librarian was enraged. And promptly told to calm herself down, by a still snickering vice-principal. He copped a whopping single day of suspension, during which his father took him out for lunch.

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10. Everyone loves physical comedy

In my senior year economics class our teacher was a 70-year-old woman that had been teaching at the school for at least 40 years. We would mess with her constantly.

One day the window was open and I was in the seat right next to it. Another guy in the class gives me a tennis ball and tells me to throw it at him when Dr. Apt was not looking. I had no clue why or what he was going to do but I agreed. When she turned her back to me but could still probably see him out of the corner of her eye, I tossed the ball with some force but not much and it hit him in the face.

He then proceeded to scream in agony and fall over bringing his whole desk down with him in a extremely slapstick manner. She ran over to him and asked him what happened and he said someone pelted the ball at him from out the window while still writhing in pain on the ground. She ran over to the window and spotted 3 kids in the courtyard outside the classroom and called them over so she could yell at them, but none of them knew what was going on at all and denied it.

She told them if none of them would fess up she would call the principal and they would all be in trouble. They all remained confused and stood their ground she ended up calling the principal and he took them to his office. I don't know if they ever got in trouble though.

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9. You've been benched

In college, my friends and I stole a bench to put on our porch. We were caught by campus safety as we neared our house, and after sternly reprimanding us and taking our information, they instructed us to lug the (very heavy) bench all the way back across campus to the place we had taken it from.

We got stopped so many times walking it back that eventually one of the campus police officers put out an alert to not waste time stopping "the guys moving a bench."

We spent the rest of the day moving benches around willy-nilly. We even put one in a tree.

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8. Should have dressed like a female dog

All girls catholic school and the Dean of Student life was a terrifying Stalin lady. Spirit week schedule is announced, and again she assigned a 'Dress like a teacher day' on Wednesday. Super annoying because we had to dress nice or like a man. Sure the first year is fun, but by the fifth or sixth time it's old.

So our class clown decides that it is CAT DAY, and shows up in a full on Cat Suit, hood with ears, drawn on whiskers, the full nine yards. I was at my locker, about three down from our clown when the Dean finds her and asks what teacher she's dress as. The girl, Molly, lifts up her hand and makes a clawing motion and goes, "I'm you, merowww,"

Considering the dean was such a terror, I thought the girl was done for, but the lady just laughed and let her go. I thought the Dean was going to implode in fury.

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7. Funny bunny

In 7th grade we had a class rabbit. Our teacher fed it Welch's Fruit Snacks and we would always beg her to give us some, but they were strictly for the class rabbit.

Well this one kid who was always joking and playing pranks and doing weird stuff stole ALL of the fruit snacks when the teacher left the room for a few minutes. He literally ate all of them, maybe like 20 packs? He hid the wrappers in his backpack or something. When the teacher came back she was so livid and didn't believe us that he did it all alone, and so we all got punished.

He gave 0 craps. He seriously looked pleased as pie and the rest of us were furious we didn't get any fruit snacks.

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6. Just not ready for fatherhood

I don't even remember who actually did it, but that is beside the point.

Private Catholic High School, I believe it was freshman year. One of the guys on the football team was in a class where you had to take care of one of those "fake babies" that cried and could electronically track any parental missteps. Guy leaves the baby in the locker room during practice. Obviously a smart call.

A few members of the team decide to kidnap the baby. I believe there was a ransom note.

The next day, the baby was found hanging from a board on the wall in the locker room. They crucified the fake baby. In a private Catholic school. Everybody laughed until we cried.

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5. Scissor fingers

I was in the 8th grade, and the class clown was a kid named AJ. AJ sat right next to the radiator in language arts, and he would screw around with it all the time -- dropping paperclips in, turning it on and off, etc. The teacher, Mrs. V, was at her desk trying to open up a package of dry erase markers and having a tough go of it. AJ gets his index finger stuck in the grill of the radiator and after failing to get it unstuck, announces calmly to the table that he can't get his fingers out of the grate. We all laugh, and call him stupid, thinking he's joking.

Mrs. V asks immediately after AJ finishes speaking, "Has anyone seen the scissors?" The look of sheer panic on AJ's face for a solid three or four seconds before he realized that she meant to open the package and not cut his fingers off were fantastic. That will always be my favorite memory of the one year I spent in that terrible school.

Also, one time Mrs. V walked in on AJ, a slightly tubby kid, straddling a desk and making walrus noises while he flopped his arms around and clapped. She just shook her head and sat down.

We also had to perform a dance routine for gym class, and AJ perfectly choreographed and executed 'Work It' with his best friend to a standing ovation from 150+ fellow eighth graders. Complete with his best friend pulling AJ by his feet across the stage. I will never forget the sound of AJ's stomach screeching across the waxed floors.

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4. Was this at Xavier's academy?

Physics lecture, maybe 150-200 students in it, when this guy's phone goes off. Everyone turns and looks for it and it soon stops. Whatever, that happens every now and then. Nothing to worry about.

Maybe thirty seconds later, the same phone goes off again. Everyone, slightly annoyed now, turns and looks for the culprit. The guy is seated in the very middle of the lecture hall, stands up, and answers the phone.

"Hello? Yes, commissioner? People are in danger? I'll be there right away!"

He hangs up the phone and says loudly:

"Sorry, professor. I've got to go."

"Is that so?"

"Yes! The world needs saving!"

He rips open his shirt and rips off his pants to reveal a Superman costume. He then runs down the stairs, right past the teacher, and out the door. The class is all laughing and even the professor is chuckling to himself. Then, he says to the class:

"If there are any Green Lanterns or X-Men or anybody else in here, you can go help him in his battle, if you wish."

My greatest memory from physics that year.


3. The great escape

This happened in statistics class near the end of my Junior year of high school, after all the seniors had graduated.There were only about 8 of us left in that class which makes this story even better.

Statistics teacher had his head buried in a book that he was trying to teach us from, and our "class clown" thought it was the most boring thing ever. (In fairness, it was.)

He starts sneaking, sneaking towards the window. Statistics teacher still has head buried in the book, while we all watch him wondering what he will do. He starts going towards the wall, and climbing up the bookshelf. Then he opens up the window and climbs out of the classroom.

Our statistics teacher didn't notice at all. One other classmate writes "THAT WAS AWESOME" down on a piece of paper that we could all see, while all of us were trying to contain our laughter.

This was the last class of the day so most likely he just went home.

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2. Mom stands up for the class clown

I almost managed to get through my public education without having any conflicts with faculty. I had never been to detention before I met my grade 12 English Teacher (ET).

I was a notorious class clown in high school, but I always got away with it because I also maintained a 90+ average. No teacher other than ET ever thought screwing with me was worth the trouble. English was one of my best subjects too - we should have been friends! But for whatever reason, she must have decided she hated me before we even met.

It began with her calling me out for things everyone else was doing too. Like, if half the class was talking or goofing off, somehow I was the one who got singled out as the instigator. If there was a disturbance while she was writing on the board, I was obviously the culprit.

On one occasion, she gave me detention (my first and only!) because I accidentally said “erection” instead of “election” while I was giving an answer, and she decided it was clearly deliberate.

Now, I’m not blameless in this story by any means. If she wanted to cast me as the villain, I was happy to play the part for her.

One time, she was collecting money for some charity. Instead of cash, I walked up to her desk and handed her a rubber in front of the entire class.

Another time, she made us fill out this stupid school board questionnaire. (“What do you plan to do after high school?” “What is your preferred career path?” “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” etc.) Nobody took it seriously, nor should they have. Who was ever going to read them anyway?

But when I handed mine in, she read it over. (She didn’t check anyone else’s.) Then she declared that my answers weren’t “specific enough” and insisted that I re-draft them. So I went back and wrote a detailed account of my plan to impregnate a member of the Royal Family and live my life as a Duke-Consort.

That must have been the final straw because, shortly thereafter, she called my mother and demanded a “special conference.” My mom asked me about my relationship with this woman. I explained; she listened stoically and said nothing.

When we went to this meeting (just my mom, ET, and me), ET outlined her “case” that handing her a prophylactic and writing about getting someone pregnant constituted sexual harassment on my part. She threatened to sue if I didn’t apologize.

My mother listened politely. Then, much to my surprise and ET’s too, she unleashed the best chewing-out I’ve ever seen her give anyone - including me!

“If you’re so offended by his behaviour, why have you been antagonizing him? Don’t you understand that all you’ve done is escalate this? Who’s the authority here, you or him?”

“He’ll apologize when you apologize!”

“How dare you threaten me? You work for me! If you want to sue us, we’ll fight you with everything we’ve got and you’ll lose more than your case.”

(I’m paraphrasing - oh, how I wish I could have recorded it!)

To be honest with you, I felt a little guilty. That defence was more than even I thought I deserved at the time. But ET pretty much stopped messing with me after that conference.

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1. Carlos pretends he can't speak English

Oooooh I have a good one.

So this was first period of my senior year, let's call her Miss Grizzwald. Our teacher was horrible. She would just stop kids from talking because they said "like" or "umm", call you an idiot because she didn't like you, had clear favorites, had arguments with anyone even though she was sometimes wrong, she was basically this old hag (made you a pretty good writer though tbh).

In comes Carlos. Carlos moved to the States when he was three and had command of the English language. Throughout our first three years of high school, he spoke ti perfectly, would write perfectly, and present perfectly in English. When senior year came along he decided to just speak with this really really thick Mexican accent and see how log he could get away with pretending he moved to the States when he was sixteen.

Every single student knew he was perfectly fluent but just ran with it. Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. No teacher that had him had any freaking idea that he was not in fact a recent immigrant and they all treated him like gold because he was such a hard worker and spoke English so well for being so new.

Anyway the dude used to tell stories about criminal activity he witnessed in Tijuana, or talk about his hungry friends. He would just go off HUGE tangents and talk about the Joker and Batman without really making any sense and sprinkling Spanish here and there with huge pauses because he "don't know the right way to say in English" and we would all just die snickering and the teachers thought we were huge jerks for laughing at the poor kids misfortune and lack of English.

This dude that we had all known since at least high school and some of us since middle school or elementary school was fooling every single teacher for months and it was so fun to watch. He actually had pretty good grades because every teacher thought he was ESL and did pretty well on his assignments.

Come spring (I think, I'm pretty sure it was spring) we are in Ms. Grizzwald's class and Carlos accidentally spills Gatorade all over his backpack and on his back. His bag is dripping and the back of his shirt is covered in blue Gatorade. "Ahhhh [bleep]. I'm hella wet" as he's trying to sort his stuff out and Grizzwald hears it.

"Everything okay, Carlos?"

"Si ma'am, all good."

"What happened?

"Well.. Me had Gatorade and me spilled." Pointing at his back. Everyone knows it's coming, "I spilled and now me... wet back."

The class erupts in laughter. We can't hold it together because the way he said it and the way the teacher looked was way too priceless. Finally she starts screaming at us because we are such bad students, and we can't just celebrate diversity and how we should be proud of Carlos for grasping English so well yada yada.

Carlos became a legend that day and the story spread like wild fire. The best part about all of this is that the last day of school Carlos was part of the assembly and had to say a couple words. The dude crushed his little speech in perfect English naming every single teacher he had for being so kind and generous with him.

Man, that dude is the king. We still Snapchat sometimes and I'm pretty sure he's having some success as an actor.

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